I don’t like to post about my day too often because I know you guys don’t give 2 shits about it and I’m ok with that. I had various health revelations today I’d like to share.
I went to bed at 3 am last night because I couldn’t sleep. No idea why. I had a doctor’s appointment set for 9 am about 30 minutes away. At 8:40 I awake to discover I overslept and my hair looked as if Carrot Top mated with a wig. Fortunately during my insomnia, I took my shower so I threw on my clothes and was out the door by 8:50. Truly a record.
Fortunately my amazing doctor still took me even though I was 10 minutes late. We discussed my meds and something I should have inquired about a year or so ago- foot cramping. I get fall down on the floor foot cramping in my right foot. I attributed it to years of stiletto wearing and have only recently dropped my stiletto wearing to about once a week. Take a look at this 45 second video. This is exactly what happens to me and I have no idea on earth why this chick is laughing. Maybe it’s because her room is an absolute disaster?
Back at the doctor’s….
“We’re gonna need to draw some blood,” Dr. E. said while wrinkling her nose to show she understood I hated this. “Let’s see when the last time you had blood work.” She types a few things on her computer and begins to laugh.
“1985?” I asked sarcastically.
“2014….” She answered.
I was overly pleased with myself as I seriously thought she was going to say 2008.
“Wow! That’s really good!” I said excited.
“Only you! Only you would think 3 years of not having blood work is good!” She belted out. I wish you could make your doctor your friend without being creepy because I absolutely love her! Best doctor on Earth.
“So how many vials?” I asked, suddenly sobering up from the conversation.
“4. Is that ok?” She asked, like I could pick the number of vials that would be taken today.
‘Yeah, I guess. I just don’t understand how I can give birth twice and freak out over blood being drawn!”
A quick hug and I was out the door to the lab just down the hall. My tech was nice except when she surprised me with the news that it wouldn’t be 4 vials of blood. It would be 6. Awesome.
I returned to work just before lunch and went about my day. A few hours later I checked my e-mail to find the test results were already back. They don’t mess around! I think she tested for every disease in the book including ancestry, when I lost my virginity and what time I go to bed at night. After the first test result came back with a list of measurements, it was followed by about 9 other lists of tests. Everything came out normal except the 2 lines below that say H for high:
Mean Cell Volume? Mean Cell HGB? What’s that all about? Does that mean I’m too mean? I didn’t think I was. I called my co-worker over to look at the results as I’m an open book.
“I’ll research this for you and let you know,” She said. I had a meeting with my boss so I was grateful for her offer.
When I came back to my desk, the print out of the test results were on my keyboard along with a blue post-it note that read:
YOUR EITHER B12 DEFICIENT OR AN ALCOHOLIC!
This made me laugh. My office takes laid back to a whole new level and we all had a good chuckle when I read it out loud for everyone.
I’m still waiting for my doctor to give me an overview of what I need to do. In the meantime I purchased B12 vitamins that smell like dog food (my son’s words, not mine) and gummy multi-vitamins that smell like fruity farts.
To your health hot messes!!!