This post is dedicated to my husband. I love you and you’re king of the man colds.
My husband has caught a cold, but not just any cold, the man cold. If you’re unfamiliar with the man cold, it’s on par with SARS, AIDS, stage 4 cancer and lastly the bubonic plague.
Despite thinking everyone in the world has heard of the man cold, I need to realize some haven’t. Here is the definition, courtesy of urban dictionary:
In an effort to bring awareness to this horrible disease, I want you to be able to identify the signs of the man cold and seek treatment immediately.
10 Symptoms of the Man Cold
- Somehow by the grace of God, the man still has an appetite. It’s not uncommon for him to ask for wings, pizza or something entirely time-consuming for you to make that would “make him feel better”.
- If admitted to the hospital and after being discharged, don’t be surprised if he keeps his medical bracelet on for up to a week. You can suggest cutting it off but then you risk him calling you insensitive to his rehabilitation.
- He will text you from upstairs to come up and fetch his medicine. Thanks to this debilitating disease, their legs stop working, even if it’s just to walk 15′ to grab the medicine.
- He will sneeze louder than his usual sneeze to ensure everyone hears it. Covering of the mouth is optional.
- There will be a series of overly loud grunts and groans for the entire duration of the sickness. This is a subtle way to remind those around him that they are indeed sick.
- Unlike when women get sick and are expected to still provide healthy meals and clean clothes for the children, the entire world will have to stop for the man cold. Don’t even think about asking them to clear their used tissues, start dinner or feed themselves as this may be grounds for divorce.
- It is wise as the caregiver to keep your phone on you at all times with the volume turned up. Should you not answer the text or call on the first ring you are obviously inconsiderate.
- Child-like behavior is to be expected. Examples include temper tantrums, a demand for food to be cut a certain way and accusations that you are not being a proper home health aide.
- With the onset of the man cold, it’s wise to DVR all programming for the next 72 hours. There is only one person in the house allowed to hold the remote control and that’s king baby.
- Once in remission, plan on tales being told by the hearth, about how he faded in and out of consciousness during his sickness. Don’t be surprised if he goes as far as to say he died, met God and came back to life.
Did I miss any? Have you come into contact with someone with the man cold? Perhaps you yourself survived the man cold? I would love to hear your comeback story, you brave fighter you!