Pimpin’ in Florida Next Week

Pimpin' in Florida

Folks, I’m goin’ to Florida next Wednesday! Sure, I’m going to a county that has about the same amount of Coronavirus cases as our second-highest county in Ohio but tomatoes-tomatos. Right? Or something like that. Anyway, the point is, I need, nay, we need a vacation, like yesterday.

I talked about looking for a vacation house in Florida a few weeks ago. I even wrote about it, lovingly entitled the post If the Golden Girls and the Tiger King Collaborated, because that’s what most of the interior decoration looks like. There’s a huge amount of faux tiger skin, faux ivy and pastel sofas everywhere. It got to the point where the minute I saw a maroon color living room or a duvet circa 1991, I swiped left.

Dream Vacation Home

Then I found it, a vacation home on VRBO that left me Googling how much can I get for donating plasma. I began to add up how many masks I would have to sell to pay for the house. Would you like to see what I was willing to donate plasma for? With the blessing of the owner, he’s ok with me posting pics of this amazing house.

living room

Great room

Our bedroom


Our Bathroom (essentially the same square footage of our bedroom and bathroom at home)

the shower

In case we want to host a party in the shower…

One of 4 bedrooms

One of the 4 bedrooms

infinity pool

I’ve never been to an infinity pool before!

hot tub

I’m sure we can change out the Corona with wine. Perhaps the owner has a sense of humor with the drink de choix…


The lanai (I feel like such a Golden Girl saying that)

lanai and pool

I’m never leaving!

My first time in a beach house? It was with my in-laws in Hilton Head. I wasn’t 11, I was twenty-something. Do you know where Chris and I slept? We slept on an air mattress…all week….in a bathroom….my in-laws’ bathroom. So again, if anyone bitches about the accommodations, my rule of no food in the bedrooms (we’re not losing that $500 deposit), sitting on sofas with wet trunks or generally leaving shit all over the place, I will lose my mind!

And if you guys want to check out more pictures of the home or need a vacation in a non-Tiger King type of house, here is the link to the actual home. Tell them Hot Mess sent you! šŸ˜‰

P.S. Are you guys vacationing anywhere or still not ready? If you are, I’d love to read in the comments where you are going!


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