My Black Friday Padawan

Black Friday

My sons and husband are currently watching the Buckeye/Michigan game. Watching football to me is on par with watching 4 hours of CSPAN. I don’t understand it, I don’t want to understand it and I have no desire to watch. Instead, I will tell you how I took my son out for his first time shopping Black Friday Eve. Side note: I estimate I saved 1.6 million dollars shopping on Black Friday eve.


P wanted to come with me. He was curious and I was willing to show him “the way”. I was the teacher, he was my padawan. Here is a photo of us right before we headed out to the nightmare known as Walmart. P and I Black Friday

“Hey, since we are doing this, I want to have a conversation with you. You know the whole thing with Santa, right?” I asked, praying he truly didn’t believe in Santa so I wasn’t the ass hole that ruined it for him.

“Yeah,” P said knowing this was THAT conversation.

“When did you know?”

“‘Bout last year, right before Thanksgiving,” he admitted.

“Ok, don’t tell your brother or I’ll ground you for life.”

“Copy that,” he said, somewhat sarcastically.


We arrived at “The Walmart” around 6:30. It felt like 11:30.

“Should we get a basket?” P asked.

“Nah, there are no baskets on black Friday. Besides, we don’t want to be those people that can’t maneuver the aisles because of basket,” I said strongly. He didn’t argue.

“Ok, so what should we go for first?” I asked P.

“My video game,” he blurted out as if he knew the question was coming.

So we headed over to the electronic section to find a notice on the video game windows stating video games were temporarily in the dairy aisle. This made complete sense as this was Walmart.

P and I jetted over to the grocery area. First we passed the meat area ducking under caution tapes. It was completely empty and I didn’t know if we were taking the proper route. Upon arrival into the dairy area there was caution tape blocking off red cardboard displays of hundreds of video games. A few people were browsing and a cop watching over the area. Eureka as the area was totally dead! Probably because it was in the dairy aisle and no one knew it was here. Now it made sense. I thought the cop was playing double duty as the cop and an associate getting you what game you wanted.

“Hi, yeah, can I please have Fifa 17 and Rainbow Six?” I asked Officer Walmart.

“Mam, the line is over there,” he said annoyed, pointing to the liquor area. Obviously I wasn’t the first dumb ass not to realize this wide open area was too good to be true.

The line snaked in and out of the liquor and beverage aisles then snaked over through the 4 snack aisles. This was all just to get a game that we weren’t even guaranteed would be available once we got to the tiny little area. The ad said MINIMUM OF 3 under the game my son was searching for.

After about 20 minutes in line I heard,

“Then you be dichin.”

“This is where they told us to go,” I heard a hillbilly say. A small section of the line in front of us began to argue. Apparently the flow of the line was messed up and there were 2 lines now feeding into 1. I looked at my son proudly.

“This is what I explained to you would happen,” I said. “There always tends to be some sort of argument on Black Friday. Now, since I don’t want you to get knifed and we don’t even know if they are going to have the game, I think we need to head on over to Target.”

P was disappointed but he understood the train wreck we were currently in.


Fortunately Target is right across the street from Walmart. We weren’t even in the parking lot for a solid minute until another fight broke out.

We were about 3 cars back from turning to go into another row when I saw the white reverse lights illuminate on an SUV. The SUV began to slowly pull out.

‘He’s going to hit that car,’ I thought in the same sense of urgency I have when I’m thinking that I have to shave . It all happened in slow mo and in retrospect I probably should have honked my horn. I didn’t and the car was hit, just 2 up from me. Immediately a girl probably in her twenties with her hair piled on top of her head, a zip up sweatshirt and pajama bottoms, hops out of the car and begins screaming at the SUV as the owner hadn’t even gotten out yet.

“What the hell?” She screamed. “You just hit my car! You didn’t even look!”

“I’m sorry,” the tall thin man said, now standing at the side of the car.

“Your sorry? Your sorry? That’s my fuckin’ car!” She blurted out, just inches from the man’s torso. By now the granny of the McCoy clan got out to watch.

Lolita did not back down and I seriously thought she was going to deck him. It would have to happen with her left hand though. As the classy lady she seemed to be, she firmly held on to a Virginia Slim with her other hand.

Cars began to honk now, annoyed we weren’t moving. Like anyone born over the last 25 years, P did what anyone would do. He pulled out his phone and began to record the altercation.

“Put it down,” I said not taking my eyes off the argument. “We don’t need her beating us up too.” P put the phone down.

After Target and finding his game, I drove him back home. I wasn’t done. In fact, I shopped till about 2 a.m. It did begin to weigh on my though when I spent about 30 minutes in line at Old Navy.

So who else went out and shopped on Thanksgiving or Black Friday? What was your best deal you found?




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