“I blame Pinterest for this shit,” -Jen Mann, People I Want to Punch in the Throat
I didn’t have to get through the entire book to discover that Jen Mann, author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, is my spirit animal.
“Angela, everyone’s your spirit animal,” my husband retorted upon this revelation last night.
“No, you don’t understand, she really is. This book bitches about the same things I bitch about. It’s amaze-balls.”
People I Want to Punch in the Throat is a compilation of fabulous essays about less than stellar run-ins with other moms, teachers and what we might call, “unique” individuals. It’s both humorous and entertaining thanks to Jen’s amazing ability to see situations for what they are. She paints an amazing picture of what its like to parent in this day and age by writing about the ridiculous lengths some mothers will go to; to out-mom the other mothers.
As she opens the book, she explains how she met her husband over the internet and how her family settled down in Kansas. We are introduced to her children, Gomer and Adolfa. Those aren’t their real names, thank God. Throughout the book, she uses kids’ names for the other children that are hilarious! Yet another settle way Jen gets how ridiculous we have become as parents in 2018. For those of you non-parents out there, we are talking names like (and this is my own experience) Chesney and Couderay. Non-parents, it’s so bad out there now, Hunger Game names seem normal.
Many encounters with the moms in the book were horrendous. I found myself thinking on more than one occasion, ‘is this what it’s really like in Kansas? Are the moms really this bitchy?’ Take for instance the class mom and the women vying for the coveted position. I’ve been there. I was the class mom’s bitch one year. I was given the shitiest job, simply because I couldn’t get there 3 hours early to twisty tie Reeses into the shape of a witches hat.
Jen discusses not only her coping mechanism for parenting but other’s. She touches on somewhat of a taboo subject of pill-popping mothers. “Mother’s little helper” just isn’t a babysitter anymore. Moms can be super moms with the help of drugs such as Ritalin, Zoloft and Adderall. And she’s right, 100%. She even admits that for a moment, she considered jumpin’ on the pill train, just to keep up with it all.
When I began reading the chapter about the wars between moms, I thought it was going to be an essay about stay-at-homes vs. working mothers. To my delight, the chapter addressed a different kind of war and it was an amazing observation. It’s about out-moming all moms; plain and simple. For instance, if you have one mother who only buys organic vegetables, the next mother will walk you through their vegetable garden. I’ll tell you this right now, I find it an achievement to serve my children frozen vegetables I got for a buck. Because that’s how I roll.
I think every one of us has been guilty of one or more faux paux mentioned in the book. Take right now for instance, as I sit in my car, while my son is at soccer practice. I see many soccer parents. I see one woman with her hands on her hips, pacing back and forth like a women’s basketball coach.
“Who’s this bitch?” I said out loud. This woman could be a nun in civilian clothing and I just called her a bitch, and for what? The way she walked? See, it’s behavior like that, that is unnecessary and is probably half the reason for this book.
I’ll close with an additional list of topics covered in her book. I won’t expand on them because I don’t want to ruin it for you! Just put on a panty liner because you’ll piss yourself laughing!
- A well-respected co-worker’s party. I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with finger.
- Satan’s spawn
- A possibly racist child
(ok, am I just reading off Cards Against Humanity cards at this point? LOL!)
- Fur babies
- Sex toy party
Click this link: book and get the book! You won’t regret it!!!
P.S. Jen has some other books too! I just started Spending the Holidays With People I Want to Punch in the Throat! And now she also has Working with People I want to Punch in the Throat.