First World Problems · Ridiculousness

Mr. Coffee 1, Hot Mess 0

About every Mother’s day (that’s Sunday, May 12th gentlemen. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss calling your mom), Mr. Coffee decides it’s a good time to die. I don’t know what it is around Mother’s day, perhaps he didn’t have a good relationship with his mother? I don’t know.

So to my delight, Mother’s day came and went this year and he still worked. I think it had a lot to do with me actually cleaning it more than I usually would by letting white vinegar brew through 2 cycles, which if you’ve never inhaled steamed white vinegar, it will definitely clear any nasal congestion. Last week, it started to brew less and less espresso so I went through my normal cleaning ritual.

That didn’t work.

Yesterday, I decided to boil water and pour it in:

That didn’t work.

I’ve decided that my relationship with Mr. Coffee is toxic and like a bad relationship, even abusive. I keep thinking if I do things differently, he’ll change. But he doesn’t. Today my oldest found me crouched down on my knees almost in a prayer position pleading,

“Come on coffee, don’t do this to me now. You gotta work.”

Even the slightest new sound from Mr. Coffee would cause me to pause while holding my breath to see those magical drips come out.

But nothing.

This is when the abuse kicks in. I remove the little glass coffee pot so it’s not in therapy for the next 10 years and begin to bang Mr. Coffee on each side like a cave woman. Something has to break up the calcium deposits. When that doesn’t work, I slam it fiercely on the top of the head.

“Mom, stop. You’re addicted.” My son says.

“This doesn’t concern you son,” I say as I turn back to Mr. Coffee.

When I realize the abuse isn’t turning Mr. Coffee into the obedient spouse I commanded him to be a year and a half ago, I decide to use the powers of the mind.

I turn back to my son and throw my finger in the air.

“I’ve got it! It just needs hot water!” I announce.

Mr. CoffeeI run Parker to the bus stop, fly back and boil water in the microwave. I then remove the little brew basket and over my cup, pour the hot water over the basket. A few drips come out. When I get frustrated I pour so much, it overflows. Now I have coffee grounds in my coffee. No matter though, I’m sure I won’t taste them when I pour in the frothy milk. You can see to the left, the mess I’m left with.

I did go on You Tube to try to teach myself how to take Mr. Coffee apart and fix him. But the dude took off like 75 parts and he lost me after the first 8. I would end up electrocuting myself if I did what he did.

So I think I have to face facts that I need a new Mr. Coffee and when I do get a new one, I’m only filling it with filtered water. Then maybe I can get past 2 Mother’s days.

R.I.P Mr. Coffee





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23 thoughts on “Mr. Coffee 1, Hot Mess 0

    1. I have a French press and consider it the heroin of coffee. It’s so strong and I love it! That being said, my coffee was ground too fine for the press b/c trust me, I thought about breaking it out. Perhaps I should keep coffee on hand specifically for the press if I get into a bind. Ya know?!

    1. Wow, when you were like 21/22? What brand is it? That’s amazing! I honestly don’t think it’s Mr. Coffee’s fault but my waters fault. Our water is so hard that I think it just builds up in the coffee maker. It just got to a point where there is too much build up. At least that’s my professional opinion. LOL!

      1. Ummm I think it’s Hamilton Beach or something? I’ve sent a text so maybe he’ll actually reply lol but dang to your hard water! That sucks!! So happy you’re getting a new one though!

      2. Okies he actually replied! Omg! It’s a Black and Decker and he said the heating plate is all rusted out “but it still technically brews coffee” lol it’s a good sign! Maybe I should get him another one for Christmas. I still haven’t got his gift yet and it’s giving me massive anxiety lol I’m usually done shopping by the start of December

        1. OMG! I’ve been so damn broke I’m only 50% done! So for you to get anxiety….ok, I’m getting anxiety too right now.I’m literally going to have to go out an finish all on Saturday. If we were Jewish, would we save money? Asking for a friend….And you know what? I didn’t even know Black and Decker made coffee pots. Perhaps try a Mr. Coffee. It’s my own damn fault for using such hard water!

          1. I’m usually done shopping by the start of December but this year I’ve been pretty broke myself haha each pay I’ve been getting a little bit here and there. I’m going out today go finish up. My brother says he uses a Moka Pot now a lot. Apparently one cup is like 10 espresso shots? I have no idea lol but you have to watch it the whole time it’s brewing so that’s a pain. But I’ve finally settled on getting him some shirts. I have a 50% off from his favourite clothing store so I’m going today haha

            1. You know what shirt line my husband loves and I think I have a discount code if you want it, Have you heard of it? Essentially they are tailored shirts that you don’t have to tuck in. It gives a polished look to an untucked shirt. I’m goign to google Moka Pot. I’ve never heard of it!

              1. Oooo sweet – I’ll send that to my brother! He likes Moore’s clothes for work and I have like a paragraph of instructions for buying them lol!! It’s because he likes what he likes so at least that’s good. I don’t let anyone buy me clothes – just give me a gift card and I’ll pick my own haha

    1. French presses are AMAZING! The first time I used one was in a hotel in Seattle. Leave it to Seattle, Washington to introduce me to the French press. It was in the hotel room. After that, I immediately went out and bought a French press! I just didn’t have the proper coarseness of coffee for the French press that day.

    1. Deanna, when I first read your comment I swear I thought you were about to say you drink 2 coffee pots a day! You’d be sooo wired! I also have a Mr. Coffee Keurig but I’m a creature of habit and need my daily latte. I also found myself grabbin’ coffee at the local gas station but those creamers have sooo many calories and this muffin top isn’t gonna loose it’s self, am I right?!?!

    1. That’s such an English thing to say! LOL!!! No but seriously, I drink tea on occasion but that’s reserved for the afternoon. I absolutely need my latte in the morning. It’s exactly 1 cup of skim milk, 1 tablespoon of vanilla flaoring and espresso dependent on what kind of sleep I got the night before. My day isn’t complete without my latte. When I drink tea it’s Tazo Awake English Breakfast tea.

      1. Of course it’s an English thing to say – I said it lol. SOunds like this latte is something else, I thought it was just coffee and milk but it shows how much I know lol.
        Tazo Awake English Breakfast??? God almighty what a name 😉

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