An Open Letter to the School Board,
On behalf of all parents, I would like to have an open and honest conversation with you on the children going back to school in the Fall. We fully understand there is a lot of uncertainty about what the right thing to do is. Many experts claim that not going back to school causes more harm than good to children. I would also like to make the argument that it’s detrimental for the parents as well.
In the Spring, local grocery stores operated with very little product. There were days I was using a brand of syrup I’ve never used or my sons were drinking lemonade Capri Sun as opposed to their typical grape. I know, first world problems. But there were two items completely bare for an extended period of time: toilet paper and wine.
Were people drinking wine on the toilet? Maybe.
For the first time in my life, I considered day drinking, especially the last week of school. That week, my son managed to cram 6-weeks of work into just 5 days. We did dioramas, videos and I helped him prepare for make-up tests that he was never sick for. One day, he was supposed to be reading a chapter his teacher had assigned but instead, chose to text someone. As I stared at him giggling at his phone, I looked back at my mounting emails and felt somewhat broken inside. I was putting in a solid 8 hours of office work while being the most useless instructor on Earth.
I had visions of secretly pouring wine into my metal water bottle. No one would ever know. Vowing that this pandemic wouldn’t turn me into an alcoholic, I decided to go down to the basement and scream into a pillow instead.
We are Making These Kids Dumber
See, I don’t even know if that header is proper English. I’m not qualified to teach in any way, shape, or form. I once gifted a teacher a glass that said the following: Sorry if my child is the reason you drink! I get it!
These kids are dumber because of us. This would be like asking someone from 1923 to open up a laptop and to find Google. These kids have questions that I don’t know how to answer and most parents don’t either. I don’t know how to measure with anything other than inches or feet. I haven’t added, divided or multiplied fractions in probably 25 years. I didn’t Goodwill Hunt my way out of the situation. I’d say it was more of a Forest Gump with Google scenario.
Teachers Will Benefit This School Year
If there ever was a time that teachers are appreciated, this is the year. Normally when it’s teacher appreciation week, I handle it the same way I handle volunteer requests for the classroom, by deleting the email.
This year? We will be consulting with Oprah for teachers’ gifts. A new car? An all-expense-paid trip? Nothing is too extravagant enough for what they deal with, every day. And I had just one child to teach, one! And he almost failed! Twenty students? That’s on par with walking on glass or a colonoscopy.
Gentle Board Members, I plead with you in this letter, let the children go back to school. I don’t care if you have to make little plexiglass cubicles around every desk. Hell, I’ll supply the plexiglass. Please take them back! As a group, we will never think or say that we can do a better job again. We can’t and this Spring has taught us that.