If you haven’t read it yet and you want the back story of how I got myself into this debacle, read here: My Call From The Gordon Ramsay Show
So like everything that makes me uncomfortable, I put off returning the phone call of a producer of the Gordon Ramsay show. Last night, my family and I were catching up on Designated Survivor (love btw) when I received a call from Burbank, California. I knew why but family comes first and we were going to finish this episode, damn it!
So today I returned their phone call. I played the voicemail over and over again, trying to understand the producer’s name. I played it for my co-worker too several times. After about 6 plays, we concluded her name was Lisa. It was actually Easton. I explained to Easton that I love her name as that is the name of a shopping center just 20 minutes from my house. I am so awkward.
Easton explained to me that the taping would be just 1 day and at our house. This is kinda a bummer considering I was looking forward to an all expense paid trip to LA but beggars can’t be choosers, right? She sent me additional questions and a link to answer more questions. She also wants to have a 20 minute Skype interview with my family and I.
For your pleasure, below are the additional questions and my responses. Obviously they are honest and after 3 glasses of wine. Enjoy!
Hi Easton,Below are my answers. I answered them honestly and with my personality. I hope I do not offend. My son’s are EXCITED about this opportunity! As for a Skype interview, how about the 27th? One of the few nights we don’t have soccer practice! Would 4:30 PST work for you? I will fill out the online application too.Here are your answers……What are your children’s names/ages? P- he’ll be 12 next week. C-8. Though C may seem young, both are extremely mature and well-behaved.What is the worst dish that you make? I can only pick one? Well let’s see, we have quiche with a graham cracker crust. A pot roast where I forgot to peel off the paper thing that keeps it fresh (???). Meatloaf which I would like to refer to as rare in lieu of raw on the inside. Burnt chicken, dry chicken, dry pot roast and uncooked macaroni and cheese.
What is your favorite dish to make? My favorite dish to make is directing the Chipotle person on how to make my burrito. If I must pick one, it would be putting together a Caesar salad with pre-cooked chicken. It’s my favorite because it is minimal work, healthy and quick.
What are your worst cooking experiences for your family? My worst cooking experiences is spending 2 hours on a meal, following the recipe to a t and the results are on par with prison food. Similarly, the few times I’ve gotten excited about cooking and go to great lengths to make something, I’m met with “this is disgusting” or “this isn’t the right mac and cheese! It’s not orange and from a box!”
Describe your cooking skills: Though I mentioned I occasionally follow recipes, I usually look at recipe directions as more of a suggestion. I am a very impatient person and we are a busy family so when the recipe calls for simmer for 30 minutes, I simmer for 10. If I’m out of an ingredient, I substitute with what looks to be the same thing (soy sauce and A-1 are the same color) and I’ve never once allowed my oven to preheat. If the oven is to be on 350, I’ll jack it up to 400 so it will cook quicker. The result is often times under-cooked food we are stuck microwaving. As a family, we like rare meat but I think that is more of a survival thing at this point, like survival of the fittest- adapt or die. At holidays, I’m given the “safe side” to bring like frozen rolls or orange juice. At Thanksgiving, my sole job my mother-in-law bestows upon me is to babysit the robot mixer to ensure it covers the whole pan. She doesn’t even let me stir on my own! I’m essentially a 7 year old in the kitchen “wanting to help”.
Where did you learn to cook? My father owned an Italian restaurant for 25 years but he never taught me. My mother hated to cook so we would go out to eat every night or eat at the restaurant. She would cook maybe twice a month and it was either chili or stuffed peppers. It wasn’t until I met my mother in law that I learned what I know now. Unfortunately, everything she cooks has one or more of the following base ingredients: cream cheese, sour cream, heavy cream or cheddar cheese. She emails me “easy” recipes all the time (she loves to cook btw) in which I quietly file under trash as I read the directions of the taco kit for Taco Tuesday.
What do your children/husband think of your cooking?I think my husband would say I’ve come a long way but if you gave him a lie detector, he would say I’m a horrible cook. I think this is because he grew up on what I mentioned above as the basis of every recipe. Seeing that I don’t want my family to have the physic of Jabba the Hut, I prefer to incorporate vegetables and fruit. Often times, I also don’t make enough food as I hate leftovers so I make what I think is just enough. My husband looks at the main course and announces, “that’s adorable. What’s for dinner?” My children piss me off to no end in regards to food. My friends will be like, “Oh Brandon just LOVES sushi and fois-whatever.” Meanwhile, C won’t eat a salad because I placed cheddar cheese on said salad and he doesn’t like cheese on a salad because it’s Thursday.Rate yourself as a cook (10 best, 1 worst) and why: I rate myself a 6 because I have come a LONG way. I still have a LONG way to go but my family isn’t eating frozen meals. I also rate myself a 6 because even though my cooking blows, I still try and that has to count for something, right? Despite all the “this is gross” and “you know I don’t like pork” comments, I forge on, knowing that 1 day it’s all going to pay off. Or at least I will become a grumpy-ass senior citizen that they will have to cook for. Karmas a bitch, am I right?So that was my 2nd submission. I’ve now gone through 2 verbal interviews and filled out 2 sets of questions. What do I have to do to prove I suck at cooking? Cook for them? I will but it’s going to be popcorn shrimp and steam in the bag corn.