When I go through the self-checkout with wine, I love to see the date they enter for my birthday. As a baseline, I was born on 12.28.76, making me 42-years-old. I’d say over the past 5 years, I’ve only been asked for my ID maybe 5% of the time. I once read they have to… Continue reading Put My Age in the Register….I Dare You!
Today is my birthday all! Hot Mess turns 42! I’d like to think I don’t look old but maybe I do? I feel like aging is like carrying all the clothing you just folded to everyone’s bedroom. You’re hell-bent on not dropping any because you only want to make 1 trip to each of their… Continue reading Today Is My Birthday!
“I dreamt you died,” my friend/co-worker said to me today. “Come again? Wait…what? How did I die?” “I can’t say,” she responded. “You can’t tell me you dreamt I died then not tell me how I died. Was I decapitated?” “No.” “Was I raped?” “No.” “Then tell me!” After a few seconds she paused and… Continue reading I Dreamt You Died
At 41, my sons deem me old. I don’t feel old and I feel like I’m doing a whole hell of a lot better trying to take care of my skin with my 1,001 SPF and facial creams. I was going to start out saying that old people are weird given my last 2 encounters… Continue reading 2 Odd Fellas’
How am I using my son’s zit cream? I am forty-fucking-one and using zit cream. As a teen and a 20-something, I thought one of the few pluses of aging would be the zits going away. But like thinking maternity leave would be a vacation, it was all just a cruel joke. I have adult… Continue reading Adult Acne, WTF?
My early morning conversations with my 12-year-old seem to becoming more and more ridiculous as the school year marches on. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We have approximately 20 minutes between the time I wake up and the time I drive him to the bus stop. In a hung-over haze, I quickly attempt… Continue reading He’s Not Old, Damn It!
Yesterday I had a follow-up appointment to measure and check Matilda. Matilda is my benign tumor on the back of my head. Because I’m bat shit crazy, I decided to name her. Here’s the post about when I discovered I had a buddy: I Ate My Twin In The Womb Before going to the doctor’s, I… Continue reading Matilda, Target And Walmart
Like no one telling me the first few months of a newborn’s life is on par with torture techniques, I was fed the line of crap that acne goes away once you are a seasoned adult. I’m 40 and I still have acne. What the hell? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t get… Continue reading When Do Zits Go Away?
Ok, I really don’t think this is a mid-life crisis happening. It’s just that I’m turning 40 in 3 weeks and there are things I’m concerned about. Yesterday I noticed my upper arms jiggling a little too much. I also noticed the botox has worn off that I got for free earlier this year. You… Continue reading I’m Almost 40, What The Hell?