As Americans, we are gearing up to celebrate our independence from Britain. And to all my lovely British friends, please no offense. It wasn’t you, it was totally us. We needed our space and you were being all clingy and stuff 200 years ago. But like old lovers that become friends 20 years later, now we are BFF’s.
This morning, I was reminded of our “neighbors” we have had over the years when watching fireworks. Complete hayseeds, obnoxious and annoying. I don’t care if any of those words are the same, they are needed to describe this type of steerage.
Now before you  get the idea that I’m some sort of snot, I’m not. I know rich white trash and middle-class white trash people. White trash (in my book) is more about lacking the ability to have class, personal grooming and respect for others. As I tell my boys: money does not buy class or talent. This is a hard pill for them to swallow, especially when we are probably the poorest on my son’s old team and his new team will make us seem like begging paupers. There was a kid on his last team that had a rock climbing wall and tennis court…..in his basement. Were talking CEO’s, doctors, old money, new money…whatever. Do Pokemon cards count as currency?
Famous White Trash Folks
Here is a brief list of famous WT people that I can only deduce, have sold their souls to the devil in exchange for fame or money:
- Brittany Spears
- Miley Cyrus
- Snooki
- Mama June
- Kim Kardashian (strike this, all Kardashians minus their children, they may take a turn for the classy, IDK)
- Lindsay Lohan
- Coco Austin
- Kendra Wilkinson
It’s so funny because I had writers block after Lindsay Lohan then found a list of similar topic and surprisingly, almost everyone I had mentioned, was on there. Â Here is the list. I think it’s hilarious that the president and Hillary Clinton made the list. I find it amusing Hugh Hefner is #100, meaning he has more class than both the president and Hillary (according to this list but I respectively disagree considering Hugh has no problem having 3 women join in him in bed. If you add up their ages, you still wouldn’t get to his age of 91).
What I Have To Look Forward To This Evening
So back on tonight’s events. We go to a little park about 8 miles from our home. Below is a brief synopsis of what will be flanking each side of our blanket this evening. I’m willing to bet my Chihuahua that this is spot on what will happen.
Each family will include a grandmother (teeth optional) with greasy, gray long hair, swept up on one side with a barrette she acquired from Woolworth’s in 1965. She usually has 2-4Â derelict children. The boy will be dumber than door nail, pairing something camo with his sleeveless Budweiser shirt and a tattoo on his calf. He will inevitably light his fingers on fire, attempting to recreate a video he saw on YouTube and “thought it to be awesome”.
                                                                                       The daughters will be screaming lunatics. One usually is wearing a Pooh bear shirt that looks like this. Though it fit great in 1999, it barely covers in 2017. Everyone has a cigarette in their hands, at all times. Hell, the baby drinking mountain dew from a sippy cup has a cigarette in her hand. The girls are ALWAYS yelling at their kids for for all the wrong reasons,
“I said Diet Mountain Dew, God damn it!”
When the children are running on to other people’s blankets or pulling hypodermic needles out of the trashcan, this behavior is ignored by super moms 1 and 2.
This leads me to the kids. Jesus, the kids. There’s always that one kid who just stands and stares at you for 3 minutes, occasionally inserting a finger into their nose. It’s like they’ve never seen an adult not holding a cigarette and a Dr. Pepper at the same time. Yes, yes I am going to hell. These children are reprimanded with screams and cursing up until the fireworks start. The kids are focused for 3 minutes, loose interest then begin their traditional taunting of my family. Screaming for no reason, running into your area, spilling shit that splashes onto your blanket. Lolita and Tanqueray pretend they don’t have children and it’s up to you to subtly reprimand their kids. I say subtle because if they catch wind of you reprimanding their boos, they go ape shit, as if you were trying to spank them.
So, we will see how tonight pans out. I’m going to get pictures to prove the above. That is, contingent upon me not risking my life for them. It’s all so ridiculous!
With today being Canada’s 150 Day, fireworks are set to be huuuuge. I’ve never seen anyone that white trash at the fireworks but I will be on the lookout now haha. Also, I believe the Kardashians are a lost cause…
Perhaps it’s different in Canada. All I know is the amount of WT that come out for the fireworks and gravitate towards my little piece of paradise is astounding.
I can’t help myself, I do judge parents that try and pretend their kids don’t need supervision. Or who offer the kind of supervision the kids are better without. I’m not the perfect parent, but it’s painful to watch these children run amuck when mom and dad can’t be bothered. That’s not my idea of “independence” day! Good luck with your neighbors!
Usually dad is in jail or left. Grandma Hayseed helps out when she’s not greeting people at the Walmart. Damn, I am so going to hell. I’m not the perfect parent either but I do reign them in when they are impeding on other people. I look at that as a form of disrespect.
Oh… wow!
Looks like you have plenty to ‘look’ forward to!!!
Oh yes and it will all be worth it if I can get pics like I did last time. It was like I was at a Jerry Springer convention.
Lol!!! I’m almost jealous but to be honest we get our fair share of chavs (English white trash) here where I live, too!!!
Yep! Totally using that word tonight. Going to get on the loud speaker and call the entire town CHAVS! When the one person that has been to England recognizes the insult…I’ll change my tune. “CAVS! I said CAV! We are all fans of the Cleveland CAVS!”
???? at least you got your excuse covered!!!!
OMG! I can totally relate to this. I grew up in a small town in Southern Illinois where half the population could be classed as WT. And you’re right; it didn’t have to do with money. (BTW, though I voted for both of them, I would say that it’s BILL who is the WT Clinton, and not Hillary. Hillary is an East Coaster who married beneath her, class-wise.) But I digress. There were actual people in my home town who would ride around town seated in lawn chairs in the back of pickup trucks, clutching beers. Oh, and yes, they all had cigarettes. At all times. Wonderful post. Hope you survive the 4th!!!
Ah so WT is in Illinois too? I’m sorry. It is about class, not about money! With regards to your digression, that is an excellent fact and one I would have to agree with. Ride around town in lawn chairs? Does anyone have any shame anymore? Jesus!
Oh yes, a wide swath of WT in Illinois, particularly Southern Illinois. And no, no one has shame anymore (!)
Wide swath! Love it! Like it’s an outbreak!!!
Sounds like an event to avoid or perhaps stay at home and create your own celebration 🙂 Another reason why we avoid crowds! Good luck!
Naw, I can’t wait to be bitten by the bugs, pay $45 dollars for hot dogs, popcorn and snow cones and lastly, entertain an 8 year old for 4 hours before the 15 minute display. Really, why am I doing this?
Because you have an 8 year old 🙂 Enjoy!
Exactly!
I used to love fireworks until I got a popbottle rocket up my keester from…
….you guessed it…
…WT
Come again? How? Who? What? WTF!
Ya know how some people will play with fireworks and instead of blowing themselves up they accidentally blow someone else up…
…well someone lit a pop bottle rocket that hit me in the keester.
I wasn;t hurt, thankfully, and I don’t know who it was…just some morons at a fireworks show one year.
O.M.G! I’m glad you weren’t hurt. Usually I’m dodging WT sparklers. The kids get WAY to close to me. And btw, I accidentally just pressed something that made your comment go pink and orange so if you see something odd, that is what it is. I’m going to try and fix it now.
lo…you unapproved my comment, I think.
I can’t find anything out of the ordinary. I’m sorry. Please know I didn’t mean to.
You can see my comments, right?
Years ago we lived across the street from this family. If you’re interested, Husband learned the magic words to make them scatter and leave you the hell alone. (for a while)
One day, out of frustration for yet another thing one of the little demons had damaged, he yelled, “WHO’S GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?” Now, the “this” in question was nothing to speak of,* but the subject of financial responsibility for their actions was verbal kryptonite, because the kids were immediately recalled to their own damned yard and we didn’t see any of the WT for a while.
*(Seriously, it wasn’t that they couldn’t afford it. They were across the cul-de-sac from us and I had serious architectural envy even after I met them. So unfair for such horrible people to be able to afford windows like that!)
So let me make sure I’ve got this right b/c I am TOTALLY trying this out tonight. If I say “Who’s going to pay for this?” They scatter like rats? I’m interested…..
Try it with some oomph and outrage behind it. Worked every time. Spilled beverage? WHO’S GOING TO PAY FOR THIS? Broken window? WHO’S GOING TO PAY FOR THIS??
Now I feel sad that I’ve never met real white trash. We have chavs in the UK… I suppose that is pretty close!?
Josy, I’m pretty sure chavs are the British version of good ol’ American white trash ??.
Ah, thank you for clarifying! I’m totally going to be a dick tonight and call one of the kids a chav but make it sound like a term of endearment. BTW, I’ve decided to do Facebook live tonight when the opportunity presents itself to display the various forms of WT I will encounter tonight. It will look like I’m taping C but really look either at the background or next to him to see what I’m trying to convey. God I’m going to hell.
?
Are chavs classless, obnoxious, poor hygiene, lack of all manners and respect? If that is a chav in England, then welcome to tonight’s nightmare.
OMG. I.CAN’T.EVEN ????! This is spot on, dude! SPOT ON!
Thank you! I hope I painted a good enough picture. So it’s the same in Nevada? And shit, it gets hot there so I’m sure additional skin is displayed that shouldn’t be.
OH HONEY. It’s DEFINITELY worse in Nevada!!!
Sad but true. I don’t attend a lot of “big” town events because of people like this. I even had a horrible time in Disney World (yes! Disney World!) because WT let their kids run around screaming and annoying everyone else. One women was sitting opposite her son who was behind me making crackling sounds with his bottle in my ear. Not 2 inches from my ear. She did nothing until I loudly said I was going to throttle the kid in a minute. Then she had him come sit with her.
Why are people such ass holes? I mean seriously. And that just proves my point about Disney World- that you can have enough money to attend Disney World but still be WT b/c you are completely oblivious and disrespectful. Well said Jennifer!
Haha I’m definitely going to remember the phrase “derelict children”. Very funny. We get plenty of WT over here too. The US may have divorced the UK, but we still have the same problems ha x
#Chavs #WhiteTrash Make sure to watch my Facebook live on my Hot Mess Memoir page tonight as I uncover the chavs!!
Haha. I’m about to go to bed, but I trust we’ll get entertaining feedback from you soon ??
Thank you for reminding me of why we prefer to stay home and watch the Boston fireworks on TV (as lame as that sounds). And I completely agree – you can have a bazillion dollars and be more white trash than an entire studio audience at a Springer taping. Hope you got some good footage tonight! 😀
Thank you!! Not lame at all!
The whole time I was reading this I was thinking it resembled a trip to Walmart.
Actually had you visited Walmart 1-2 hours earlier, you would have seen this cast if characters. I have additional posts about Walmart if you want to search for them. I hate Walmart!
Holy fuck, I’m reading this now and OMG!! I love it!