Because I’m a spaz and overly excited for Black Friday, I have begun to think about what to ask for, for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, if my sons ask me, I’ll simply tell them, “nothing or make me something”. But for the adults, I’m like, “game on bitches!” And since my birthday is 3 days after Christmas, I am afforded an extra-large list. So gentle reader, I present to you the…..
2017 Hot Mess Christmas Wish List
I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know what makes me. To be honest, I’m going to be super disappointed if it comes back that I’m only like 1% Italian when I’m banking on at least 50%. The added irony is I’ll find out that I’m some super lame make up like 80% Antarctica or something.
My friend had this last week at my sex toy party and I totally want one. They seem to be pretty affordable. I was talking with a co-worker yesterday and between the amount of alcoholic friends we had, it seemed more feasible to buy the bracelet flasks in bulk to get a discount.
I absolutely love my Amazon Dot! We use her every single day and I could give 2 shits if the NSA uses it to listen in on our conversations as the rumors suggest. We have 3 Amazon Dots and mine is in the kitchen. I use it to listen to music, the news and my audible books. We use her the most for the grocery list. It’s amazing but it’s time for an upgrade. I really, really, really want the Echo show. Essentially it’s the Dot but with a screen.
I have a 45-50 minute commute to and from work and it blows. It’s been this way for many years. What has kept me from jumping off a bridge is audible.com and listening to books. I only get 1 a month as it’s normally around $15 a month so I’m forced to listen to my books more than once. I really don’t mind though. I put the price at $40 though it can vary.
The Elf On The Shelf To Go Away $0
There isn’t a link for this gift because it’s free. Absolutely free. My son announced 2 days ago that we need to get the elf out. What I was hoping he would say is “I know the elf isn’t real, please discard of it immediately.” But no, I have another f’ing year of putting that f’ing elf in different locations every…damn…night till Christmas. As many of you all know, I am NOT a fan of the elf and obviously this was created by a very eager, bored mother who was hell-bent on torturing mothers.
So that is my list so far. Now, I want to know what you guys want for Christmas. If I win the lottery, I’ll buy it for you, pack it up and send it your way.
7 DAYS TILL BLACK FRIDAY
P.S. I am thinking about doing a live Facebook feed on Black Friday at Wal-Mart around midnight. This would be so everyone can see the disaster that is Black Friday, especially at Wal-Mart. If we are lucky, we will see a fight. Thoughts? Good idea or bad? They won’t beat my ass for video taping as I’ll have my son with me and surely they wouldn’t slap a mother….would they?
I got Fella DNA test kits for our pups for his birthday last week. We’re very excited to see what are pound puppies are made of. Fella said he wants one as well, but seeing as he’s from England and he has a grandparent from Italy… I think we know what he’s made of.
Not sure if you know of this ‘hack’ (could save you some money from not buying the flask) but I’ve seen women empty out lotion bottles and/or makeup bottles they keep in their purse and fill them up with their preferred beverage and take shots out of them. Sure, it looks weird, but taking a shot out of a bracelet would look weird too. Just a thought…
I’ve asked Fella for a good quality camera. I suck at taking pictures, so my thought is if I have a nice camera that I like using, I may not suck at it so much.
I also want a new snowboard since mine is literally 23 years old (I bought it under the title of ‘vintage’). I think it’s time…
Yeah….anytime it’s listed as “vintage”…it’s time! So let me get this straight….there are DNA tests for dogs? WTF? I can’t even afford the ones for humans. Wait….light bulb moment. Surely the dog DNA tests cost less. Could I order the dog DNA test, take it and still get the same results? Hmm…As for a good camera, I too am tempted to get a camera b/c I’m still toying with the idea of vlogging. My son wants to vlog and has shown me the camera most famous vloggers use. I don’t know. As for the lotion bottles, I’m worried I wouldn’t wash it out enough then shea butter would mix with cabernet. I’m going to a basketball game Sunday (free and it’s the suite) but I don’t want to pay $8 for a glass of wine so I need to figure that out stat! I thought about putting those individual bottles in my bra or something. Hmmm…..
Wal-Mart on Black Friday? You are truly a brave woman!
And sex toy party? Where was my invite, damnit? j/k
You know it!
Did you read that post? I laughed so much I almost cried! It was a Pure Romance party and it was SOOO MUCH FUN!
I did now…
It confirmed that I feel left out hehehehe
Ok, well next time I have a party I will do a Facebook live post. You can be comfy on your sofa and enjoy the fun! Or we can Skype you in!!! After sampling the sexy spreader (reference the first pic, I believe), I bought it but after several glasses of wine, my husband and I never figured out how to use the damn thing! We threw it on the floor and went to sleep! LOL!
Hahahaha! I thought it was supposed to cure frustration!
What about the Santa Cam Idea I sent you? Take a round ornament and turn it into a webcam looking type deal which replaces the Elf. The elf doesn’t need to be around anymore because of the webcam. Make up a few of them and place them strategically around the house so that its like Santa has got eyes everywhere 😉
I remember it vaguely but remember, I take a medicine that fries my memory so please refresh it. What is that all about? You know what I should do? His teammate was recently told that the Elf on the Shelf isn’t real. I just need to put that child with my child and hope that topic is brought up. Then I wasn’t the one to crush his dreams.
I’ll find a link and text you 😉
Got it! Thank you!!
I like the idea of the Walmart madness film.. BUT it would be even better if you get the best bits and make them into Black Friday Walmart gifs!
Oh shit yeah it would! Perhaps I could do both??? I really need my smart watch again. It took video and no one noticed. I sold it after moving to Apple but I’ll be moving back to Samsung Note hopefully soon!
stealth recording does sound safer!!
I really, really want all of these. Especially, the ancestry kit. Though I’m pretty sure it’ll just come back as me being 99% European. Also, we ALL need that bracelet flask like your mate had. Our lives would be so much better with it.
Right!? So let me throw something out there. How wrong would it be if we set up a go fund me account to fund the presents that we obviously NEED? As an American, I like to call myself a mut so I am VERY interested to see what my make up is. We should buy a case of the bracelet flask. We would probably save so much money! I can’t wait to get one!!!