Sooo….my family and I had our Skype interview tonight to be on the Gordon Ramsay show and it went REALLY well. It ended with her saying she has Skyped with several families and we are by far the most entertaining. We aim to please in the Hot Mess household! If you haven’t heard, here is what has transpired thus far:
I’ve taken off the 3 lbs. of makeup to make me look alive, I’ve poured a glass of wine and I have a sleeping boy on each side of me on the sofa. My oldest thought it was adorable just 20 minutes ago that he had gas and made it a point to fart so loud that I questioned if there were holes in the sofa. I want to be like, “your not a newborn. It’s not cute. It smells like death. Cut that shit out!” He would laugh and attempt to waive it my way. Really?
For 2 hours before the 7:30 appointment I prepared. I took a shower so my hair would be full and not limp. I googled “how to look great on Skype” and even watched a YouTube video on proper makeup to look younger than 80. Skype essentially makes you look like death and brings out chins you didn’t know existed. Same thing for when you turn your camera phone around and your like “Jesus!” I was not going to be another casualty tonight.
“Do I have to wear pants?” Was my husband’s first question. Ironically, just 5 hours before this I joked with co-workers that he would try to not wear pants.
I ignored his question and told him “she said no logo shirts.”
He looked down at his shirt and exclaimed, “this isn’t a logo shirt. It’s a college football sweatshirt.”
“It has words on it,” I said then decided to negotiate given that I would position the camera so it was only waist up. “You can wear your shorts but you have to wear a polo, ok?”
“Fine!” He said, like a bratty child.
After applying my makeup, I started to question the amount thinking I looked more like a horrorish clown. My husband looked at me funny.
“Dear God! I can see your makeup from over here!” He said, laying on the sofa.
“It looks like a lot now but it will actually just make me look alive,” I said. After testing Skype, I was relieved to find the extra makeup was needed.
I positioned 2 bar stools behind our 2 dinner chairs. I raised my laptop up by about 10″ on the table as I read this helps you look better. This would be futile as apparently I didn’t have all of us in the lens. I was quickly set straight by the Producer.
The Producer interviewing us was Easton. Such an LA name, right? When her Skype profile popped up, my husband about fell off his chair. She had long, brunette hair, tan, and posing like a model. She was beautiful.
“Weeellllll, look who just perked up,” I said, knowing he was attracted to her.
I think we did really well. The boys were goofy and charming. My husband did well too with the exception of being long winded occasionally. At one point, Easton cut him off and said
“Now A, tell me what you do at your job.”
My husband had a funny line that made me laugh. He said, “Her father owned an Italian restaurant. I thought I was getting an Italian that could cook. Like a push up bra, that was complete false advertisement!”
After the boys left the table, Easton asked me additional questions. She asked for 3 things that are unusual or fun about me. I was at a loss. Here was my Earth shattering list:
- I met Paris Hilton while in the valet parking line. I told her I loved her show. My sister followed behind me saying “yeah, it’s really pretty” thinking I was complimenting her dress. Dork!
- I can sew- dresses, drapes, pillows, anything!
- I have an anonymous blog.
So what’s next? Easton needs additional pics of my family and friends. She needs pics of my kitchen and the outside of my home. I have a small cookie cutter home and I hope that doesn’t disqualify me. I want to tell her that I have friends that have mini mansions that I know would allow me to cook in their kitchens.
So yeah, I’ll keep you guys updated! Cross your fingers!