I wanted so badly to share this with you guys yesterday but I was running on 2 hours of sleep and the only thing going through my mind all day was,
‘bed, bed, bed, bed.’
Yesterday both of my sons started school. P started middle school which you all know I am completely petrified about, given what I remember. Each school has a parents night where you get to walk around and ask the teachers questions and attend a few meetings about things like PTO. The middle school meeting was last night from 6 to 8. I was semi-interested in the presentation they were having: The Dangers of Social Media.
We arrived promptly at 6 o’clock just in time for the principal to introduce the speakers for this presentation. I noticed a few moms that I’m friends with, sitting across and to the right of me. I was bummed that I already took a seat away from them.
Two men clearly stuck out like a sore thumb in their three-piece suits sitting directly across from me on the other bleachers. I knew that they were not teachers as they didn’t have the standard uniform of khakis purchased at Kohls and a button-down shirt. I was right, they were lawyers and they would be giving the presentation.
Lawyer 1 took the mic and introduced them. He explained in a tone more suitable for Feivel, that they were the juvenile prosecuting attorney’s for the county. Additionally, tonight’s presentation would also be done in a complete monotone voice.
Overall, 90% of the presentation was about sending naked pictures to your friends and an extensive list of consequences should you do it. I almost felt like they were trying to alleviate work for themselves, really going into detail of the consequences. Yes I get it, this is an extremely important topic so please don’t respond that I’m not taking this seriously because I completely am.
The lawyers worked really hard coming up with content for the presentation as they had us watch four YouTube videos on the subject matter. They paired this with power points that seemed to have encyclopedias written on them. Thank God we went through every bullet point.
At one point I sent the following text to a mom across from me.
I was praying that she found the funny in this as much as I was. I was friends with the mom that she was sitting next to but opted not to send her anything sarcastic as she would probably never invite my son over again.
After a grueling 50 minutes of sitting there learning such things as the word texting is a combination of the words sex and texting, they asked if anybody had questions. I was willing everybody not to ask a single question as I wanted out ASAP. Just then a burly old man sitting on my bench about 8′ down raised his hand. He looked like a hobo and I questioned if he even had a grandchild going to the school. He proceeded to ask the following question:
“Could you define nudity?” He asked like he was asking when his pension would kick in.
“Anything you have to cover up with a bathing suit,” lawyer 2 responded.
His answer really impressed me. It was cut and dry, making it easy to understand. This was not good enough for Chester however. He actually had a follow-up question to this.
“So like panties and bras?” He asked.
I shot him a death look. 1, because now he had crossed over to Creepyville and 2, every question he asked was another minute I had to sit there.
Finally after 50 long minutes of my life I will never get back, the presentation was over. We then filed into the library to sign up for 25 different teaching tools that I will never remember to log into and then on to the band room to listen to four out of six teachers that will never teach my child this year.
When I got home it was safe to say I was ready to crash. How is your week going?