Family · Holiday · Kids · Parenting

Father’s Day Gift Ideas For Crappy Fathers

Allow me to be clear, my father was not a dead beat dad. He worked 70 hours a week. This post is for all the people with shitty-ass fathers or meh dads where getting them a Father’s day gift is about as high on your list as having your tonsils removed.

So gentle readers, I’ve done you a solid and scoured the web for the worst of the worst Father’s day gifts. And if dad actually shows up on Father’s day, you can present them with the below lovely gifts and watch them cringe in horror. Let’s get started.

The Foodie – $9.99

unicorn meatGot a dad that never cooked for you? Did he barely put food on the table because watching tv was more important? Reciprocate by giving him a can of unicorn meat. At $9.99, you aren’t spending any more than he spent on your birthday.

 

 

 

 

 

The Chocolatier – $5.99

fake poopFor the dad who never took you trick or treating, why not repay the favor. Give him what he thinks is a box of chocolates, only to discover it’s a big ole’ box of turd. Because after all, it was mama who always said life was like a box of chocolates.

 

 

 

 

 

The History Buff – $24.99

paternity kitCan’t believe your mother procreated with this loser? Why not put it to the test with an affordable paternity test. That way, you have a glimmer of hope this slacker is not related to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Give the Gift of Words – $6.66

hate mailThis is my personal favorite and can be used in so many situations. At Handwrittenhatemail.com, you write out a “special” message to your dad, send it to handwrittenhatemail.com then they will transcribe the letter in crayon. The difference is they make it more polite and send it anonymously to your dad. It’s worth just going to the site and reading how it works because it’s so damn funny!

 

 

 

Mr. Potato Head – $39.95- $299.95

I’m not shitting you, there is a potato of the month club. Let me pose this question. How would you feel if someone paid and enrolled you in a potato of the month club?

Like you don’t matter?

Yeah, that’s how I felt, running that scenario through my head too.

And there are actual reviews of the potatoes. This one caught my eye and I had to share with all of you:

potato of the month

I’m sorry but if my boss gets me potatoes for Christmas, I would immediately get the hint that I suck. As a dead beat dad, if your kid(s) enroll you in the potato of the month club, you obviously have sucked as a father.

So that’s all for now! I hope I helped you! To my husband, father, father-in-law and all the great dads out there:

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!

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13 thoughts on “Father’s Day Gift Ideas For Crappy Fathers

  1. Oh. My. God! I would actually do the potato one for real with my dad and he’s the best dad in all existence (to me). But that hatemail one?! I love it so so so much!

    1. Ok, I have to understand why your dad would love the potato of the month club. Is he a potato farmer? A lover of carbs? And are you super, super, sure he would like this? I have so many questions. I’m not being sarcastic, I want to know. Damn it! I may have to remove potato of the month as a crappy gift! Also, I’m thinking about who I could send hate mail to. What’s better? They send it on notebook paper in addition to a crayon being the writing utensil of choice.

      1. I just think he would find it hilarious! A few years ago, I got him a cheese of the month club for a few months. But he used to work in the dairy industry and loves cheese. Every month I’d get a lecture on where each cheese was made and why it was special to that area and blah blah blah. The potatoes would just be funny haha.

        And I am going to use that website the next time I need to send hate mail haha It’s so great

        1. It’s soooo great! I almost shouldn’t have posted that b/c if anyone reads my blog and I send them hate mail, they’ll suspect me.

  2. Since I won’t see my dad on Father’s Day this year, I already gave him his gift. He wears baseball hats all the time, so I got him one that says “dad mows best.” I told him it is his official mowing hat of course! 😀 We’re simple creatures, me and my dad, so he loved it.

    1. That’s adorable! I’ve never heard of “dad mows best”! How cute. I hope he has an amazing Father’s day and gets a chance to kick his feet up and do nothing!

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