5 Things I Don’t Understand

Don't understand

I’ve always said, if irony was a person, they would be a comedian. Why? Because irony can be funny. Irony can also be a little bitch. I always think of Alanis Morissette’s line of “10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife,” when I’m going through my plastic cutlery at work and can’t find what I need. After getting my jeans at Old Navy this weekend, I began to think of other things that baffled me and thought I would list them here.

Super Skinny Jean

About those Old Navy jeans…..if I have to go up 2 sizes just to fit into the super skinny jeans, are they super skinny anymore? No, there not. They’re fat-ass jeans now and should be called such. I don’t feel super skinny going up two sizes jut to make them fit.

Juice Cups at Hotels

Ok, stick with me here. Why when you go to chain hotels such as a Hampton Inn or Fairfield Inn, are the cup sizes on par with a doll house set? You get this iddy-biddy Dixie cup that you now have to walk up and fill 5 times just to get the normal amount you’d normally drink at home. I get that we eat more in 2018 versus 1920 but come on, let’s maybe go from a 4 ounce cup to an 8 ounce cup.

Hand-crafted Sandwiches

This always makes me laugh when marketing uses this terminology to make their sandwiches seem fancier. How the hell else will these sandwiches be put together? Foot-crafted sandwiches? Robot-crafted sandwiches? Magically appear sandwiches? It should go without saying how the stupid sandwich is made.

Smoothies

When McDonald’s got smoothies, I was overjoyed. I could finally grab something quick and healthy from them. But then I actually watched how they made the smoothies and I don’t recall seeing any sort of fruit being poured into the blender. Just chemicals, water and ice. And I’ve seen other “smoothie” restaurants do the same thing and I wanna be like, “that’s not a smoothie! That’s a liquid fruit roll-up!”

Women’s Halloween Costumes

Why are women’s costumes so slutty? I’m not looking to go as a nun or Jaba the Hut but come on! I’m currently searching for a Marie Antoinette costume and the results are along the lines of baroque ho’. Can’t we meet in the middle here? This year we’re invited to a costume party so this gives me an excuse to dress up but I’m not going to go at it looking like a street-walker. Do better costume people. In fact, that’s an untapped niche out there. I think I’ll open up a costume shop and call it NOT SLUTTY WOMEN’S HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. It has a certain ring, don’t you think?

So what are the things that confuse you? Leaves you shaking your head?

Share the laughs with friends!

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