How Do My Children Eat So Much?

children eat so much

As I type this my 8-year-old is working on snack #1. He’ll probably end up tapping out at around 4 snacks this evening. My oldest, the 12-year-old, isn’t even done with his dinners yet. Despite a steak dinner at 6:30, he’ll probably have dinner #2 then begin his parade of snacks, stopping around midnight.

Like me, my children get excited over food. I’m not above talking to my food, calling it lover or sexy, knowing I’m going to ravish the shit out of it. C was excited over his snack this evening and began to dance and shake his popcorn. He then demanded I record it. BTW, he hasn’t worn a shirt in over 24 hours. We are going for a Lord of the Flys look.

Every night, I picture the old school drive-in theater advertisement of the little concession treats marching right into my kitchen. Dancing there little chocolate asses happily into my sons’ mouths.

Let's all go to the lobby

Sleep Over Fare

When C had a sleep over last night, here is what 1 8-year-old and a 9-year-old ate between 8PM and 12AM:

  • fruit roll ups
  • 2 rice krispie treats
  • 1 string cheese
  • 5 capri suns
  • God only knows how many Chips of Hoy cookies
  • 1 Gatorade
  • 2 Hershey bars
  • Goldfish
  • Dorito chips

Grocery Store Confessions

Today I made it out of the grocery store spending just $200. I was proud as usually the bill is never less than $220. I play a game when I check out at the grocery store and it’s called: LET’S SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE I CAN TURN AWAY. People see the conveyor belt of food that I’m surely purchasing for an orphanage, get annoyed, huff and search for an empty lane. Good luck friend!

Do you want to see my cart? I took this last year as I laughed in line. I wanted people to understand what I can barely push through the aisles as my basket literally curves on the top.

My weekly grocery cartAnd when the 8-year-old goes shopping with me, rest assured he will tack on at least $20-$40 more than I would have bought.

“Can we get Goldfish?”

“P wants the Quick chocolate milk.”

“Mommy, can I have a Porter House steak?”

This is on top of his 1-3 bathroom trips. He discovers he has to go to the bathroom when we are in the back of the store and the restrooms are in the front. Additionally, I’m also asked when we can get the free cookie. Our store gives kids a free cookie at the bakery. As I watch the hairnet clad, moley woman hand a cookie to P, I longingly stare at it while willing her with my mind to offer me one. This has had the success rate of .05%.

Should we ever have to ration food, say during the apocalypse, my guess is we will probably end up killing each other due to hanger. Or eating the Chihuahua.




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