Sugar Daddy Test

Sugar Daddy Test

On more than one occasion my co-worker has announced she wished she would win the lottery or that she needs to find a sugar daddy. She is in her 50’s, beautiful and knows everything there is to know about the food business. I help her with excel and tech, she helps me with food questions.

Below, I’ve devised a sugar daddy test that she can give to all future suitors. I feel the below will be a quick and efficient way to snuff out any duds, a.k.a a man with the net worth of 30k. The below test is similar to the one I created earlier this year for our new co-worker to ensure she could handle the kind of office I work in (inappropriate and humorous). You can read that one here. Feel free to print off and submit to anyone you are on the fence about!


SugarDaddyTestHeader

STAFFORD-BRIGGS SUGAR DADDY TEST

In an effort to assess your sugar daddy status we have partnered with the Stafford-Briggs Institute to develop this scientific test. Please answer honestly. You’ll have approximately 15 minutes to complete. Fill out all answers with a #2 pencil. If you brought your quill and ink well, please disregard this test.

How would you describe your current exercise routine?

  1. I’m able to do 5 sit ups
  2. I stay active and drink Ensure
  3. I enjoy weekly water aerobics
  4. I’m knocking on death’s door

My current residence is (check all that apply):

  1. Summer home/condo
  2. Yacht
  3. Mansion
  4. Condo
  5. Apartment
  6. Assisted Living
  7. Nursing Home
  8. YMCA

I would describe my net worth as:

  1. HUGE (like my penis)
  2. Pretty good, I don’t like to brag
  3. I started saving in my 401K when I was 50
  4. Like a fish net? I don’t have any of ‘dose

I estimate I will be dead in_____ years

  1. Less than a year
  2. 1-4 years
  3. 5-10 years
  4. 11+ years (if you select this answer, please stop taking the test, you’re not close enough to death)

I have ____ liver spots?

  1. 0
  2. 1-2
  3. 3-4
  4. 5+ (I look like a turd)

I will require sex:

  1. Every day
  2. Once a week
  3. Semi-annually
  4. Never (I can’t get it up anymore)

I like my breath to smell like ________

  1. The black coffee I’ve been drinking all day
  2. Cigarettes
  3. Fig Newtons
  4. All of the above

My ideal restaurant, at 4 p.m. includes (check all that apply):

  1. Golden Corral
  2. Sushi
  3. MCL Cafeteria
  4. The hospital
  5. Ruth Chris
  6. Bob Evans
  7. I don’t ever go out
  8. Fig Newtons

I drink the following each week:

  1. 15+
  2. 7-9
  3. 4-6
  4. 1-3
  5. I don’t drink, that’s the devil’s drink

Would you be willing to marry without a prenuptial agreement? _______

Do you have a life insurance policy? ______

Your Stafford-Briggs Sugar Daddy Test is complete! Please let us know how you would like to be contacted should you meet the eligibility requirements (please circle):

Telephone                   Mail                 Carrier Pigeon            Telegraph

 

 

 

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