Because I’m a spaz and overly excited for Black Friday, I have begun to think about what to ask for, for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, if my sons ask me, I’ll simply tell them, “nothing or make me something”. But for the adults, I’m like, “game on bitches!” And since my birthday is 3 days after Christmas, I am afforded an extra-large list. So gentle reader, I present to you the…..
2017 Hot Mess Christmas Wish List
I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know what makes me. To be honest, I’m going to be super disappointed if it comes back that I’m only like 1% Italian when I’m banking on at least 50%. The added irony is I’ll find out that I’m some super lame make up like 80% Antarctica or something.
My friend had this last week at my sex toy party and I totally want one. They seem to be pretty affordable. I was talking with a co-worker yesterday and between the amount of alcoholic friends we had, it seemed more feasible to buy the bracelet flasks in bulk to get a discount.
I absolutely love my Amazon Dot! We use her every single day and I could give 2 shits if the NSA uses it to listen in on our conversations as the rumors suggest. We have 3 Amazon Dots and mine is in the kitchen. I use it to listen to music, the news and my audible books. We use her the most for the grocery list. It’s amazing but it’s time for an upgrade. I really, really, really want the Echo show. Essentially it’s the Dot but with a screen.
I have a 45-50 minute commute to and from work and it blows. It’s been this way for many years. What has kept me from jumping off a bridge is audible.com and listening to books. I only get 1 a month as it’s normally around $15 a month so I’m forced to listen to my books more than once. I really don’t mind though. I put the price at $40 though it can vary.
The Elf On The Shelf To Go Away $0
There isn’t a link for this gift because it’s free. Absolutely free. My son announced 2 days ago that we need to get the elf out. What I was hoping he would say is “I know the elf isn’t real, please discard of it immediately.” But no, I have another f’ing year of putting that f’ing elf in different locations every…damn…night till Christmas. As many of you all know, I am NOT a fan of the elf and obviously this was created by a very eager, bored mother who was hell-bent on torturing mothers.
So that is my list so far. Now, I want to know what you guys want for Christmas. If I win the lottery, I’ll buy it for you, pack it up and send it your way.
7 DAYS TILL BLACK FRIDAY
P.S. I am thinking about doing a live Facebook feed on Black Friday at Wal-Mart around midnight. This would be so everyone can see the disaster that is Black Friday, especially at Wal-Mart. If we are lucky, we will see a fight. Thoughts? Good idea or bad? They won’t beat my ass for video taping as I’ll have my son with me and surely they wouldn’t slap a mother….would they?