After a horrible flood a few years back, we are finally remodeling our basement again. Back in July, we bought a sofa from Ikea but it sat in our garage.
My husband and sons hauled it to the basement after the carpet was installed. My husband and my sister’s boyfriend put this monstrosity together:
While I put this f’ing thing together:
Ahem…let me rephrase that. I started it then needed my husband to help me attach everything. While during the attachment process, one section wouldn’t fit into another section. We were perplexed for about a half hour and within that time, here are a few things that came out of my mouth:
- Ikea could be wrong about the directions.
- This is clearly wrong. Ikea put the board on backwards.
- Look, either the directions are drawn wrong or this is built wrong.
I then decided to prove how wrong Ikea was by flipping open the manual and beginning at page one. I would show him that I was not the enemy here but indeed our blue and yellow friends. I swore to him that all Ikea had me doing was screwing in a few bolts, throwing on the slip cover and attaching all the pre-built pieces. But then I flipped to page 3 and looked up at him stupefied.
“Woops….I forgot I did build that,” I said as I pointed to the board I had accused Ikea of putting on backwards. I could tell he wanted to wring my neck.
“I’m sorry….” I said in a sing-song voice.
“Well that’s it, I’m going upstairs to eat before I eat you.” He said getting up.
“Ok, I’ll just be down here fixing my mistakes.”
Later on, in addition to putting the board on backwards, I also installed 4 of these plastic thingys that would hold the armrests on….upside down. Upon realization of this, I just looked at my husband and in a defeated voice said,
“Just go upstairs. I have to flip these upside down. I did it wrong.”
He said nothing and threw down that 1 tool Ikea includes in every box.
In my defense, I would be willing to pay fifty cents more for Swedish meatballs or even a quarter more for the big blue bag if they could just please ADD WORDS! Sometimes the direction pointed to the sofa overall and I wanted to be like,
“What are you pointing to? I’ve used all the holes (that’s what he said). I have no idea what you’re telling me!”
Then they have screws that have almost no discerning characteristics that you somehow are supposed to figure out which is which. Can’t you color code it or put a corresponding number on each one? I mean damn!
You know who needs to write Ikea manuals? Lego. Have you seen their directions? The artwork should be in the Smithsonian. A blind person could figure out these directions they’re that good. But then again, maybe that’s why everything is so cheap at Ikea. Clearly they have toddlers drawing the directions then master craftsmen putting the items together. That’s the only way I can think of those directions making it to the masses.