I’m so fucking annoyed right now. I have nats crawling on my monitor while a fly taunts me around my head.
“Not today Satan!” I scream as I clap my hands together and catch the nat.
I’m drinking wine, I’ve got a blog and I’m not afraid to use it. It’s 9:30 p.m. and this is the first chance I’ve had to myself since 6 a.m.
So here’s the deal….
My 12-year-old P, has had pain in his right foot since Tuesday. I promised we’d visit the doctor tomorrow but we are going to Craft Brew at the Zoo and my Pediatrician had availability at 6:30 this evening.
“What did you do to it?” I asked while slamming on the breaks at yet again another stop light.
“No idea.”
“Something had to of happened,” I argued.
“I have no idea how I hurt it.”
Indecisive people and people who don’t take 5 minutes to ponder things like this annoy me to no end. My son is not immune. I want to be like, “think damn it!”
30 minutes later we are driving from the Pediatrician to Children’s Hospital urgent care for an X-ray. My son is pleased to see the doctor put him in this boot thing that looks like blue Birkenstocks. He nicknamed it the Jesus 2 like the way Adidas names their shoes.
Once in the waiting room there was a mom that completely forgot she had a 4-year-old and left him to his own devices. As she’s at the front desk, the little boy greets my 8-year-old and begins to pull all the table chairs out to form a sofa.
“Obviously he’s making a sectional.” I told my sons.
Then THE THING happened. Behind one of the 3 check in stands, a newborn baby began to wail……
And wail…..
And wail…..
This baby cried….and cried….and cried. Now before any trolls out there tell me the obvious: the baby very well could have been sick or in pain. I get that and I do hope the poor dear got the help she needed but the mother and/or nurses needed to shut that shit down asap. When my kids would cry uncontrollably, I would immediately remove them and myself from the situation. It was a beautiful day and she could have easily taken the baby outside.
It was now 7:45 p.m and we were on our way home without results. I had had 1 cheese stick on the way to the doctor so I wouldn’t eat my young or the nurses. I decided I wasn’t going to make it home before needing to feed again.
Arby’s
“Gentleman, we are stopping at Arby’s. What do you want?” I declared like a conquistador.
I turned into the parking lot just as I saw a truck racing to beat me to the drive thru.
“Ha….ha!” I cackled. “I’m totally beating you!” I said as I entered the wrong way and swung my car around to be in front.
“Mom, this is Wendy’s,” P said nonchalantly. He knew that any other tone would not have been wise.
“What? Oh my God! I’m such a disaster!”
They giggled as I pulled out of the line (a.k.a, tail between my legs) and drove next door to Arby’s.
“They got rid of the junior roast beef sandwiches,” P informed me as we waited.
“Come again?” I asked not understanding this statement.
“Yeah, last time grandpa took us they said they don’t have them anymore.”
I was quietly having a meltdown as this completely screwed up standard operating procedures. Normally, I take 3 junior roast beef sandwiches, take the meat out of one, discard that bun and add the beef to the other two. For variety, I add horsey sauce to one and bbq to the other. It’s practically a meat buffet.
“Can you please pull up to the curb while we make your fries hot and fresh?” The young girl asked as if she was about to present to me season two’s, first episode of Westworld. How can you say no?
After 3 minutes and 40 seconds, I was IRRATE. It’s almost 8 o’clock at night, I ordered 4 “snack” curly fries, 2 classic roast beef sandwiches, 2 lemonades and 2 Italian sliders and you would think I ordered a feast for a hamlet.
“That’s it!” I screamed. “Lock the doors. I’m going in.” I unbuckled in a huff, only to walk inside to be met by a young girl.
“Oh my God, I am so sorry. I feel so bad.”
I forced a smile, swiped the bag and walked back to my car. It was nearing 8 o’clock and I just WANTED TO GO HOME!
The Results
So the results? No fracture or broken bone. I’m pleased at this outcome but I must say this makes x-ray #5 where he was convinced something was broken and it turned out to be nothing. I don’t think he realizes this isn’t like going to the dollar store and getting an x-ray for a buck. This has easily been a $500 night. We have insurance but it doesn’t kick in till the ridiculous deductible (1st and 2nd born along with your pet) is met.
You have a talent that is remarkable…..I don’t read stuff like this but from word 5, I was hooked into this story. That takes some impressive talent.
Oh my goodness! This went to spam and I am just now reading this. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You made my day! I’m gonna check out your site tonight. I’ve been slammed and I hate when I don’t have time to just sit down and read. I’m glad you like my writing!
Love your writing but it’s sad worstpress believes me, such a good looking man, is a hunk of potted pig parts and sends me to your spam folder.
Worstpress? Is that like calling Taco Bell Toxic Hell? LOL! I’m sorry you were sent to spam! I’ll keep an eye on the spam folder more often!!! 😉
I love your blog but I can’t share anything you write on my blog because your blog is not on worstpress….and yes, it’s exactly like Toxic Hell…Arbutts and McDondumps. I would marry you if I were younger, your humor is magnificent. YOU must publish some books of your stories.
Wait….it’s not on WordPress? Like in the reader? Is there a reblog option? Wow, a marriage proposal and a compliment on being young….I’m beyond flattered! Alas, I am a married & 40. You’ll be the first gentleman I call though, should polgamy become legal in Ohio. LOL!!!
Oh, and I forgot to mention I do have 2 unpublished books. Someday I will get them published. Someday!
I get to go to urgent care later today (after work this morning) to get a steroid shot in my ass to control the poison ivy I’ve contracted all over my body, and by all over, I mean ALL over. 🙁
Shut up! Seriously!! That’s gotta hurt!
ok those videos are great! haha! But I’m sorry your day sucked. You need to move to Canada and then you can have all the free x-rays that P requires! Even from walk-in urgent care clinics! lol
And is it false that you have to wait weeks or even months to get in?
Doctors offices are the best option for wait times. Free clinics or emergency rooms are hit and miss. Obviously in a bigger city like Toronto wait times will be much longer. But I walked into my docs office unannounced in the afternoon and didnt even have to sit down. Things like hip replacements have a longer waiting time but thats not life threatening I guess.
Wow, that’s amazing! Tell me botox is free and I’m becoming Canadian!
Lol unfortunately free health care only applies to non-elective procedures haha
Damn it!
Lol sorry! But with free xrays you wont worry so much and therefore less need for botox! Win-win
Jeez!!!
Urgh you poor thing!
At least you got those snacks in the end! I don’t even know what Arbys is! Is it like a drive through sarnie shop?
Isn’t it both wonderful and awful when your medical emergency turns out to be nothing? Yay I’m not dying! But boo that I’ve been in unexplainable pain anddd now I’m a little broke over apparently nothing!
EXACTLY! YOU TOTALLY NAILED IT! You don’t want anything to be wrong but your practicality kicks in and you want something for your money!
Hotmess, it is better to be safe than sorry when the kid thinks something is broke. When the baby was 12, he kept complaining off and on about his knee hurting. After a week or so when I realized he wasn’t being his dramatic self, hubby took him to the doctor. Doctor said, keep it iced, blah, blah, blah. A few days later he is in constant pain. I take him back to the doctor, they do x-rays and discover his leg bone has come out of the socket.
Jesus! That’s terrible!! Poor baby to endure that!!