Customer Service · Kids · Soccer · Summer

Another Lump, Soccer and Back To School

This post is a a bunch of miscellaneous so I apologize for the ADD like qualities of it. Look….a shiny squirl……

The Lump

So as I wrote here, I have a gigantic, 1.5″ in diameter lump on the right side of the back of my head. The doctor (not my doctor as she was off that day) speculates it’s a benign tumor- lipoma.

2 days later, I discover another lump on the right side of my neck. I immediately send a message to my doctor and haven’t heard back so I do the next best thing. I get a diagnosis on the sidelines of a soccer field. My friend and her husband are both nurse practitioners and given how amazing nurses are, that’s like 1.75 doctors, right?

Both felt the 2 lumps (I named the first one Matilda and the second one the worst name on Earth- Renesmee from the Twilightย movie. It’s the most unpronounceable name on Earth). I would like to thank Josy, for the amazing idea to name it something AWFUL!

So my friends felt Matilda and Renesmee. They seemed unconcerned about Matilda but Renesmee was another story.

“I don’t want to tell you what this could be.” My friend said in her adorable southern twang.

“Well now you do. I can handle it. What is it.”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Then I’ll Google it.”

“No!” She said firmly. “DO NOT Google it. It’s not good.”

“I’m starting to feel light-headed here,” I said honestly. “Ok, I won’t Google it.”

5 minutes later I was Googling it and landed on the worst possible site where diagnosis usually range from a head cold to A.I.D.S:

web md

So cancer is a possibility. Screw cancer. Last time I found a lump, I was in the James Cancer Hospital having a lumpectomy. Fuck you cancer.


My youngest had 2 games while my oldest had 1. Both really uneventful but I must tell you about my friend I mentioned above and what her young son said as we were walking to our car.

E: whining about something.

E’s mom: quit whining E! Your actin’ like a dic-tator!

E: Don’t call me a tater tot!

Hot Mess: E, I’m going to start calling you Kim Jun E!

E: I’m not a tatorย tot!

Back to School

After spending about 6 hours outside, all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and watch World War III slowly unfold on the news while shopping doomsday bunkers. 15 minutes into my obsession with current affairs, my oldest announced it was time to go back to school supply shopping. I had promised this last week when I had about 15 additional hours of sleep under my belt. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to do anything.

I’m glad they are going back to school. Honestly, it’s a money saver. The nanny alone cost an additional $800 a month and that is only 4-5 hour days. I will NEVER forget this commercial as it describes my feelings on back to school perfectly:

So again, as we head to Target, I am met with the RIDICULOUS locker accessories. Target literally has home decor…for lockers:

back to school throw rug locker accessories locker disco ballThe above pics are from last year but this shit was still there! Why on God’s green earth does anyone need housewares for their locker?

“Haiden and I are thrilled you could join us for brunch and capri suns! Let me give you the tour! This is the 1 shelf. This is the 2 hooks for my backpack and coat and lastly, this is the mirror Haiden installed for me as a surprise! While I was downstairs at the 6th grade dance, he surprised me with this amazing remodel. Don’t you love it?”ย 

Who are these ass holes taking everything over the top? Also, who are the ass holes buying this shit? Your 12-year-old does not need a throw rug for their locker.

So, that was my Saturday. Not much to report. Up for Sunday? Grocery shopping, cleaning my house and ordering left over school supplies on-line. You jealous of my life yet? You should be.





Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!

43 thoughts on “Another Lump, Soccer and Back To School

  1. Who needs a carpet for their locker?! You aren’t living in *insert hip Californian name where all the movie stars now live instead of in Hollywood here* are you? lol I hope you got it all done in one go!

    I don’t have to do the back to school shopping but I do have to clean out the backpacks which have just been sitting around all summer. The demi-pair was suppose to do that while I was vacation but she fills her evenings and weekends so much I barely see her.

    1. OMG….they haven’t been cleaned out yet? I’ve forgotten to do that over say Christmas break and I am then met with a lunch box with a half eaten ham sandwich….10 days old. As I throw up in my mouth I then discover a winter break journal that was supposed to be written in every day. Good luck! Might I suggest a haz mat suit?

      1. Lol nope not yet but since I haven’t done it it wouldnt have gotten done. The demipair was suppose to help while I was on vacation but that didnt happen. Shes suppose to give 20 hours of child care each week and the last two weekends shes been on trips. Plus out almost every evening to patios and things with her friends….

    1. I know! Doesn’t that name just sound evil? I thought about naming it a white trash name but knew that something annoying would be better. Wonder if I could just extract her with a chopstick or something.

  2. I’ve never heard of locker decorations but that has to be one of the more ridiculous things I’ve ever heard of. Best wishes on your new friends, I hope they get the hint and leave soon. As someone who works in healthcare, Never, ever google that kind of stuff.

    1. I know….I know….but when you are told “it’s bad, don’t Google it,” you are obliged to look. Like a train wreck, you know. What do you do in healthcare? Just asking for when I go cheap-ass again and need a diagnosis. LOL!

    1. I will keep you posted on Renesemee. I think she is going down now, thank goodness! I’m going to wait a few more days and see. My son also reminded me there are also chandeliers for the locker so in case you want to go the classy route, you could purchase one of those.

  3. I added shelves and extra storage to my locker. But I’m weird like that.

    Offspring doesn’t use his, and over the years there have been some loud discussions in this house as we find out, several weeks into the summer, that he left shoes, clothes, books, whatever in his locker early in the year right before he forgot the combination and never went back for it. That shit gets cleared out after the last day! Those expensive shoes are gone forever! I mean, he’d probably outgrown them by summer anyway, but still!

    This year I’ve told him to just rent it out to someone who wants his prime Senior Locker location… if he’s not going to use the damned thing, he might as well make a buck off it.

    1. Can you do that (rent)? That’s an amazing idea! I almost don’t want to tell my oldest b/c that’s the shit he would pull. That is terrible! I told my son that if he looses his $20 calculator again, he’s going to have to buy a replacement.

      1. I did it senior year. They ran short of lockers for my class, so they held a lottery to see who would get one, figuring that most of us could just use our cars (painfully rich neighborhood, so yeah but the parking lot was way inconvenient). I got one, couple of my friends who also did not have cars didn’t, so I let out my extra space to one of them.

        Wait ’til they need the $100 calculators… you’ll become the goddamned calculator police.

        1. Well, he is going to have to download an app that has the same calculator capabilities because all be damned if I’m buying a $100 calculator. In your adult life, have you ever used a $100 calculator? I haven’t.

            1. Ewww…calculus? I don’t think I ever made calculus. In fact, I believe I was in remedial college math or something. I kid you not, I think I took every college math class twice. I hated it so much.

    1. It is sad Becca. Very sad. Please do not say that again or you will loose street cred. LOL! Yes, and fuck Renesmee though she is going down in size so I am going to wait a few more days. My nurse friends think it was the agitation of the lipoma and after the steroids, it would go down and it has. So let’s cross our fingers!

        1. Becca, I say this with all the love in the world, under no circumstance are you to come home with a locker soccer ball. Where you gonna put it? Your closet?

          1. You’re right, you’re right! I didn’t get one. I stayed clear of that aisle, sadly. But I knew it was for my own good. Although, wouldn’t a little disco ball hanging from a shelf in the laundry room make laundry more fun?!?

                1. Not shitting you, I almost want to get one now, just to install and take a pic. Ikea has disco balls too that may be better suited for a laundry room? IDK.

  4. Renessme!! Thanks for the kudos, but I just pointed you in the right direction. You found that winner yourself!

    I sort of like the idea of a disco ball in a locker…but it’d be better as a Christmas tree decoration!

    1. Why does everyone love the disco ball? This isn’t Studio 64. I need to shut up though. I’m the nerd that had a locker answering machine in the 80’s which worked about 5% of the time and only if my 4 friends that got the special disk thing to make it work was literally kissing my locker.

      1. Bwahaha that is amazing! I never even had a phone in my room, let alone my own answering machine…in a locker!

        We’re just not very cool. Disco balls are great just because they are so shiny/ sparkly.

        1. Thank you. I don’t think it’s anything. The lump where a lymph node is has gone down to about the size of a blueberry. I’m going to go back to the doctor if it doesn’t go down 100% in the next few days.

Wanna leave a reply?