I had so much fun writing 8 way to be a Decent Human Being at the Grocery Store, I decided to do another and this time I’m discussing the office. I know I’m going to miss some but these have always been the rules I try to follow/avoid in the workplace. I’ve worked in several offices for over 15 years and the list below reflects the biggest infractions I’ve come across.
Telephone & Email
Don’t have your desk phone ring louder than a tornado siren. Unless you’re Oprah, your desk probably isn’t in another wing of your office. Hell,, you’re probably in a cubicle. Additionally, don’t have your cell volume on full blast, leave your desk and allow for 35 rings before it goes to voicemail.
I will never send someone an email, stand up like a ground-hog and ask the co-worker I just sent it to, “did you get my e-mail?” Oh my God! Calm the fuck down.
If you must place a call, why do people put it on speaker first to dial (which the dial tone always seems loud enough for Russia to hear) then when the person on the other end picks up, then and only then do they pick up the receiver? Was it too hard to pick up first, dial then talk? Is it too heavy?
If you didn’t book the conference room, you shouldn’t be in there. I thought this was common sense but it’s not. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve booked a conference room only to find it occupied. Additionally you’ve got the people who actually did schedule the room but are completely oblivious that they have gone over the time. I think there should be a mechanism that if the people in the room before you run over by more than 5 minutes, the floor instantly gives out and all participants fall into a dungeon, similar to the dungeon Jaba the Hutt kept under his bar.
I don’t care if you are the Pope. If you book a meeting for a certain time, be on time. What is it about big wigs always arriving late than typing away on their cell phone. Put it down Daddy Warbucks, I know for a fact your not texting the Dalai Lama. I don’t care if I were president, if I committed to a time, out of respect, I am going to be on time.
Why when you use the restroom, you sometimes feel as if you share it with savages? If I drop toilet paper on the floor, guess what? I pick it up! I had a co-worker once tell us that she found a turd….yes, a human turd in our bathroom. Savages.
If you had a Garlic Tuna Delight for dinner the night before, do not bring that shit into the office the next day and warm it up. I don’t need the left over particles of tuna you heated in the microwave (for the entire building to smell, thank you very much), wrapping it’s stink onto my Healthy Choice.
I love the people who print off a small rain forest and not refill the paper. If I print out more than 50 pages, I add paper. Duh.
Long Windedness (not a word so I invented it)
There are some emailers that steal a little piece of my soul every time I open and read their message. You’ll email them something like, “is this PO confirmed?” And you receive back a 20 page dissertation as to why it is. Soul sucking.
Occasionally, you’ll get the story-teller. Guess what bard? This isn’t Denmark circa 671. We aren’t sitting around a fire while you tell us tales of the Gods. Your story isn’t interesting and you’ve essentially told me the same damn thing but in different ways 5 times.
So can you relate? Do any of these sound familiar? I could probably go on and on and on but I’m not long-winded and I won’t. I would love to hear what you have encountered or currently encounter at your place of employment!