Elf on the Shelf · Family · Holiday · Kids · Parenting · Ridiculousness

F*** It, I’m Giving Myself Props

Let me first say, I feel like a failure ALL-THE-TIME. I feel like I’m never doing well enough as a parent or a wife. I feel like I suck financially and have a life style on par with Mama June. So when I drove home today on my 50 minute commute, with ample time to… Continue reading F*** It, I’m Giving Myself Props

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Family · Holiday · Kids · Parenting

Elf on the Shelf- Night 3

I’ve posted night 1 and night 2 of the Elf on the Shelf, adult version. I hope you’ve gotten a little chuckle. Night 3 This elf can be found in his elf bed, late at night under the covers. Along with candy cane scented lube, this elf is checking out Santa’s nudie magazines Mrs. Clause… Continue reading Elf on the Shelf- Night 3

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Family · Holiday · Super Hot Mess

Elf on the Shelf- Night 2

This elf began smoking at 12. After a ridiculously long day in the sweat shop…..ahem…toy shop….he would steal away with several other elves behind the sleigh barn to have a smoke. After 2 decades of smoking Red Marlboro Mediums, he developed a cough that was deemed too disruptive to all the other elves and placed… Continue reading Elf on the Shelf- Night 2

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Family · Holiday · Kids · Parenting · Pop Culture

Elf on the Shelf-Night 1

And so it begins, I have to move that f’ing elf on the shelf every God damn day for the next month. And not just move it to the mantle, then to the tree, then onto the island. Nope, I have to create “scenes” with his felt ass because of over achieving mothers who obviously… Continue reading Elf on the Shelf-Night 1

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Getting to Know You · Holiday · Kids · Parenting · Pop Culture · Ridiculousness

What I Want For Christmas

Because I’m a spaz and overly excited for Black Friday, I have begun to think about what to ask for, for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, if my sons ask me, I’ll simply tell them, “nothing or make me something”. But for the adults, I’m like, “game on bitches!” And since my birthday is 3… Continue reading What I Want For Christmas

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Ridiculousness

Elf On The Shelf Project

I have never kept this a secret but I despise, nay, loathe, the elf on the shelf. When I first started blogging, I even posted about this little ass hole. So why am I telling you this 3 months before he arrives with his creepy, stupid smile and gives spastic mothers something to do? Because… Continue reading Elf On The Shelf Project

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Holiday · Uncategorized

Elf on the Shelf Part 2 (view discretion advised)

Last year one night I was becoming increasingly frustrated that my boys did not find my Elf on the Shelf efforts good enough. “Why didn’t Zipper move last night?” or “Why does Zipper only stay in the living room?” Jesus! This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, we were to move it to a stationary… Continue reading Elf on the Shelf Part 2 (view discretion advised)

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Elf on the Shelf · Holiday

The Elf on the Shelf Part 1

I have developed a severe aversion to the Elf on the Shelf. I wanted to know who I had to thank for this creepy looking character so I did a quick search in Wikipedia and apparently it was created by a mother/daughter duo who brought the 2nd daughter into the business because of her marketing… Continue reading The Elf on the Shelf Part 1

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!