To say I’m athletic is to say that the John Legend and Chrissy Teigen holiday special was magical. Both are a lie and it’s ok to accept it. This is the second dodgeball game I’ve attended. First with my oldest and now my youngest (9-years-old) had his this evening. It’s held in their gym and… Continue reading Hot Mess Plays Dodgeball
When my good friend NC sent the following to me yesterday….. I knew it was about that time of the year to profess my utter disdain of the Elf on the Shelf. I thought our elf, Zipper had spent his last year taunting me as I was prepared to confirm with my youngest that Santa… Continue reading Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf Pics
*There’s an astronomical amount of F**** in this post for my adult meltdown so if your delicate ears can’t handle it, please stop reading. It’s 11:39 at night and pissed doesn’t describe what I am right now. My son had a party this evening from 8 to 11 and my husband would take him there… Continue reading Adult Meltdown*
Do you ever feel like you just can’t keep up cuz I’m there now. I’m going on day 4 of not washing my hair (God bless you Dove dry shampoo) or not shaving my legs. I haven’t opened up the mail in weeks. Why open it up? Not like it’s going to be a check… Continue reading The Daily Grind Sucks!
Ok, I get that Walter White was a fictional character on Breaking Bad. For the 3% that hasn’t seen the show, Mr. White is a high school chemistry teacher down on his luck, diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. In an effort to ensure his family is financially secure after his passing, he begins to cook… Continue reading Walter White Junior
Yesterday I wrote a post called How to Be a Decent Human Being at a Hotel. What I failed to mention is that during out-of-town soccer tournaments, we are really just a big pile of ass holes. Seriously. D’Nial ain’t just a river in Africa and I can tell myself that our behavior isn’t horrible… Continue reading How We Aren’t Decent Human Beings at a Hotel
Both my sons have the same soccer coach. Given the drama over the past 10 days, how that man isn’t a raging alcoholic is beyond me. I’d drink if I were him but then again, it doesn’t take drama for me to pour a glass of wine. Am I right? Now, this letter isn’t for… Continue reading An Open Letter of Apology to All Youth Coaches
I have no idea why we decided to do this, obviously Carter and I were bored, yesterday morning. I turned the Alexa to French and attempted communication with the 3 words of French I know. Obviously this proved futile as she didn’t understand me, the first go around. Here is the short 3 minute video… Continue reading Hey Alexa!
I don’t know if you’ll be shocked but we had a soccer tournament this week, 40 minutes away. Though I wanted Carter (my 9-year-old) to win, a part of me didn’t want him to advance to the semi-finals which was at 7:30 a.m……on a Sunday….and we had to be there by 6:45 a.m. I didn’t… Continue reading Oh Balls!!
Soccer parents aren’t suppose to have jobs since soccer games are planned half way across town, at 6PM and on a Friday night. Who needs jobs? Shit! We’re all trust fund babies right? Unfortunately, we need to have these jobs to pay for the thousands of dollars amassed between fees, uniforms and hotels. Tonight, my… Continue reading Ass Drums