Hot Mess and the BMV

Yesterday was a pretty laid back birthday. I even laid in bed and read about StumbleUpon, trying to figure it out. After I lost interest with StumbleUpon, I played 2 rounds of 7 Little Words. On round 2 though, I began to feel guilty for doing nothing. I decided after I solved STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHING (MAYBE), I would go get my 2018 tags since they expired today. The lamo answer is SCRIPTED by the way.

Anyway, I reluctantly changed into jeans and left. I didn’t put on a trace of make-up or even run a brush through my hair. I prayed to the social Gods I wouldn’t see anyone I knew. As I walked into the tiny little DMV, I was relieved to find only a couple waiting. They were #9, I was #10 and the bakery sign read 8. Eureka!

After just 5 minutes (truly a record), my number was called. A cheerful, 20-something began the process of my registration.

“Do you know your license expires today?” She asked.

“Come again?”

“Yeah, it expires today and you really shouldn’t drive with an expired license,” she said in a sing-song voice.

“You’ve GOT to be kidding me. I have no makeup on and my hair is a mess. Oh my God!” You would think someone told me I were to meet the Pope. #firstworldproblems

“Well we are opened till 5. Just get prepared, come back and I’ll wave you right in.”

“Ok,” I said, very defeated.

Reason #253,000 that irony is a comedian. I have NEVER:

A. Gotten in and out of the DMV that quick.

B. Got my new tags on or before expiration. Here is a post for when I was pulled over, boys in the backseat, because of expired tags.

I ran home and put 3 layers of make-up on. I then curled and coiffed my hair. Apparently its the expectation that license pictures look bad. Seeing that it’s used for the next 4 years and many strangers will see it, I always do everything in my power to not look like death.

My husband just laughed at me. He couldn’t understand why I would drive all the way home just to primp and then make a second visit to the DMV.

BMV Part Deux

When I returned as promised, the 20-something motioned for me to come up. She asked the following question:

“Are you dependent on drugs and alcohol or under the influence right now?”

Tell me, what is the game plan if I said yes? If anyone said yes? I would KILL to see this girl’s reaction and what plan B looked like after processing this info. Do they call the police? Do they hand them a pamphlet on recovery? I am super curious about this so if you know, let me know.

What’s equally funny is she whispers to me, “Is your weight still 135?”

“Mmmm….well…”I beat around the bush. “If I lie by 3 pounds let’s just say 138-ish?” She shook her head grinning and continued to type on her keyboard.

In conclusion, it’s priority to keep a woman’s weight quiet but when it comes to drugs and alcohol, this can be asked for the entire office to hear. As for the license? Here it is…..

When I arrived home, I bestowed this life lesson to my sons: don’t want to grow up because it’s not great. I just spent $70 on my birthday for a registration and a new license.