Day 1 of Dieting

Day 1 of Dieting

I promise you guys this, this will be the last time I mention a diet. This isn’t a fitness/health blog. I just find some funny in my views about it since I’m essentially dreading everything there is about a diet.

Lunch Adjustment

Now normally in the morning when I make my lunch, I layer on about 4 pieces of ham and 2 slices of swiss cheese onto 3-cheese semolina sliced bread. The cherry on top is the beautiful folds upon folds of mayonnaise I layer on.

Today, I laid out 2 slices of regular bread and topped them with 2 pieces of ham and 2 slices of swiss. I grabbed the mayo only to say to myself, ‘fuck, I have to measure this out.’

Reluctantly, I got out a teaspoon and squirted the mayo into it. I took my knife and began to spread the itty-bitty amount onto my bread.

“This isn’t even anything. You can barely see the mayonnaise! This sandwich is going to be so dry,” I whined to no one.

Dinner Tonight

You may remember these moms. Well we are all dieting together (there is one more not shown in the video) starting today. What I can’t figure out is we are to meet for dinner tonight while the boys are at practice… a pizza place. How is that gonna work? Oh, and they probably have $2 long island iced teas or something. I thought today was the day? I’ve had my Fitbit on for 3 days now and grown accustom to it so, prepared for today. You can’t put me in a pizza place with alcohol on the first day of the diet. That’s damn cruel!

Motivation For The First Day

My 8-year-old son lay sick on the sofa this morning, watching ESPN.

“Tom Brady is 40?” C said in complete disbelief.

I gave him a death look. “Yeah, he’s 40, you gotta problem with that?”

“That’s old!!” my 8-year-old proclaims, grinning slightly, knowing that would get my goat.

“That’s not old!” I protest. “40 is just gettin’ started!”

And in that moment, I realized I need to lose weight and show my sons that 40 isn’t old. I don’t need it to be like a mid-life crisis but I do need to show them that 40 isn’t for the retirement homes. Many of you will read this and call me a pup. Many of you will read this and be like, “actually Hot Mess, 40 is pretty old.”

No matter, I just gotta lose the weight and be able to pick up more than a 3-lb dumb bell.

Share the laughs with friends!


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