I need to have a chat with the ladies guys. We’ll get to the main topic in a moment but while on the topic of hair, I have a question. Why do men love a woman’s pubic area Michael Jordon bald? I get you don’t want to look like National Geographic down there but dear God. I would like to formally thank Porn Hub as well as the hub’s predecessors, Skinimax and VCR tapes, for paving the way for yet another grooming habit we need to add to our routine. Ok, I probably should not of said baby anywhere in this paragraph. Let’s move on because I’m cringing, you’re cringing and that’s not what this post is about.
I hate, hate, hate when I see women with blatantly thick, fake eyebrows. There have been times I’m online and there has been a close-up of a woman with huge eyebrows. I let out a “JESUS!” because the brows are wearing her, not the other way around. The only people on Earth that get a pass for extremely large eyebrows is anyone in the Levy family. If one were to remove the Levy eyebrows, that would be on par with removing a finger.
The State of My Eyebrows
While I’m not technically albino, I jokingly announce to anyone and everyone that I am Albino. Along with my vampire-like skin, my hair is blonde and this includes my eyebrows. The icing on the cake are my eyebrows have always been sparse. I took for granted in my twenties when I had to do some major plucking. Over the years, I’ve been plucking less and less.
I looked into microblading but worried I would get the one tech who comes over hung over and completely jacks up my face. I’ve tried several eye brow cosmetics and the only one that worked, I can no longer find, mainly because I can’t remember the name of it. This is when I read that castor oil works well with hair regrowth so I decided to give it a shot.
For the past 6 months, I’ve religiously applied castor oil to my brows and I must say, it’s helped. The bald spot that was at the inner ⅔ of my eyebrow has filled in and I’ve found myself plucking hairs between my brows again. Thanks to the castor oil, I’m seeing hairs grow in places that right now are wayward but against my urge, I’m not plucking it with the hopes more will grow.
But being an ass hole, I just couldn’t leave my brows alone and enjoy the small win with castor oil. Nope, I had to take what was a success and flush it down the toilet with my next move. In my mind, I was simply following the progression of my eyebrow journey and naturally, this was the next step.
Mapping My Eyebrows
I decided to map my eyebrows. After 3 YouTube videos, I found myself in front of the mirror with an eye pencil and scissors, noting where my eyebrows should start and where they should end. This is what they call mapping your eyebrows.
Based on the YouTube tutorial, I found that my eyebrows started in a pretty good place. But where my eyebrows ended was a different story. Though sparse, they ended far past my eyes. I had felt for a long time this had been a problem but having very little eyebrows, it felt wrong removing the little I had.
According to the YouTube Makeup Goddesses, this is how you decide where your eyebrow needs to end. Your eye pencil begins by your nostril, should line up with the outer part of your eye, and there should be no brow hair past the eye pencil. I wanted to be conservative the first time around so I barely cut anything. I should have stopped there and been done but I was confident my brow had untapped potential.
Like a moron, I repeated the exercise only this time, I moved the pencil over a little too far to the right. I took the pencil down and immediately regretted all of it. As an attempt to convince myself I had done good, I lined the pencil up a third time. I had not done good. In fact, my brow looked like the results of a hung over brow tech. I was the hung over eyebrow tech.
‘It’s not so bad,’ I thought, ‘I’ll see if my husband notices.’
Asking your husband if he notices anything different is on par with asking your grandmother at the age of 9 if you’re beautiful. He isn’t going to notice and grandma thinks your beautiful, even during those awkward years. Subconsciously I was looking for validation that it wasn’t as bad as it was and going to your husband guaranteed the right answer.
I styled my hair so the way it fell, it covered the new bald spot, I walked into the living room and flipped on the brightest light. He was sitting on the sofa, scrolling through Tik Tok.
“Ok, I need you to tell me what’s different on my face.”
“Oh boy,” he said, intimidated by the challenge.
“No, there is no right or wrong answer. You won’t get in trouble,” I said, taking a seat on the ottoman in front of him.
He gazed at my face with a blank look. I could tell I had won.
Finally he said, “there’s a line by your mouth.”
“Wait, what? A line? NO!” I said with a hint of frustration.
“You said there wasn’t any wrong answers!” He protested.
He was right but I never anticipated him calling out another face issue.
“I know but that’s not it, look again.”
After a few more seconds he gave up and that’s when I told him what I had done. His face then squished up like he had just sucked a lemon, finally understanding the difference on my face.
“Oh yeah, I do see it. Oh…”
Annoyed, I cut him off. “It’s going to grow back. I didn’t pluck it, I just cut it. My hair will cover it until then,” I said getting up, visibly annoyed.
So I’m back to square one with my eyebrows, again hiding a bald spot, hoping it will grow back.
Do you think a procedure exists that takes hair from the pubic region, relaxes it then implant it into the brow area? I know, gross idea.
Update: I’m pleased to say that between the castor oil, vitamins and the occasional melt down, my brow is slowly growing back. At least enough for the makeup to attach to the 2 hairs that have grown back.