Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf Pics

When my good friend NC sent the following to me yesterday…..

shaving cream elf

I knew it was about that time of the year to profess my utter disdain of the Elf on the Shelf. I thought our elf, Zipper had spent his last year taunting me as I was prepared to confirm with my youngest that Santa isn’t real. In turn, this would make the elf not real and suddenly I’m not worried about ridiculous, over-the-top scenes that pinterest mothers create. The day before I was going to tell him we waited for his bus. Christmas was the topic and he wondered out loud,

“I wonder what Santa will bring me this year?”

‘Fuckity, fuck, fuck.’

So here we are, I still have to move that f’ing elf till Christmas. But I put my foot down. I announced the elf doesn’t begin moving till December 1st. To cope with yet another year with that thing, I’m writing my annual “I hate the elf” post tonight. And I have lots of pictures to go along with it. Below is a compilation of my favorite ones. I hope you enjoy!

ur mom is hot elf

I absolutely love this next one because I loved the Justin Timberlake skit on SNL:

Dick in the box Elf

Sometimes you’ve just got to write all over a kid’s head:

passed out first elf

And a baby’s head too!

babys head elf on the shelf

50 Shades of Grey (or red) Elf:

50 Shades of Elf

Dexter Elf

graphic elf


mustache elf

And my all-time favorite one, sent by my cousin F. It’s soooo wrong but soooo right:

not that gay elf

So I’m sure I’ll do more Elf on the Shelf posts so if you have one you think I should feature, tweet it to me or tag me on Facebook. My handle is hotmessmemoir!



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