Customer Service · Parenting · Pop Culture

Ikea Has Bent Me Over

My back aches, I have about 3 new bruises, 2 scrapes and I’ve been stabbed by a wood nail in my pinky toe. I smell like the bottom of a trash can and this is only after almost completing my son’s bed:


It’s going to be really cool because it does this:


It pulls out to make a full bed and has 2 drawers. Perfect for a 90′ square foot room!

But it doesn’t hide the fact that I am on hour 8. Yes, I said hour 8 of putting this asshole together. That is why I didn’t post this morning and it killed me. By 9:30 we were already making the 30 minute trip to Ikea.

To accompany this nightmare they call a bed, we also purchased the following for him:

MalmDresser MickeDesk KullenNightstandDirections

Ikea has what? Hundreds of locations? Obviously they are doing well as I see additional locations being built despite the economic downturn of retail. So why the fuck do the directions blow so much? Seriously! Why? For anyone that has never built anything from Ikea, please know there are 0 words, only drawings. Half-assed drawings. This one was awesome as I not only had the headboard (with the 2 circles) upside down and had to take it apart, but apparently the headboard and footboard are different and MUST be built exactly to the image, so I had to take it apart again! I wanted to scream!


This next direction makes me laugh. It shows the ends of the planks twice and both with 3 holes. But one of the 3 holes is wrong in dimension and you must figure out which one it is:


Here is where I directed my husband to screw in all 12 slats, every other one, as I interpreted the below directions:


However, based on the next directions, it was apparent he was only supposed to screw in 4 slats then lay the other 8 in. I unscrewed all 8 slats, while tearing up.


So, my Ikea break is almost over so I have to wrap up this post. I’m hell-bent on finishing the bed (I’m almost done with the drawers) tonight! Then I’ll do his dresser which I pray to God, Jesus, Buddha and Allah that it’s not even 10% this time-consuming. Wish me luck peeps!




Stumble, Tweet or Share and I'll love you forever!

27 thoughts on “Ikea Has Bent Me Over

    1. I don’t think they were but thank you! I built Ikea stuff from 1:30 PM to 12:15 AM yesterday. I took a combined total of 2 hours of break for the entire day.

    1. Thank you! They’ve been open for 6 weeks and I’ve been there 4 times already. Within a week I’ve spent a combined total of almost $700! I need a part-time job there just for the discount.

      1. The discount is good. And they have an interest free buying plan for employees too, which deducts off your paycheck. That’s cool. But… They also should be able to refer you to 3rd party assemblers. In my old city the best one was an autistic guy who was basically IKEA rainman, assembled everything really well because he knew what the details meant. Its pretty cool.

        They don’t have words so they can package one set of instructions for all their countries of destination its a cost management. Having 13 languages for the EU and US and Canada and australia would cover most but not all and then it would be 70 pages long and its still weird to have to read something like “make sure that you use the side of the plank with the 3 holes most condensed not the side which has 3 holes equidistant to each other and dispersed.” I don’t actually think it would make things better. I think looking through all the steps and noting very carefully what IKEA shows is your only hope.

        Mind you I have way too much IKEA and as you may have gleaned I have close ties to employees….

  1. I quite like putting together furniture and complicated toys. However….that looks like it was an absolute nightmare and I’m not jralous one bit. I hope you’re spending a bit of time doing much more fun stuff today 😂

    1. I wish you were at least in the same country as me. Then you could have come helped me! LOL! I worked on it a few hours each day for 3 days this past week then worked on it from 1:30 PM to 12:15 AM with 2 hours of a break. I’m done! I wish I could take a break. Today is laundry and groceries.

    1. LOL! Hilarious but not! It wouldn’t be so bad if A. there were words. B. Parts were labeled. C. The drawings didn’t look like some artsy-fartsy interpretation of what a screw looks like. I mean, label the 3 bags for Christ’s sake!

  2. Woah that looks complicated!
    I quite like putting Ikea things together…but I never tried until I was an adult. Did you consider getting your son to do it himself as a learning experience? 😀 😉

    1. Sorry to disappoint but I could see how my title evokes possible sexual innuendos! Lol!! Why do you hate Ikea? I would live in an Ikea if I could! Without the public there of coarse! Think about it, cinnamon rolls in the morning and Sweedish Meatballs in the evening!

Wanna leave a reply?