I would like to meet the “father of cubicles”, and slap the shit out of him. What were they thinking?
“You can collaborate more”……
“It gives the office a larger feel”…..
“Cubicles reduce cost”……..
Apparently, the original creator of cubicles and all successors, thought the entire, industrialized world is runned by deaf mutes. If I were to guess, the folks that continue to have a cubicle set up in their company have never actually sat in a cubicle for more than a day, encountering all sorts of personalities in the other cubes. Perhaps they forget what it’s like and figure it’s a rite of passage?
We moved into our new offices this week and they are beautiful. We knew we would be sitting in cubes and I was vying for the most private cubicle my pay grade allowed. My nice boss gave me the option of either a cube that only had walls around 3/4th of the area but was large or a much tinier cube, but completely private. Considering I have the concentration of a squirrel, I chose the tiny, private cube. Here are a few pictures.
Over my years of corporate life, I’ve spent all but a few of them in cubes so I feel more than qualified to present the list of the worst cube mates. I’m not saying I work with any of these personalities now and I talked with several people to get their ideas. There was a general theme!
The Music Lover
Listen up Bob, that’s great that you lived during the music revolution of the 60’s and can’t listen to In The Air Tonight, without air-drumming but keep that shit to yourself. You are not in a padded room. You are 8′ away from me and everyone else. We can hear your music and it’s not fair to other co-workers that you are long overdue for a miracle ear. Get rid of the speakers, have your grandson show you how to order ear buds and call it a day.
The Social Media Expert
How do you still have a job? You are on the internet ALL-DAY-LONG, quoting all sorts of shit.
“Life Hack #53, put a warm spoon on a bug bite to remove the itch!”
Thanks Lori. If I wanted another useless piece of advice, I would have gone on Pinterest. Just because something caught your whim, doesn’t mean I care.
The Phone Talker
I’m talking about 2 types here. The first one is planning their social calendar, all day, every day for the next 20 years. The second one loves to berate vendors on the phone and does so loud enough to show dominance. The only thing you’re dominating Archie Bunker is that lonely lazy boy you’ll go home to tonight, with a 6-pack and a bag of chips. Feet up son, C-Span just started.
This person normally has 3-4 water bottles on their desk and complete random shit like a jewelry box or a throw pillow. If you are in a corral set up, their junk slowly creeps into your space and you begin to become bitter towards them. I have personal experience with this as you can see….
Why do co-workers cut their nails at work? I hear someone clipping their nails on a bi-weekly basis and I’m scared one will become airborne and land in my cube. This is ABSOLUTELY disgusting and you should know better.
The Stinky Food
Why do people bring in their tuna, Brussel sprout, cauliflower pasta and warm it up in the microwave? Or they have their hot wings from BW3’s, warm them up and leave the office smelling like Hooters. Put down the 5 day old tilapia and make a sandwich for God’s sake!
The Obnoxious Decorator
When I reached out to people for what they find as a nightmare cube mate, there was a similar theme but slightly different. My friend NC, announced she hated the Pinterest decorator where they wall papered their cube. That is pretty ridiculous. The other person talked about the dog shrine a co-worker had. Like the wall was covered, hoarder style, with their sacred pet.
I hesitated on this one. Why? Because occasionally I think I might do this but the truth hurts and I don’t want to ask. I have these bagel chips and they are really loud. I had someone similar to this at my last job but she was so far away and there was really no reason she chomped as loud as she did.
I had forgotten I have been a victim of this one. Many years ago, I would hang up the phone and after each conversation, my cube mate would turn around and either comment or question it. It was enough to make me batty.
This person is oblivious to if you are on the phone, answering an email or in deep concentration. For example, Judy will simply yell over the cube a question about the email she just sent 5 seconds ago. You are left confused, looking like the dumb ass because you have no idea what she’s talking about. Dial it down a notch, Judy!
What did I forget? You guys have to have something I forgot!