Elf on the Shelf · Family · Holiday · Kids · Parenting · Rants

Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf Pics

When my good friend NC sent the following to me yesterday…..

shaving cream elf

I knew it was about that time of the year to profess my utter disdain of the Elf on the Shelf. I thought our elf, Zipper had spent his last year taunting me as I was prepared to confirm with my youngest that Santa isn’t real. In turn, this would make the elf not real and suddenly I’m not worried about ridiculous, over-the-top scenes that pinterest mothers create. The day before I was going to tell him we waited for his bus. Christmas was the topic and he wondered out loud,

“I wonder what Santa will bring me this year?”

‘Fuckity, fuck, fuck.’

So here we are, I still have to move that f’ing elf till Christmas. But I put my foot down. I announced the elf doesn’t begin moving till December 1st. To cope with yet another year with that thing, I’m writing my annual “I hate the elf” post tonight. And I have lots of pictures to go along with it. Below is a compilation of my favorite ones. I hope you enjoy!

ur mom is hot elf

I absolutely love this next one because I loved the Justin Timberlake skit on SNL:

Dick in the box Elf

Sometimes you’ve just got to write all over a kid’s head:

passed out first elf

And a baby’s head too!

babys head elf on the shelf

50 Shades of Grey (or red) Elf:

50 Shades of Elf

Dexter Elf

graphic elf


mustache elf

And my all-time favorite one, sent by my cousin F. It’s soooo wrong but soooo right:

not that gay elf

So I’m sure I’ll do more Elf on the Shelf posts so if you have one you think I should feature, tweet it to me or tag me on Facebook. My handle is hotmessmemoir!


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15 thoughts on “Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf Pics

  1. Oh man! Every time I see a Pinterest post of “a month of elf on the shelf ideas for parents who hate elf on the shelf” I think of you lol my work family does it but they don’t move their elf. He just sits on a marble wall that is really the kitchen backsplash but it comes out a little past the wall? Anyways he sits there from the time they put up their decorations to the time they take them down. No moving allowed

    1. You guys are soooo lucky it doesn’t move. I hate moving that thing EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT! I curse the mom(s) that created it. Obviously they had A LOT of time on their hands!

      1. LOL!! I feel like if I ever have my own kids I’ll be doing it up moving it every day and going a little crazy with it…

        Did I show you the Santa cam ornament? Just paint an ornament to look like a web cam/security cam and put it in our tree. Tell Carter that your elf was assigned to a different family this year but he still wanted to see how things are going so he sent the camera

        1. No, I don’t know of this Santa Cam but I bet I could make it and sell it! That’s such a good idea! And if you do go crazy with your future kids, expect a few blog posts giving you a hard time! LOL!

  2. I’ve heard of an Elementary School Bus Driver who has an Elf show up on the bus every December. He told my son the kids are especially well behaved while the Elf is riding with them. And yes, the driver moves the Elf around.

    1. Wow…what a great bus driver! Sounds like a nice fella! Moving that stupid thing around especially when you don’t have to?! Oh God, that just reminded me, I need to move the elf tonight.

  3. I was so hoping Offspring and the girlfriend would be home before Christmas this year so I could pose an Inappropriate Elf in their room! Now it’d just be creepy, a dead-eyed little doll doing dirty things on their bed while they’re out sightseeing…

    I might do it anyway.

  4. I am so glad every year I never had to do this with my son. These are hilarious, though. Glad to see some adults having fun with what has got to be nothing but a chore after the first year.

    1. It is such a chore! And you know what? I moved that f’ing thing dutifully 11/30/18 and he hasn’t even noticed it. So should I keep moving it? I don’t know. I’m glad you got a chuckle out of it!

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