I recently wrote a post showcasing thoughtful, affordable, Mother’s day gifts. These are things I’d buy myself in a heartbeat or any other mom that was worthy. Then I got to thinking, we really need gift ideas for crappy moms. And not like the good kind of bad, but for like the ones that should have thought twice about having kids.
I did a similar post last year for Father’s Day: Father’s Day Gift Ideas for Crappy Fathers. Though I don’t know how many views you need to consider something going viral, it was officially the biggest day I had in the 3 years of blogging. Apparently, there’s a lot of crappy dads out there and their children needed ideas.
The Perfume Loving Mom
Because nothing says thoughtful gift than a Body Fantasies lotion and perfume set in Japanese Cherry Blossom picked up from Wal-Mart. For just $16.33, your slacker mom can enjoy smelling like a cheap horror.
I especially love that this company made it a point to add in that it’s valued at $22 but out of the goodness of their heart, they are offering it to you for under $17.
If someone got this for me, I’d be personally insulted. Like, I’d ask them why they don’t love me and what did I do wrong. The only thing one could get out of this is returning it to the Wal-Mart and buying their tampons with the merchandise credit you would receive back.
The OCD Mom
Most moms hate messes. If you have an ass hole mom that is especially OCD, why not surprise her with a mess-making glitter envelope? From the folks at Shipyourenemyglitter.com, this is pretty much all they do. They ship the nightmare that is glitter to your shitty mom.
I knew this sweatshirt made it to the gift guide when I saw that word was on the front. I absolutely hate that word and I’d hate seeing everyone cringe as they read it. Am I the only person that hates that word? Well anyway, get it for the mom that thinks everyone adores her. Enjoy watching people cringe as they read her sweatshirt!
The Pet Loving Mom
I knew I couldn’t pass this up. It’s a CRAZY CAT LADY ACTION FIGURE SET! It’s like a passive aggressive slap in the face. It even comes with 6 cats! Dead kittens wrapped in wax paper in a fridge, sold separately. Just kidding, I made that one up.
This is perfect for the crappy mom who’s just 1 cat away from the title. She’s neglected her children and spouse, for years, all in the name of Felix getting more cuddle time.
For Any Jerk Mother
Get her something that’s not only the most impersonal thing to get another woman but stinks like farts after 1 hour! An apple pie scented candle! Yes, it’s true! After 1 hour, the intoxicating aroma of mom’s apple pie morphs into the disgusting smells of ass and fart.
It’s also important to note that this company offers another wonderful service! You can literally ship your bad mom nothing! It’s just an empty box of nothingness, like the support she gave you growing up. If you want to get really feisty, select their option where they place several boxes into other boxes (like nesting dolls) only to come up empty-handed. I would reserve this gift for selfish, self-absorbed moms.
For the Nastiest of all Moms
I’ve saved the worst for last. I almost feel guilty promoting this. This is for all the Joan Crawford’s of the world’s who doesn’t have an ounce of compassion or love in their souls. This unassuming box looks well-made. The carton it comes in innocently reads BRINGING FUN AND FAMILY TOGETHER. But when you open it, a life-like spider hops out. I would lose my shit!
Ok, so I am really loving these sarcastic gift guides! They’re pretty fun to do! What did you think? Anyone in need of the above? I’m totally gonna have to do more of these! If you ever come across an amazing gift that would be perfect for an ass hole, please let me know!
P.S. Plan on a Father’s Day Gift Ideas for Crappy Fathers Part 2, at the beginning of June! Can’t wait!!