I don’t care if I sound like an old curmudgeon but we need to talk about the state of rap music. I wouldn’t even call this rap, as that takes talent. If I were to invent a new category of music, and trust me, it needs its own category, here is what I would call it:
MONOTONE VOICE MAKING FOUL STATEMENTS
Yep, that’s what they can call it when they create this new category for the Grammys.
And the Grammy for monotone voice making foul statements goes to Lil’ ___________________(insert any word, trust me, anything can be used with the addition of lil’ beforehand).
This cannot be generational, it just can’t. I get that adults always dislike the music of the young but that’s the thing, this isn’t music. Again, it’s a monotone voice making foul statements.
I want you to understand where I’m coming from. My 13-year-old loves rap. He’ll play it in the car and suddenly I have the desire to run the car into a brick wall, just so my ears will stop bleeding. Click on this short YouTube video of current popular rap songs. I want you to count and note all the Lil’_______.
These “songs” make me want to punch someone in the throat. In 25 years, which one of these artists will still be relevant? I think Ice Cube is in this list and he is an artist and doesn’t count with the rest of them. He’s made it.
So I’ve had a few wines to drink and I’ve decided to make my own rap song. Keeping consistent with what is on trend right now with rap, I hope you’ll find it could possibly make the top 40.
Hot Mess’s Rap
(Big grunt #2)
I’m a cotton ball dabbin’ alcohol.
Got my bitches PM’ing me and that ain’t all.
Takin’ 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen.
Shit, stomach hurts. Too much Ibuprofen fo’ my foot, wash it down with wine, can’t sleep tonight gotta Cricut all night.
(Grunt) Yeah, gotta Cricut all night.
Bitches be needin’ personalized wine glasses for teaches. Sweatshirts for their daddies.
Gotta move the mutha’ fucka’
Gotta move the elf
Or I be shelfed
(sudden gun fire sound)
And….ya’ll are welcome! I’m dropping the mic and walking away.