Another Lump, Soccer and Back To School

back to school

This post is a a bunch of miscellaneous so I apologize for the ADD like qualities of it. Look….a shiny squirl……

The Lump

So as I wrote here, I have a gigantic, 1.5″ in diameter lump on the right side of the back of my head. The doctor (not my doctor as she was off that day) speculates it’s a benign tumor- lipoma.

2 days later, I discover another lump on the right side of my neck. I immediately send a message to my doctor and haven’t heard back so I do the next best thing. I get a diagnosis on the sidelines of a soccer field. My friend and her husband are both nurse practitioners and given how amazing nurses are, that’s like 1.75 doctors, right?

Both felt the 2 lumps (I named the first one Matilda and the second one the worst name on Earth- Renesmee from the Twilight movie. It’s the most unpronounceable name on Earth). I would like to thank Josy, for the amazing idea to name it something AWFUL!

So my friends felt Matilda and Renesmee. They seemed unconcerned about Matilda but Renesmee was another story.

“I don’t want to tell you what this could be.” My friend said in her adorable southern twang.

“Well now you do. I can handle it. What is it.”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Then I’ll Google it.”

“No!” She said firmly. “DO NOT Google it. It’s not good.”

“I’m starting to feel light-headed here,” I said honestly. “Ok, I won’t Google it.”

5 minutes later I was Googling it and landed on the worst possible site where diagnosis usually range from a head cold to A.I.D.S:

web md

So cancer is a possibility. Screw cancer. Last time I found a lump, I was in the James Cancer Hospital having a lumpectomy. Fuck you cancer.


My youngest had 2 games while my oldest had 1. Both really uneventful but I must tell you about my friend I mentioned above and what her young son said as we were walking to our car.

E: whining about something.

E’s mom: quit whining E! Your actin’ like a dic-tator!

E: Don’t call me a tater tot!

Hot Mess: E, I’m going to start calling you Kim Jun E!

E: I’m not a tator tot!

Back to School

After spending about 6 hours outside, all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and watch World War III slowly unfold on the news while shopping doomsday bunkers. 15 minutes into my obsession with current affairs, my oldest announced it was time to go back to school supply shopping. I had promised this last week when I had about 15 additional hours of sleep under my belt. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to do anything.

I’m glad they are going back to school. Honestly, it’s a money saver. The nanny alone cost an additional $800 a month and that is only 4-5 hour days. I will NEVER forget this commercial as it describes my feelings on back to school perfectly:

So again, as we head to Target, I am met with the RIDICULOUS locker accessories. Target literally has home decor…for lockers:

back to school throw rug locker accessories locker disco ballThe above pics are from last year but this shit was still there! Why on God’s green earth does anyone need housewares for their locker?

“Haiden and I are thrilled you could join us for brunch and capri suns! Let me give you the tour! This is the 1 shelf. This is the 2 hooks for my backpack and coat and lastly, this is the mirror Haiden installed for me as a surprise! While I was downstairs at the 6th grade dance, he surprised me with this amazing remodel. Don’t you love it?” 

Who are these ass holes taking everything over the top? Also, who are the ass holes buying this shit? Your 12-year-old does not need a throw rug for their locker.

So, that was my Saturday. Not much to report. Up for Sunday? Grocery shopping, cleaning my house and ordering left over school supplies on-line. You jealous of my life yet? You should be.






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