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Black Friday, Like the Purge But With Less Deaths

Do you know there’s an actual website that counts the deaths and injuries that occur on Black Friday? Since 2006, they’ve given an overall total and listed how the death or injury occurred. It didn’t help matters that last night, a black cat darted out in front of my car before shopping. Thanks a lot ass hole.

I’ve deduced that Black Friday is like The Purge in these ways:

  • It happens once a year. You either love Black Friday and stay out late. Or hate it, lock your doors and lay low.
  • It’s the one day of the year that people who never spend money, let loose and buy everything.
  • Shoppers become somewhat barbaric (hence the site), stopping at nothing to get what they want.

We did come across some interesting characters while shopping. I had to either take their pic or have one taken with them:

Sams ClubDicks

What is up with these Christmas suits, btw?

Wal-Mart 5:30 P.M. Thursday

Wal-Mart is my own personal hell yet it was a necessary evil. We are remodeling our basement and according to my husband and sons, sticking anything under a 60″ television down there is on par with life in a 3rd world country. In fact, they feel so strongly about this piece of technology, that they have devised a plan to hang not 1 but 2, 60″ televisions on top of each other. Considering a soccer ball is kicked between my feet on a daily basis by any of the 3, how long until a soccer ball hits and cracks the bottom tv, ya think?

But what do I know? Sorry, I digress.

fridgaireLong story short, my husband scored a 65″ tv for just $400! I bought this adorable little mini fridge for my cube at work for just $20.

I’m afraid to report I didn’t get an pictures of Wal-Mart shoppers as Black Friday Wal-Mart shoppers are a different breed and they would have probably kicked my ass if caught. Granted, I was technically a Wal-Mart shopper but I’m talking about the granny in a wife beater, that had her tongue pierced. Then there was a parent who thought bringing a newborn baby to Wal-Mart on Thanksgiving evening was a good idea.

Target 7 P.M.

Once inside Target, we came across 5 women who all made sweatshirts. On the back of each sweatshirt was a hashtag and their role in tonight’s shenanigans. So for example, there was one that said #prisoner. Obviously she didn’t want to be there. Another woman’s sweatshirt read #bodygaurd. Obviously a gift idea for the bodyguard would be a dictionary.

Macy’s 9 P.M.

In a high crime area, I proceeded to leave my friend’s minivan door wide open while we shopped for an hour. It was the equivalent of $5,000 of merchandise and electronics that could have been stolen. Thank God, no one noticed.

We also went to Dick’s and Kohl’s. At 12:30, we were broken women and decided to go home. And I’ll leave you guys with this thought: for anyone out there that professes,

“I just can’t do Black Friday” or “I’m just not the type to fight the crowds and it’s not even worth it”. I can’t stand the people who act like Black Friday is beneath them. Unless your rich, you’re leaving money on the table. Sure, it sucks but aren’t our loved ones worth it?




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13 thoughts on “Black Friday, Like the Purge But With Less Deaths

  1. We don’t really *do* Black Friday here. Like our stores have started to get on the Black Friday sales train because they were losing a LOT of customers to the states and then they would lose out on those Christmas shoppers. I’ve been getting emails for about a week now “Black Friday sales start NOW!” Basically we have two weeks of Black Friday deals and no need to actually go and fight it out in the store because none of them stay open longer just because it’s Black Friday. Our thing is more Boxing Day. I had a friend who’s family only gave gift cards and then on Boxing Day it was their tradition to get up and go to the mall together as soon as it opened (like wait outside in the freezing cold for it to open) and then just buy whatever they wanted. But even that has started to extend from Boxing Day sales to Boxing Week sales. Of course there are extra sales on the actual day but nothing that crazy to really entice people out of bed at 5am the day after Christmas.

    1. Boxing day is the day after Christmas, right? What is Boxing day? I know, God forbid I Google it (LOL!). Black Friday has melted into Thanksgiving. Now I do more of my shopping on Thanksgiving. You literally have to otherwise, the stuff will be sold out by Black Friday hits. Also, there is Cyber Monday. Do you have that?

      1. Yes we have cyber Monday!! It’s getting bigger and bigger every year too. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas and was named as such because all the boxes would be put out from all the presents the day before. And it’s HUGE savings here.

  2. I am SOOO jealous of that mini fridge! And what a steal on the TV. I say it’s only worth getting shanked on Black Friday if you need to make a big purchase like buying a TV. So, well done, you. I will NEVER understand those who take brand new babies out like that. ESPECIALLY to Walmart. That poor thing probably has the Bubonic Plague now. Some people…

    1. And they usually have a kool-aid musta he and green snot, hanging from their mouths. Well, that’s the toddlers. And come to think about it, that’s probably any given day at Walmart.

  3. I’m one of those nuts that have their Christmas shopping mostly done before Thanksgiving. I did shop on Black Friday once in the late 1970s just to see what all the hoopla was about. I wasn’t prepared for the aggressive shopping tactics used by die hard sale shoppers. Took a hit to the back of my head when I got caught between two determined ladies fighting over a sweater of all things. Talk about taking shopping seriously.

  4. Black Friday came to the UK a couple of years ago and I must admit I’m not a fan. Research has shown certainly over here that at least 80% of prices were actually lower before Black Friday but they marked them higher to make it look like you were saving more money. I didn’t buy anything this year except petrol. If you can get a bargain then brilliant but I wouldn’t want to fight over a TV or get injured to save a bit of money.

    1. YOU WERE SO SMART! Online is a great thing. There have been a few times where I’ve attempted online and there was so much traffic that I couldn’t shop. I think that happened twice with Target.

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