Eyebrows Elude Me

eyebrows elude me

Ok gentlemen, I need to talk to my ladies today about something super girly and I’m super sorry. Tomorrow we will talk about farts and beer. Is that a deal? Ok. Ladies, what’s with the eyebrow movement?  I’m havin’ a real come to Jesus moment with my eyebrows and I need to talk about it.

The Eyebrow Movement

Ok, this isn’t like a “Me Too” movement or anything but I feel like eyebrows have become more important over the past few years. Up until maybe a year ago, I never added anything to my eyebrows, then I realized they were looking pretty anorexic and had to do something.

But I’m scared to do something and I’ll tell you why. Have you ever not seen someone for a few years then you see them and this is what plays out in your head:


surprised eugene levy GIF by Schitt's CreekI’m not kidding you, those 3 words have played out in my head twice upon seeing 2 different people. Gone are the days of the natural eyebrows as now they resemble something like Eugene Levy’s eyebrows. Which I’m not dissing Eugene Levy because I am one of the biggest fans of Schitt’s Creek. I’m just saying how the hell do you put your eyebrows on as thick as that and think ‘everyone’s going to totally buy this.’ Not happening Karen; we just saw you last week at the DQ.

My Eyebrow Arsenal

3 YouTube videos and 2 blog posts later, I took the plunge and bought a few recommended tools from Ulta Beauty. Since the purchase, I feel like my eyebrows have gone from a zero dress size to maybe a size four? I don’t know but I pray to the sweet baby Jesus that I don’t have Eugene Levy eyebrows. I still think mine look too thin but again, I don’t want people to be like, “Holy eyebrow Batman!” That’s what I don’t want.

Another thing I want and can’t figure out how to get without looking super fake is an arch. Like my feet, my eyebrows have 0 arch. Perhaps that should be studied by scientists? Maybe the arch of the foot and eyebrow go hand in hand? Hmmm, I may be on to something.

Look, I know this could possibly be the dumbest, most superficial post I’ve ever written but I need to know if others struggle with eyebrows. Like, can we call this eyebrow dysfunction? You know, take a little blue pill and suddenly our eyebrows grow and stay grown for like 4 hours? But if they’re still grown past 4 hours we need to seek medical help immediately? I’d be down with that.

Ladies, do you suffer from eyebrow dysfunction? Stopping being ashamed ladies. It’s a problem we all need to talk about!




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