Customer Service · Family · Ridiculousness

Well, Ikea is Wrong!

After a horrible flood a few years back, we are finally remodeling our basement again. Back in July, we bought a sofa from Ikea but it sat in our garage.

Until now….

My husband and sons hauled it to the basement after the carpet was installed. My husband and my sister’s boyfriend put this monstrosity together:


While I put this f’ing thing together:

ikea sofa

Ahem…let me rephrase that. I started it then needed my husband to help me attach everything. While during the attachment process, one section wouldn’t fit into another section. We were perplexed for about a half hour and within that time, here are a few things that came out of my mouth:

  • Ikea could be wrong about the directions.
  • This is clearly wrong. Ikea put the board on backwards.
  • Look, either the directions are drawn wrong or this is built wrong.

I then decided to prove how wrong Ikea was by flipping open the manual and beginning at page one. I would show him that I was not the enemy here but indeed our blue and yellow friends. I swore to him that all Ikea had me doing was screwing in a few bolts, throwing on the slip cover and attaching all the pre-built pieces. But then I flipped to page 3 and looked up at him stupefied.

“Woops….I forgot I did build that,” I said as I pointed to the board I had accused Ikea of putting on backwards. I could tell he wanted to wring my neck.

“I’m sorry….” I said in a sing-song voice.

“Well that’s it, I’m going upstairs to eat before I eat you.” He said getting up.

“Ok, I’ll just be down here fixing my mistakes.”

Later on, in addition to putting the board on backwards, I also installed 4 of these plastic thingys that would hold the armrests on….upside down. Upon realization of this, I just looked at my husband and in a defeated voice said,

“Just go upstairs. I have to flip these upside down. I did it wrong.”

He said nothing and threw down that 1 tool Ikea includes in every box.

Vague Directions

In my defense, I would be willing to pay fifty cents more for Swedish meatballs or even a quarter more for the big blue bag if they could just please ADD WORDS! Sometimes the direction pointed to the sofa overall and I wanted to be like,

“What are you pointing to? I’ve used all the holes (that’s what he said). I have no idea what you’re telling me!”

Then they have screws that have almost no discerning characteristics that you somehow are supposed to figure out which is which. Can’t you color code it or put a corresponding number on each one? I mean damn!

You know who needs to write Ikea manuals? Lego. Have you seen their directions? The artwork should be in the Smithsonian. A blind person could figure out these directions they’re that good. But then again, maybe that’s why everything is so cheap at Ikea. Clearly they have toddlers drawing the directions then master craftsmen putting the items together. That’s the only way I can think of those directions making it to the masses.




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9 thoughts on “Well, Ikea is Wrong!

  1. There’s certain Ikea pieces that are directly linked with divorces which speaks volumes really. I’m crap at following the instructions so hubby does that and I assist. The instructions are not clear enough though!

    1. No they aren’t. It’s this drawing that’s supposed to be a man but just looks like a blob. Then they point at shit and you’re like, “where the F are you pointing to Ikea?” I mean, I would just add English to all the manuals and let every other person deal with the pics. Ok, that’s maybe a little selfish but come on!

      1. You need the patience of a saint when assembling Ikea furniture and yes words would be super helpful but when they are in so many countries I can see why they don’t – very frustrating though!!

  2. I have avoided ever going to Ikeyah (spelt that way because they only give a key to how to build and not instructions). I have watched a son loose his shit over a side table … A son- in -law who spent two hours building a tv console; the very last drawer would not fit; because of the incorrect put together first piece. So I feel your pain.

    1. Yeah, I was pretty pissed at myself for wasting time, screwing the board on backwards. That probably wouldn’t of happened if they HAD DIRECTIONS!

    1. EXACTLY! The most vague directions ever. Can you imagine if Ikea came out with a pre-fab home? What would those directions look like?! It’d be bad enough to send someone to the psych ward!

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