For those of you that didn’t know, I took a DNA test at Christmas in 2017 via Ancestry.com. Six weeks later, I was so shocked by the results I wrote the following post: Are there blondes in Syria. My DNA results were absolutely shocking. Here were my results:
Ancestry Results January 2018
Ancestry Results June 2019
I receive an email earlier this summer explaining that though my DNA doesn’t change, the technology does and I had updated results. Ok, fair enough. I thought I’d even celebrate my heritage on July 4th by making the following shirt. It details out exactly how I’m broken up:
Ancestry Results October 2019
Then I get ANOTHER email:
At no cost me? Oh gee, thanks Ancestry for not charging me for you being WRONG! People don’t get DNA tests, thinking that it sorta, maybe, might be, right. And God help us if these ass holes go into the paternity testing business.
Jerry, you sorta, maybe, might be the father. But we’ll update you like every 6 months on the likelihood. Until then, just keep paying child support.
So what are my results now? Take a look:
Like I don’t care if it says I’m 100% alien, I’m just tired of it switching. What if I saved up all my money to do one of those heritage trips and visited the middle east, only to discover I’m not even middle eastern? Do you catch my drift here?
I sent a general inquiry to Ancestry.com and received a wonderfully generic response back. I then argued with the following: