Hot Mess Goes to Buc-ee’s


If you live North of Tennesse or West of Texas and never heard of Buc-ee’s, I hadn’t either until recently. A few months ago, I watched one of my favorite YouTube channels, Nate & Kara and they visited a Buc-ee’s location. Buc-ee’s is like if a threesome happened between Walmart, a 7-Eleven and a gas station. It ended in an accidental pregnancy that they named Buc-ee’s. I just realized I did not offer Buc-ee’s in the best light but that’s how my brain works so let’s roll with it.

“Let’s stop at Buc-ee’s,” my sister suggested in the first hour of our 9-hour journey to drop my son off at college in South Carolina. She and her boyfriend were kind enough to join me on this long trip so I wouldn’t be alone, dropping him off.

“Oh my gosh yes! I watched some Youtubers on it and it looks so cool,” I responded with too much zeal for what I had just described in the last paragraph. We decided we would stop off on our way back to Ohio in 3 days.

Buc-ee’s Pays How Much?

As we walked up to the entrance, we noticed a sign listing all the open positions and the potential salary.

“$125,000 for an assistant manager?” I read in shock. For a moment I questioned whether I’d be on board working evenings and weekends for that sort of pay. Store managers were paid $250,000! Being that this was South Carolina, I could live like a Saudi princess, or at the very least, buy a Tesla.

First Impressions of Buc-ee’s

buc-ee's 1Have you ever drank a beverage that had more caffeine than your body was expecting? Like everything around you is happening in overdrive? This is what it’s like to walk into a Buc-ee’s. Buc-ee’s makes Black Friday look like a bake sale at the local retirement home. It was a sea of people walking around as if they had never gone to a store in their life. Like it was their first time experiencing the art of shopping.

We started our journey in the check-out area. To our right was an area for Buc-ee-branded dog toys. Beyond that was a children’s toy area. They even had Buc-ee branded bikinis. If they had a sense of humor, they would have put the buck tooth beaver icon not on the side of the bikini bottom, but right where your beaver is but then again, I’m not head of marketing. In the middle of the store were more cash registers and a gigantic food station, pumping out enough food to feed a large college campus. I saw one dude actually slicing what looked to be brisket. Then there was the reason why most people stop at places like this, potty breaks.

The World’s Longest Bathroom Line

‘That cannot be the line for the restroom,’ I told myself, trying to make sense of where the line actually started. The line jetted out past the food station and snaked around not one, but 2 long aisles! Airport security lines are smaller than this mess. I began weighing how far I could go without my bladder exploding.

“Maybe it goes fast,” I told my sister as she looked at the line like the 8th wonder of the world. After remembering we were not only in the hollow (is that a thing?) but that West Virginia is a real bitch to drive through, I decided to take one for the team (bladder) and grab my spot in line. I mean after all, their bathrooms have won awards for how clean they are.

Surprisingly, the line went fast, like freaky fast. Upon entrance to the women’s restroom, I was blown away by the efficiency. Was this bathroom operated by an affiliate of  Chick-fil-A? Upon entrance to this ultra-exclusive club that is the Buc-ee’s women’s restroom, there were not one, not two but three attendants! One woman (we’ll call  her the hostess) checked to see how many were in your party and then directed you to one of the 20+ stalls (which by the way were the nice stalls, floor to ceiling walls between each one). The other two attendants pushed a cart and continuously cleaned and checked all the stalls. Despite the traffic these facilities must see every day, this was one of the cleanest restrooms I’ve ever encountered.

Final Thoughts on Buc-ee’s

buc-ee'sBuc-ee’s was like nothing we had ever experienced. My sister commented that everyone shopping seemed so happy. For me, I probably looked dazed, confused and overwhelmed. My sister’s boyfriend had the same affinity for Buc-ee’s as I have for a colonoscopy. Having been permanently scarred by the entire experience, he just kept asking no one in particular, “what’s the allure of that place?”

“Well, why did we come?” I challenged. “These people were probably curious, just like us.”

He was right though. My sister and I tried really hard to have a valid reason as to why Buc-ee’s had some inexplicable draw and came up empty-handed. But between us, my sister and I will probably go to the one that is opening in Ohio, just to see if we can find that Buc-ee’s magic! Have you ever been to a Buc-ee’s? What did you think? Comment down below!



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