Health · Holiday · Super Hot Mess

Everything Breaks and Goes Wrong At Christmas

Is it just me or does every fuckin’ think go wrong or break at Christmas? Perhaps you’re a lucky one and December leaves you with nothing but promotions and a new Lexus with a red bow atop (which I don’t think those ass holes really exist). No, I’m confident it’s not just me. It just can’t be. Perhaps this is how God tests our patients.

In my early twenties, I had a beautiful black mustang that I couldn’t afford. On Thanksgiving I woke up to find it had been repossessed since I hadn’t paid on it. Ok, perhaps that was my own doing but still. They couldn’t have waited till after Christmas?

About 4 year ago, I had a dream job that I absolutely loved. 6 weeks before Christmas and after almost 2 years of employment, I was let go because I wasn’t “a good fit”. My doosh-ass boss’s reasoning for not waiting till after Christmas? He’d feel really “bad” seeing me each day and knowing what was coming. Well then, we can’t have you felling “bad”.

This Week

Just this past week, my coffee maker of 1.5 years decided, “peace out bitch, I’m done workin’ for you” and died. I wrote about it here. I will say that was 1 super good thing that happened from the coffee machine fiasco is Mr. Coffee responded to my post via Facebook and is sending me a new coffee machine! Ok, that was a super good piece of news.

Before coffeegate, a bill from years ago (that I’ve avoided like the plague) caught up with me last week. The collection agency subpoenaed my bank account in an attempt to garnish my account. Essentially, they could take whatever they wanted till the $1,200 was paid off. I consulted a lawyer and was told to call them. The anxiety was overwhelming to the point it has affected my health. Remember when my period was an ass hole and my doctor fooled me into thinking I was pregnant? I was confident that was directly related to this anxiety.

And It’s Not Just Me

It’s like many of us were born above an ancient Indian burial ground. Take my friend for instance. Not only did both of her kids catch lice from their daycare but just days later, some jack ass punched a hole in her mini van, stole her purse then proceeded to buy over $2k in gift cards at the grocery store. There’s a video of the dumb fuck using her card. Mr. Fubu, if you are going to use someone’s stolen credit card and buy $2k worth of gift cards, maybe put on a pair of khakis and not your finest sweat pant. Oh, and maybe spread out your purchases to 5 different stores as opposed to just 1 store.

I just don’t understand why it all happens at Christmas. No, actually I do kinda understand. It drives home my saying that if irony had a job, it would be a comedian. All of this is ironic. Why doesn’t this shit happen in February when nothing’s really going on? Why not August?

I guess I just wrote this to show you guys that you’re not the only ones dealing with shitty issues. I have shitty issues and even the most “perfect” person bragging about their best live on Facebook at this time, they’re usually the worst off.

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16 thoughts on “Everything Breaks and Goes Wrong At Christmas

    1. Hey T, I’m sorry you’ve had a rough week. I’m going to be crossing my fingers that you have the best week ever this week! You will find Prince Charming, receive an inheritance from Daddy Warbucks and lastly, get the wig you’ve been wanting! Sending good thoughts your way!

  1. Ah, shit happens every month, but in December we’re all dreaming of a fairy-tale induced holiday, which never happens. As for things breaking, we got the keys to our newly built home on November 7 and have had 5 tradesmen out to fix shit. The interior garage door FELL OFF! Really? Not as bad as the repossessed car, I’ll give you that, but it pissed me off. Hope your days get better! The month is only half over.

    1. Wait…stop right there Deanna. How the hell does a garage door fall off….on a new build? Were the contractors ferrets? Toddlers? Yes, toddlers must have hung the door. I cannot believe you’ve had 5 tradesmen out. I am so sorry. And you know, here’s the thing. I’m not even asking for a fairy tale holiday. Here’s what I want: A. No life-changing crisises (spelling? No idea on plural crisis) during the holidays. B. Just enough money where I’m not robbin’ Peter to pay Paul. C. All appliances over $20 to wait to break till January. That’s all I’m asking for.

  2. Ok, calm down and have a hot dog. 😬
    Your boss was – and likely still IS, barring any sudden death – an ass. Total jerk. And not terribly good at his job if he took 2 years to figure out you weren’t a “good fit”. What a D.
    But I’m totally jealous that you’re getting a new coffee maker! I had a similar experience with a pepper mill…except it never came! I hope you have better luck than I did. And then invite me over for a cup of joe!

    1. You know, I never really understood how unfair the firing was b/c I “wasn’t a good fit” till my friend said the exact same thing to me. That it took them almost 2 years to figure out I wasn’t a good fit. To this day, I can’t figure out why I was let go. It had nothing to do with not being a good fit. I got along with everyone, worked hard, sales were up double digits. The only thing I can think of is 2 weeks before firing, I let the new HR lady know about the entire marketing and IT department drinking on lunches and the company has a 0 tolerance with that. So, it was either me or 2 departments to be let go. Other than that, no clue.

      1. Oh, now that’s just shady. But I wouldn’t doubt for a second that there was plenty of time and effort put into making it *not* look like that was the actual reason.
        Sounds like you’re somewhere better now!

  3. I guess it just feels even more crappy so close to Christmas. A lot of redundancies happen this time of year because of the consultation period time it’s crap! I hope the rest of this year improves for you! Good news on the coffee maker though!!

    1. Thanks Rachael! Though the holidays are to be an enjoyable time of year, they are really anxiety and stress filled. Unless your loaded, your trying to figure out how to afford enough gifts so your kids aren’t disappointed. Then on top of that, shit breaks and I’m not talking the pencil sharpener. I am super happy about the coffee maker though. That’s pretty damn cool!

  4. Take a deep breath and smile you are a gorgeous person having a bit of shit. No one is out to get you, your kids will love you If you give them an I o u. Because they know you, they love you and that will take over once its thought about. My Dad used to say “Shit happens so you recognise the good stuff.” My Dads words are all I have left to hold on to he was a wise man. It is only a day, if it catches up with you today it means you won’t have to deal with it later. The coffee machine was a great one, well done for that. If it were you or I making the decision to do something before xmas or after … would we really be doing any favours pretending until the 28th? No we would still have to do it. If everything happens for a reason you must have some fantastic stuff coming your way. Merry Christmas but mostly don’t miss the wonders coming your way in 2019, have a great new year.

  5. It’s the weirdest thing but even over here lay offs happen mostly at Christmas and I’m not sure why. As for the rest of it, things break anyways, but you’re likely to need more coffee at Christmas and as the the credit card thief – Christmas shopping. Stands to reason the shits of this planet have more reason to steal because they need to make up to the loved ones and friends about how shit they’ve been. So thay have to create more shit to do it.

    1. Why lay offs around Christmas. I’m serious, they should enact a law that says you cannot layoff or fire anyone between November to December unless theft, harrassment or something horrible happened. Anyone that does that has 0 heart.

  6. That awesome about the new coffee machine! Last year, our first winter in our new house, our heat pump bit the dust a week before Christmas, and we had to shell out $5,000 to replace it. This year, so far so good; fingers crossed it stays that way.

    I too have a friend who is suffering big time this season. Her husband of 10 years (and father of their 3 young children) just announced that he wants a divorce because he’s gay and has been in a relationship with a waiter at the local Olive Garden (who is half his age!) for 3 months!!!

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