What It’s Like to Microneedle At Home

It’s no secret that I will do everything in my power to keep a youthful appearance. I’ve written about every attempt I’ve made and I could care less how vein that sounds. I’ve gotten Botox and Restylane when it was free. I’ve consistently used the Total Body Enhancement at Planet Fitness. I wrote about when I cut my eyebrows way too short. And lastly, I wrote about the multiple daily tools, I use daily. Aging is an ass-hole and it will have to take me kicking and screaming into the abyss.

My Next Beauty Journey- Microneedling

After everything I mentioned above, I felt it was only natural to take the next step in my anti-aging evolution by sticking tiny little needles into my skin. I imagine in 100 years, society will look back and shake their heads in disbelief, like we do with bloodletting. I mean, your face literally looks like it was caught in a blender and sometimes, there’s even blood after you microneedle.

For those of you that don’t understand microneedling, allow me to explain. When we age, we lose precious collagen, the stuff that plumps our skin up. As collagen decreases, wrinkles begin to form. The idea behind microneedling is you’re causing “micro-injuries” to the skin. This in turn stimulates collagen production. The results can produce decreased wrinkling, improved texture and tone.

Dr. Pen

After buying 2 microneedling rollers, I learned that the pens might provide better, more tailored results. While the one below can retail for $100+, I found the same one on Wish.com for just $39.00! Sure, I had to wait a month as it was coming from China and for all I know could be a knock-off but I was willing to take my chances. After all, I’m cheap AF.

Microneedling Day

I was DYING to use it. I watched several YouTube videos on how to use it and even drew a diagram of what size needles to use on which part of my face. I thought about using it before attending a Bad Mom’s Party but decided to wait. I would learn later that was beyond a good decision.

First Time Issues

I’m going to tell you about what happened to my face the day after microneedling. This way, we can go back and I can tell you what I think I did wrong, prepping to do the procedure. I’m on day 2 after microneedling and everything is almost back to normal. Have I scared you yet?

Issue #1 My Bags Had Bags

I woke up the next morning looking probably 10 years older. Not only was my face still blotchy and red but I had developed massive, swollen bags under my eyes. Additionally, under my right eye, I shit you not, the bag had its own bag and was bruised. So the first tip: avoid the eye area. If you do the eyes, use the smallest needle possible and apply zero pressure. Did you hear me? Zero pressure. I had visions of having to go to the ER and being THAT person that completely botched things and would be a leper for the rest of my life, thanks to the way my under eyes looked.

Issue #2 Things Weren’t Sterile Enough

The second issue was acne on my right cheek. I’m 45 yet the acne that formed overnight was on par with that of a 16-year-old. It had been decades since I had that much acne on my cheek. I began to Google if acne was normal and apparently it is but I think I screwed up. I didn’t keep things as clean as they could have been. See, you’re creating little holes in your skin, a bacteria’s wet dream. It’s not lost on me either that the eye bag’s bag, was just above all the acne. It’s like they were having a dirty little party and I wasn’t invited.

I had wiped everything down with alcohol pads, including my fingers. I couldn’t bring myself to pay $8 for a box of vinyl gloves (again cheap AF) and reasoned wiping my hands down with alcohol pads (and my face) would suffice. This would prove futile because I would touch my keyboard and mouse, stopping and starting the YouTube video, following along while the YouTuber microneedled her face. I tried to keep things super clean but to be honest, I got lazy. Also, after applying the numbing cream, I’m pretty sure I didn’t do a good job removing it before microneedling and I cross-contaminated by touching the knobs on my sink. Lastly, I probably didn’t choose the best numbing cream. I have the patience of a toddler and settled on a cream I found one mile away…at The Dollar General.

Microneedling Advice

This is a work in progress and I will continue to learn from my mistakes. Will I do it again? Hell yeah! So here’s what I highly recommend:

1. Buy the gloves and sterilize EVERYTHING. It pays to be OCD when making tiny little holes in your skin.
2. DO NOT microneedle before having to go somewhere. Again, you’re face will look like beef carpaccio for several hours after the procedure and will be red probably the next day.
3. Numbing cream is a good idea because even if the tiny little needles don’t bother you during the procedure, you will feel like you have an uncomfortable sunburn.
4. Read up on what to put on your skin during and after the procedure. YouTube is a great resource and I’m linking to a master esthetician who has several videos about it. Watch them, just don’t touch your nasty-ass keyboard and mouse while you’re microneedling.
5. Don’t microneedle over acne. Not to get technical but that will really piss your face off.
6. Understand before going in, the maximum needle-length to use on each part of your face. Again, learn about the lengths. This isn’t like putting a mask on your face, you’re causing tiny injuries to the skin.
7. Don’t over microneedle. The pen I bought is pretty invasive. I won’t microneedle again for another month.

So maybe after a second or third treatment, I’ll write a follow-up. For now, this is where I’m at.