Sugar Daddy Test

Sugar Daddy Test

On more than one occasion my co-worker has announced she wished she would win the lottery or that she needs to find a sugar daddy. She is in her 50’s, beautiful and knows everything there is to know about the food business. I help her with excel and tech, she helps me with food questions.

Below, I’ve devised a sugar daddy test that she can give to all future suitors. I feel the below will be a quick and efficient way to snuff out any duds, a.k.a a man with the net worth of 30k. The below test is similar to the one I created earlier this year for our new co-worker to ensure she could handle the kind of office I work in (inappropriate and humorous). You can read that one here. Feel free to print off and submit to anyone you are on the fence about!



In an effort to assess your sugar daddy status we have partnered with the Stafford-Briggs Institute to develop this scientific test. Please answer honestly. You’ll have approximately 15 minutes to complete. Fill out all answers with a #2 pencil. If you brought your quill and ink well, please disregard this test.

How would you describe your current exercise routine?

  1. I’m able to do 5 sit ups
  2. I stay active and drink Ensure
  3. I enjoy weekly water aerobics
  4. I’m knocking on death’s door

My current residence is (check all that apply):

  1. Summer home/condo
  2. Yacht
  3. Mansion
  4. Condo
  5. Apartment
  6. Assisted Living
  7. Nursing Home
  8. YMCA

I would describe my net worth as:

  1. HUGE (like my penis)
  2. Pretty good, I don’t like to brag
  3. I started saving in my 401K when I was 50
  4. Like a fish net? I don’t have any of ‘dose

I estimate I will be dead in_____ years

  1. Less than a year
  2. 1-4 years
  3. 5-10 years
  4. 11+ years (if you select this answer, please stop taking the test, you’re not close enough to death)

I have ____ liver spots?

  1. 0
  2. 1-2
  3. 3-4
  4. 5+ (I look like a turd)

I will require sex:

  1. Every day
  2. Once a week
  3. Semi-annually
  4. Never (I can’t get it up anymore)

I like my breath to smell like ________

  1. The black coffee I’ve been drinking all day
  2. Cigarettes
  3. Fig Newtons
  4. All of the above

My ideal restaurant, at 4 p.m. includes (check all that apply):

  1. Golden Corral
  2. Sushi
  3. MCL Cafeteria
  4. The hospital
  5. Ruth Chris
  6. Bob Evans
  7. I don’t ever go out
  8. Fig Newtons

I drink the following each week:

  1. 15+
  2. 7-9
  3. 4-6
  4. 1-3
  5. I don’t drink, that’s the devil’s drink

Would you be willing to marry without a prenuptial agreement? _______

Do you have a life insurance policy? ______

Your Stafford-Briggs Sugar Daddy Test is complete! Please let us know how you would like to be contacted should you meet the eligibility requirements (please circle):

Telephone                   Mail                 Carrier Pigeon            Telegraph





Leave a reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Get the latest posts delivered to your mailbox:

%d bloggers like this: