8 Ways to Be a Decent Human Being at the Grocery Store

grocery store

I grocery shop every week. Sometimes I splurge and use the grocery store service where they shop for me but then everything is wrong, something is forgotten or I can’t pick up groceries till 8 PM at night.

“Sorry boys, I know your used to dinner by 6:30 but try to wait till 9 PM since the groceries aren’t ready. Just pretend your European or something.”

This is on par with telling a starving bear in an aquarium not to touch the specimens.

Every time I go to the grocery store I encounter rude-ass people. The sad thing is, some don’t even know they are being ass holes. They are worse, they are oblivious. Now my readers are smart and I know you guys aren’t the oblivious type, at least that’s what I gather. So this list is meant to be stumbled or shared with people who you know are guilty of at least one of these. In no particular order….

Grocery Store Etiquette

Sunday Stroll

Just because this is your Sunday stroll and you are going the speed of snail doesn’t mean I want to spend 4 hours in the grocery store. If you’re not in a hurry, MOVE OVER. These people walk right in the middle of the aisle slowly with not enough room to get around and if you do speed around them, you look like an impatient ass hole.

15 Items or Less

I noticed that my grocery store changed the wording on these express lines to say “around 15 items”. No, no and no! These lines are meant to be fast yet there is always that person that takes advantage of the “around” verbage and slaps down 25 items. So if it’s “about 15 items”, don’t stroll up with anything more than 19, that’s my limit and should be your’s too.

Stopping in the Middle of the Aisle

We all must stop and assess our options with, let’s say peanut butter. Just like the first item, don’t stop your basket in the middle of the aisle. It may be heavy but roll that thing over!

Eating Unopened Food

Full disclosure, if I’m thirsty I will break into my water bottles and drink one. What I think is tacky is when one breaks open the chips and begins to feast. If you want a snack, there is always a sample at the sushi stand or at the deli but don’t eat unpaid for food. What happens if your card declines? Also, don’t start eating strawberries or berries to “try”. They haven’t been washed yet!

The Screaming Brat

I returned from the grocery store about an hour ago. While there, a mom with 4 children walked around ranging in age from probably 15 to 2. The 2-year-old little girl began to scream bloody murder in the frozen food aisle and wouldn’t quit. Let me tell you, I’ve never had either son pitch a fit like this because there is something called consequences. Obviously there wasn’t any with this kid. I would have asked the older kids to watch the basket while Miss Whiny Pants and I have a chat. I would have taken her outside and calmly told her the following, “if you don’t quit screaming I am going to spank you 3 times, right here, right now. When we get home, you will spend the rest of the evening in your room. Now, do you want the spanking or do you want to stop crying?”

Leaving Shit Anywhere

Just because you changed your mind on the frozen shrimp doesn’t mean  you should lay it next to the apples in produce. Pick it up and walk back to the frozen food aisle. It’s lazy not to.

Too Good to Bag

Every so often the grocery store are short on help. After I get everything on the conveyor belt, I then head over and begin to bag. If anything, I like to bag because then I can put pantry stuff with pantry stuff and frozen with frozen. Occasionally though, I’ll see the ass hole who stand there and waits for the poor clerk to bag everything when it could go much quicker if they helped.

The Undecided Deli Customer Who Orders EVERYTHING!

Oh my God, this might be my biggest annoyance. This person goes into the grocery store as if they’ve never heard of lunch meat. When they approach the deli counter they have the mindset that they are the only customer and everything is available to sample. Pay no attention to the huge line behind you ass hole, if you want a sample of low-sodium honey ham well hot damn, you’re gonna ask for it.

‘You want to sample the turkey? Have you lived in under a rock all your life?’ Is what I want to ask.

So that is my rant for today. What bothers you at the grocery store? Are you guilty of any of the above?

Share the laughs with friends!

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