Family · Kids · Parenting · Pop Culture

He’s Not Old, Damn It!

My early morning conversations with my 12-year-old seem to becoming more and more ridiculous as the school year marches on. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We have approximately 20 minutes between the time I wake up and the time I drive him to the bus stop. In a hung-over haze, I quickly attempt to make his lunch while we discuss the latest current events. Today was no different.

As P sat on the sofa, I did what I swore I would never do as it was so friggin’ annoying as a child watching tv, when my grandma did it. She would ask things like……

“Who’s this fella’?” 

“Is this still the same show?” 

“What’s happening?”

5 minutes later, “Is this still the same show?”

Get with the program grandma! Literally. But I digress. Here’s how the conversation went this morning….

“P, is he a player?” I asked about the gentleman on t.v, giving a press conference. I thought he was good-looking.

P laughed as if I had just asked if the dude was the MVP of Tiddlywinks.

“That guy? He’s too old to be a player. That’s the coach.” He responded. “Player,” he laughed-snorted.

In a voice 10 octaves lower than my usual voice, I pointed my finger dramatically at him and said, “you shut your mouth.”

P laughed as this is a common occurrence in my household. My sons will yell at the t.v. and make a comment on how a guy is too old to be playing goalie. Meanwhile I’m wondering if the dude is old enough to drink. When I ask how old the guy is they’ll announce,


The Lunch Box

Just minutes after my schooling of how the 40-something-coach is indeed not a player, I reached into my freezer to get an ice block out for P’s lunch.

“I don’t think it’s cold enough,” I said as I handed it to him.

He touched it, “yeah, it’s not.”

“You’ll be fine,” I said. “We didn’t even have ice blocks for lunches when I was your age.”

“What ‘cha have to do? Empty an ice tray into a bag?”

Playing on our conversation just minutes before that, I decided to roll with it.

“Nah, that wasn’t possible, as plastic for the ice trays had not been invented…….in 1856.”

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13 thoughts on “He’s Not Old, Damn It!

      1. Kids don’t get it until they get older. My niece and nephew were in the back of the car one day arguing over how old Jesus was. My nephew said fine “He’s 32”. I will never forget laughing so hard.

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