Family · Holiday

Hot Mess Doesn’t Do Basketball

So when my work emails us and says there are free suite tickets for the OSU basketball game, I jump at it. Not because I love sports, I think many of you know my feelings about sports. It’s for my sons. It just so happens that no other co-workers could make the game today so… Continue reading Hot Mess Doesn’t Do Basketball

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Fall · Family · Kids · Parenting · Pop Culture · Ridiculousness

A How To Guide On Playing Football

As I completely miss the soccer ball my 8-year-old kicks to me, I’m reminded of how little to no experience I have with any sport what so ever. Every skill these boys got is from my soccer extraordinaire husband. With the exception of soccer (which I do find tedious if it’s not the Crew or… Continue reading A How To Guide On Playing Football

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Family · Kids · Parenting · Pop Culture

He’s Not Old, Damn It!

My early morning conversations with my 12-year-old seem to becoming more and more ridiculous as the school year marches on. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We have approximately 20 minutes between the time I wake up and the time I drive him to the bus stop. In a hung-over haze, I quickly attempt… Continue reading He’s Not Old, Damn It!

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Family · Kids · Parenting · Ridiculousness · Soccer · Summer

This Isn’t A Locker Room!

Saturday kicked off the beginning of soccer season with what is known as a friendly game at 9 a.m. for my 8-year-old son, while my husband was taking my 12-year-old to his game. To be honest, there isn’t such a thing as a soccer season. Perhaps a soccer year? It’s like a unicorn or big… Continue reading This Isn’t A Locker Room!

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Family · Kids · Parenting · Soccer

I Should Have Googled How To Play Soccer

I can barely move my legs; they hurt so bad. This is somewhat of a wake up call that I need to A. continue my diet and B. exercise. Tonight was our parents vs. kids soccer game with my 8 year old-C. I decided to go all out so I hit the thrift store yesterday and scored an old-school pair of shorts and an Ohio State Soccer t-shirt for $4.50. I finished off the look with a thick white headband from The Walmart.

The Soccer Game

hot mess soccerAfter arriving at the field, I asked my friend to take this picture. Do you like it?

The game began and my main goal was to not get hit in the nose with the ball. Seeing that I have a roman nose, and it protrudes farther than most, this allowed it to be an easier target. And that hurts like mad to get hit in the nose. I was however secretly praying for a concussion as this would afford me 3-4 days off work.

 

At one point, the boys had a penalty kick. Since I don’t have balls (no pun intended) but wanted to “act the part”, here is how I stood. I look like I’m 80 in this pic from the way I squished my face up. I’m pleased to say I did not get hit in the face…..or balls.

Soccer Penalty Kick

The Soccer Halftime Show

Again, because I could give 2 shits about winning, I thought halftime would be a good time for another photo-op. I now appreciate the cheesiness of sport pictures children have to take. I decided to recreate a few….and someone photo bombed it…..

soccer mooning soccer pose 2

 

soccer pose

The Soccer Second Half

soccer ref

The second half began and I was kinda done. I ran for like 3 seconds and suddenly my thighs began to burn. ‘Holy shit, I’m out of shape,’ I thought as I bent over to catch my breath. I don’t even smoke! Like a kid on a road trip, I began to ask the “ref” every 4 minutes how much more time was left. When I was sure we only had 2 minutes, she informed me we actually had 10. 10? What the hell? Here is a pic of her taking a yellow card out of her bra at one point. Hilarious!

To sum up, I am SO BAD AT SOCCER IT HURTS. I am that person everyone doesn’t want on their team. When the whistle blew and the game was over, everyone kept playing. Not me. I was done. I announced the game is over and I would now be the photographer’s (my friend) assistant. Not surprisingly, no one argued being down a whole player as I exited the field. The kids beat us by 1 point….oh sorry….goal.

 

 

 

 

I do sports. I do sports real good.

 C and Me Playing Soccer
My son questioning if we are really related.

 

 

 

 

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Family · Kids · Parenting · Soccer

My Non-Existent Athletic Ability

When I was around 10, my very Italian, very Catholic father thought it be a good idea I be an alter girl. He had been an alter boy so why shouldn’t I be an alter girl? It was a fuckin’ nightmare in my book. For anyone that isn’t Catholic, please don’t bother. I’ll be real.… Continue reading My Non-Existent Athletic Ability

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Fall · Family · Parenting · Ridiculousness · Soccer

Travel Soccer = Booze Fest

My title pretty much says it all. Over the weekend we traveled with 9 sets of parents to an out of town tournament 1.5 hours away. Because like every f’ing tournament, the first game was at 8 am Saturday, meaning we would have to be there at 7:30 or in my husband’s eyes- 7 am. So it… Continue reading Travel Soccer = Booze Fest

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Fall · Family · Kids · Parenting · Pop Culture · Ridiculousness · Super Hot Mess

You Can’t Make This Up….

I…we…are home safe, I’ll say that first. My 11 year old- P was hell bent on seeing a local high school football game. I approach football games like pap smears but like an annual, I was faced going to one. He chose to take 2 teammates from soccer, 2 extremely well behaved, perfect children. They literally… Continue reading You Can’t Make This Up….

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!
Family · Ridiculousness

I Am An Empty Shell of a Woman Tonight

My title pretty much sums it up. I’m sitting at my table attempting to concentrate on this post while my sons talk NON STOP, NEVER STOPPING, MUST TALK ALL-THE-TIME. I’ve presented this question in previous posts and it never gets old as I wonder it 24/7. How do children talk this much? Seriously, one of… Continue reading I Am An Empty Shell of a Woman Tonight

Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!