I promise you guys this, this will be the last time I mention a diet. This isn’t a fitness/health blog. I just find some funny in my views about it since I’m essentially dreading everything there is about a diet.
Lunch Adjustment
Now normally in the morning when I make my lunch, I layer on about 4 pieces of ham and 2 slices of swiss cheese onto 3-cheese semolina sliced bread. The cherry on top is the beautiful folds upon folds of mayonnaise I layer on.
Today, I laid out 2 slices of regular bread and topped them with 2 pieces of ham and 2 slices of swiss. I grabbed the mayo only to say to myself, ‘fuck, I have to measure this out.’
Reluctantly, I got out a teaspoon and squirted the mayo into it. I took my knife and began to spread the itty-bitty amount onto my bread.
“This isn’t even anything. You can barely see the mayonnaise! This sandwich is going to be so dry,” I whined to no one.
Dinner Tonight
You may remember these moms. Well we are all dieting together (there is one more not shown in the video) starting today. What I can’t figure out is we are to meet for dinner tonight while the boys are at practice…..at a pizza place. How is that gonna work? Oh, and they probably have $2 long island iced teas or something. I thought today was the day? I’ve had my Fitbit on for 3 days now and grown accustom to it so, prepared for today. You can’t put me in a pizza place with alcohol on the first day of the diet. That’s damn cruel!
Motivation For The First Day
My 8-year-old son lay sick on the sofa this morning, watching ESPN.
“Tom Brady is 40?” C said in complete disbelief.
I gave him a death look. “Yeah, he’s 40, you gotta problem with that?”
“That’s old!!” my 8-year-old proclaims, grinning slightly, knowing that would get my goat.
“That’s not old!” I protest. “40 is just gettin’ started!”
And in that moment, I realized I need to lose weight and show my sons that 40 isn’t old. I don’t need it to be like a mid-life crisis but I do need to show them that 40 isn’t for the retirement homes. Many of you will read this and call me a pup. Many of you will read this and be like, “actually Hot Mess, 40 is pretty old.”
No matter, I just gotta lose the weight and be able to pick up more than a 3-lb dumb bell.
I think I need to call your bluff HM! I’m sure you will mention diets again! Even if it’s just to mock them. I love your mocking posts. Don’t deprive the world of such wonderful mocking posts because of a silly little promise you made that no one is going to remember 😉
Prediction: You will regret promising not to talk about the diet around the third time you break that promise. Better to retract now and just live your life and blog your blog. Trust me.