Family · First World Problems · Health · Ridiculousness

10 Symptoms of the Man Cold

This post is dedicated to my husband. I love you and you are king of the man colds.

My husband has caught a cold, but not just any cold, the man cold. If you are unfamiliar with the man cold, it is on par with SARS, AIDS, stage 4 cancer and lastly the bubonic plague.

Despite thinking everyone in the world has heard of the man cold, I need to realize some have not. Here is the defintion, courtsey of urban dictionary:

man cold

In an effort to bring awareness to this horrible disease, I want you to be able to identify the signs of the man cold and seek treatment immediately.

10 Symptoms of the Man Cold

  1. Somehow by the grace of God, the man still has an appetite. It’s not uncommonย for him to ask for wings, pizza or something entirely time-consuming for you to make that would “make him feel better”.
  2. If admitted to the hospital and after being discharged, don’t be surprised if he keeps his medical bracelet on for up to a week. You can suggest cutting it off but then you risk him calling you insensitive to his rehabilitation.
  3. He will text you from upstairs to come up and fetch his medicine. Thanks to this debilitating disease, their legs stop working, even if it’s just to walk 15′ to grab the medicine.
  4. He will sneeze louder than his usual sneeze to ensure everyone hears it. Covering of the mouth is optional.
  5. There will be a series of overly loud grunts and groans for the entire duration of the sickness. This is a subtle way to remind those around him that they are indeed sick.
  6. Unlike when women get sick and are expected to still provide healthy meals and clean clothes for the children, the entire world will have to stop for the man cold. Don’t even think about asking them to clear their used tissues, start dinner or feed themselves as this may be grounds for divorce.
  7. It is wise as the caregiver to keep your phone on you at all times with the volume turned up. Should you not answer the text or call on the first ring you are obviously inconsiderate.
  8. Child-like behavior is to be expected. Examples include temper tantrums, a demand for food to be cut a certain way and accusations that you are not being a proper home health aide.
  9. With the onset of the man cold, it’s wise to DVR all programming for the next 72 hours. There is only one person in the house allowed to hold the remote control and that’s king baby.
  10. Once in remission, plan on tales being told by the hearth, about how he faded in and out of consciousness during his sickness. Don’t be surprised if he goes as far as to say he died, met God and came back to life.

Did I miss any? Have you come into contact with someone with the man cold? Perhaps you yourself survived the man cold? I would love to hear your comeback story, you brave fighter you!

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47 thoughts on “10 Symptoms of the Man Cold

    1. And Simon I think I should have put a disclaimer on this that there are many guys out there that will never suffer from the man cold. But there is a large % of the population that are afflicted and we need to raise awareness of this deadly disease. ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. We do, I’ll have to find the you tube link to a video that details more on the affliction. It also highlights the ignorance to it. ๐Ÿ˜œ

                  1. Ha! I thought you would like it. Mind you, I like your image of the man telling stories in front of the fire of their brush with near death lol

                    1. Well it starts with men flu and after a few generations he’s the sole survivor of an Ebola outbreak. You see if I’m wrong! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‹

  1. Oh yes…I have two in this house who both show these extreme symptoms at least twice a year (husband and 21 year old son) – but we ladies have to remember that they are almost certainly near to their death beds so unlike us, they cannot continue with normal life in any form!!! Since hubby has been working in the local primary school the frequency has increased!
    This week we have experienced another phenomena….also down to working at the primary school. It is called the “worst sprain injury in the world” otherwise know to the rest of us as a twisted ankle, sustained coaching the year 6 football team. He has actually been taking my pain meds (for chronic nerve damage – all on my site)!!! I will be sending your words to hubby & both sons….your humour matches mine entirely! Made my morning x

    1. Oh Claire, you poor thing! You have 2 adult males who suffer from man colds? I think we need (actually you more than me) a support group for us care givers who endure the whining and child like behavior. And that phenomena of the “worst sprain injury in the world” is something I will watch closely! I don’t know if I can handle a man cold AND a man injury. That just blew my mind!

      1. Ha, ha, ha – I do like the idea of a support group. It proving challenging having the son home after 3 years away……this week he is suffering man stress, far worse than woman stress, as he has telephone/skype job interviews AND has masses of uni 4th year work to finish!!!

        1. Our pain is nothing compared to man stress. We never go through interviews or Skype interviews. I just have to be medicated by my doctor in order to conduct a successful interview. LOL!

      1. Yeh, I first noticed it while I was sat outside a changing room for two hours waiting for my wife to choose from the seventeen different outfits she went in with.

  2. Haha. I enjoyed this :). Numbers 6 & 8 are especially true! Thank God us women are strong & hold the family together.

    1. I am so glad you enjoyed this! I think we all need a support system while caring for men, afflicted by the man cold. How else are we going to cope? Wine? Yes please!

    1. It’s so true! What’s funny is when you are in the midst of the man cold, you are to take it 100% serious but during “post man cold”, occasionally the man himself laughs about how ridiculous he was.

  3. “A man is finely tuned for performance, we had to hunt in the caveman days and provide for the brood etc. Thus our sickness impacts us more. That’s science.” Direct quote from my husband, who states that he is a physical alpha.)

  4. Ah, but we must never call it a man cold to their faces. Because they are/were clearly dying. Attempts to point out that the truly ill cannot polish off a steak in the time it takes you to slice and butter their roll will be met with accusations of insensitivity and reminders that you never did pursue that medical degree.

    The man cold is why the good lord gave us wine. True story.

      1. Generally not from Husband, though… to be fair, I’m a bigger sick whiner than he is. Which is why I’ve got zero tolerance for any of the other men in my life claiming to be at death’s door when they get the sniffles. Suck it up, buttercupโ€”Sudafed is a thing.

  5. Lol….. I thought I’d have one to add but I think you’ve covered them there Angela! Just read it out loud to hubs here and he ain’t impressed! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿค’๐Ÿค’๐Ÿค•๐Ÿค•๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคข๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

    1. Thanks girl! It’s important to spread awareness of the man cold so men feel comfortable expressing their feelings along with their giant size ailments. We could never imagine what the male body has to endure with a cold…..

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