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8 Ways to Be a Decent Human Being at the Grocery Store

I grocery shop every week. Sometimes I splurge and use the grocery store service where they shop for me but then everything is wrong, something is forgotten or I can’t pick up groceries till 8 PM at night.

“Sorry boys, I know your used to dinner by 6:30 but try to wait till 9 PM since the groceries aren’t ready. Just pretend your European or something.”

This is on par with telling a starving bear in an aquarium not to touch the specimens.

Every time I go to the grocery store I encounter rude-ass people. The sad thing is, some don’t even know they are being ass holes. They are worse, they are oblivious. Now my readers are smart and I know you guys aren’t the oblivious type, at least that’s what I gather. So this list is meant to be stumbled or shared with people who you know are guilty of at least one of these. In no particular order….

Grocery Store Etiquette

Sunday Stroll

Just because this is your Sunday stroll and you are going the speed of snail doesn’t mean I want to spend 4 hours in the grocery store. If you’re not in a hurry, MOVE OVER. These people walk right in the middle of the aisle slowly with not enough room to get around and if you do speed around them, you look like an impatient ass hole.

15 Items or Less

I noticed that my grocery store changed the wording on these express lines to say “around 15 items”. No, no and no! These lines are meant to be fast yet there is always that person that takes advantage of the “around” verbage and slaps down 25 items. So if it’s “about 15 items”, don’t stroll up with anything more than 19, that’s my limit and should be your’s too.

Stopping in the Middle of the Aisle

We all must stop and assess our options with, let’s say peanut butter. Just like the first item, don’t stop your basket in the middle of the aisle. It may be heavy but roll that thing over!

Eating Unopened Food

Full disclosure, if I’m thirsty I will break into my water bottles and drink one. What I think is tacky is when one breaks open the chips and begins to feast. If you want a snack, there is always a sample at the sushi stand or at the deli but don’t eat unpaid for food. What happens if your card declines? Also, don’t start eating strawberries or berries to “try”. They haven’t been washed yet!

The Screaming Brat

I returned from the grocery store about an hour ago. While there, a mom with 4 children walked around ranging in age from probably 15 to 2. The 2-year-old little girl began to scream bloody murder in the frozen food aisle and wouldn’t quit. Let me tell you, I’ve never had either son pitch a fit like this because there is something called consequences. Obviously there wasn’t any with this kid. I would have asked the older kids to watch the basket while Miss Whiny Pants and I have a chat. I would have taken her outside and calmly told her the following, “if you don’t quit screaming I am going to spank you 3 times, right here, right now. When we get home, you will spend the rest of the evening in your room. Now, do you want the spanking or do you want to stop crying?”

Leaving Shit Anywhere

Just because you changed your mind on the frozen shrimp doesn’t mean  you should lay it next to the apples in produce. Pick it up and walk back to the frozen food aisle. It’s lazy not to.

Too Good to Bag

Every so often the grocery store are short on help. After I get everything on the conveyor belt, I then head over and begin to bag. If anything, I like to bag because then I can put pantry stuff with pantry stuff and frozen with frozen. Occasionally though, I’ll see the ass hole who stand there and waits for the poor clerk to bag everything when it could go much quicker if they helped.

The Undecided Deli Customer Who Orders EVERYTHING!

Oh my God, this might be my biggest annoyance. This person goes into the grocery store as if they’ve never heard of lunch meat. When they approach the deli counter they have the mindset that they are the only customer and everything is available to sample. Pay no attention to the huge line behind you ass hole, if you want a sample of low-sodium honey ham well hot damn, you’re gonna ask for it.

‘You want to sample the turkey? Have you lived in under a rock all your life?’ Is what I want to ask.

So that is my rant for today. What bothers you at the grocery store? Are you guilty of any of the above?

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21 thoughts on “8 Ways to Be a Decent Human Being at the Grocery Store

  1. Oh I hear ya! I always try and help bag the groceries too. In Australia we have 12 items or less. Those lanes are for express checkout and I get so annoyed when they wheel their trolleys containing a full load, into these lanes….aaaarghhhh, there’s my rant for the day too! 😉

  2. You touched on everything except for the socializers. People who run into each other at the grocery store and decide to have a reunion. They’ll stop in the middle of the isle, blocking it completely with their carts, and continue chatting oblivious to anyone else. I’ll admit to sometimes “accidentally” bumping someone with my cart interrupting their chat fest.

    1. You know what? I thought about that then thought I wanted to leave my list on an even number of 8. But no…you are sooo right! The socializers are HORRIBLE. If I see someone I know (which is literally every week), I say to them, “let’s move over to the side,” you know, respectful, human behavior!!

  3. Lately, I’ve been hitting the grocery store right before work (7:30ish)- it’s pure heaven. I usually only encounter a handful of other shoppers and people stocking shelves. It’s so nice to go in for 5-10 things and get out in less than 10 minutes.

    I went this morning and over heard an employee talking about me on the phone. He was speaking Spanish, so I’m sure he was being covert, but my basic Spanish includes words ‘pelirroja’- redhead. Scumbag…

    1. Wait….did you piss them off or something? Why was he talking about you? That would honestly be the best time to go though…in the morning!

  4. Girl, you are speaking my language. I can’t even tell you how aggravating it is grocery shopping with aisles and aisles of snow birds, who stop their carts or motor scooters in the middle of the aisles. Annoyingly, this leaves absolutely no room to get by and has resulted in trapping people in the aisles. Sometimes there even eating the stuff they’re about to buy or they put back frozen food in the pantry aisles. Of course, they’re also the people complaining loudly at the checkout about prices not realizing that the store has to eat the cost of every refrigerated item they decided to put back on a pantry shelf.

    1. Yes, yes and Yes! That’s actually something I forgot to mention- the ass holes who negotiate over a nickel. I’ve actually given a lady a quarter before just to shut her up and I could be checked out. And OMG….I never thought of that, you must have a TON of snowbirds. That would drive me bat shit crazy to dodge the scooters.

      1. The snowbirds are the worst. There are a few that are very nice and congenial. The vast majority, however, are complete assholes that will run your ankles over and bitch about the cashier not taking an expired coupon!

  5. I always do my shopping first thing Thursday mornings so I get to avoid a lot of this. And I will always pack my own things. Mostly because I used to work at a grocery store and I have a system lol. But as a former grocery store worker, all of this bothers me. Especially the not putting things back. And also the lady who will bring up a can with a dent in it asking for a discount or the one who has a bag of something that expires in two days and wants a discount on it’s impending expiry date. Or the one who ONLY has reduced stickers on EVERYTHING which means it takes twice as long to scan in because you just know you’re going to scan the original bar code, have to delete it and then scan the reduced sticker. Or the one who goes “um you didn’t have any organic items left in this baby food flavour so I’m going to need this at the organic price not the original price”. Or the one who is actually all these rolled up in one who brings her OVER FLOWING shopping carts (YES TWO OF THEM) to the cash 5 minutes before the store closes, doesn’t help bag anything and then it’s after closing time and she parked on the other side of the shopping mall so she now has to walk 5 minutes to get her car before driving around to the parcel pickup area (cos carts aren’t allowed out of the store) to get her two cars full of food for the week while everyone else has to stay and wait for her slow lazy butt.

    1. Sooo…..what you are saying is you have a little pent up grocery store anger??? Lol! I see a blog post out of this. Seriously, you could call it “Memoir of a grocery clerk- Because someone needs to sell food to these ass holes.” My Lord that all sounds horrible! I’ve worked retail and the restaurant business but never a grocery store.

  6. lot’s of truth in that one. with me, it’s almost as bad in a supermarket than driving my car. I just don’t scream and shout at offenders in supermarkets. in the car, however…..

  7. I have the same complaints you do. I would like to add, the parent that completely forgets they have a child in their cart because they are too busy on their phone. Hell, they may not even know they are at the grocery store. Also, the kid that looks like they are going to fall out of the cart but the parent doesn’t say anything to them. You better believe I do. I have told more than one kid to sit down before they fall out of the cart and crack their head open.

    1. OMG….I have too! That’s a great one to add to the list. How do these children survive past their 10th birthday? How are these parents parents? I too have told kids to sit down. And you know the surprising thing? I’m surprised I haven’t been snipped at by the parent for telling their child what to do. Dummies.

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