S***, I Joined Weight Watchers

When I drink, I would like to say I become braver, a bit bolder. Sometimes when I see a problem, I immediately swoop into action, ignoring the possible consequences. I’m only aware of what I’ve done when the next day, I awake to 1 or more of the following:

  • I have 50+ likes on Facebook or Twitter
  • There is a private message from someone I offended
  • I have a receipt of a purchase in my email

Last night was no different and we’ll go with option C. Blogging and throwing caution to the wind for what I eat has caught up with me and I needed to do something about my weight. It hit me Friday when I was doing a YouTube review of a wine aerator and watched it before posting.  I’m like,

‘Jesus Christ, I am legit fat!’ 

Right or wrong, that was my thought so I logged onto Weight Watchers to see Oprah having what seemed to be the time of her life in the kitchen with her diet food.

‘Well if Oprah loves it, it can’t be that bad. Right?’

And thanks to Oprah’s gentle nudging, I signed up. And I didn’t just sign up for the .com stuff. Nope, I signed up for the meetings too. In celebration of this first step, I posted the following eloquent tweet on Twitter:

weight watchers

The Morning After

This morning, I downloaded the Weight Watcher app and got to the part where you enter your existing weight and froze. I hadn’t weighed myself in months. Ignorance is bliss, right? I walked up to my bathroom and stripped as I would not be responsible for loosing weight from my clothes. I also took off my watch and peed in an effort to lose more ounces. If I had time, I would have driven to my nearest Red Cross and given blood as that equates to a pound. I know this because I’ve immediately weighed myself after giving blood. That’s a weight loss tip for you….you’re welcome.

I stepped on the scale and my eyes bulged. Dear…freaking….God!

150!

150! I haven’t weighed that much since being pregnant. Are you kidding me? I think I may have broken in a sweat.

Shaun T

I immediately threw my clothes back on and went downstairs, vowing to start the weight loss immediately. I’ve had success with Shaun T but had an epic fail with Ali Diet pill, shitting myself at work.  After what seemed to be 20 minutes, I finally managed to get the DVD player working and played workout 1 of Shaun T’s Insanity- Abs. It did not disappoint with regards to torture as I wanted to die after 3 minutes.  I did more than I had done recently so that felt good but I still wanted to die. Eventually I began to get one of my painful foot cramps and I was done.

Goal

So drunk Hot Mess signed me up for Weight Watchers and sober Hot Mess will not let her down. Seeing the scales today was an eye opener. I can do this. Yeah….totally……

If you haven’t noticed, I’m talking myself into this. But I think unlike times in the past, I’ve never signed up for Weight Watcher meetings. I did it because I can lie to myself and justify behavior but I can’t justify it to Karen who is weighing me in. She’s not going to buy a 5 wine glass binge on a Friday night. Frankly, I hope I get an ass hole who weighs me in. I hope they don’t take any of my bullshit because I can assure you, I am an excellent negotiator.

Have any of you done a Weight Watchers meeting? What is it like? If I hear anyone at the meetings say “you don’t belong here,” I will throat punch them after lifting up my shirt and showing them my healthy muffin top.

Share the laughs with friends!

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