God I love doing these Facebook Selling Walls! I wait every few months and hit the Facebook Marketplace for things people are selling to find the dumbest items on sale. As always, there are normal things like prom dresses or laptops for sale but then there are the really stupid things like the stuff below. So pour yourself a glass of wine or a cold one and let’s get started!
Mario Kart Bowser Shoes
As a woman, I would never turn down a pair of Christian Louboutin’s however let’s talk about this disaster for a second. What “look” was this owner going for? Was it a collaboration between Bowser and Christian Louboutin? It’s like if an angel went goth, these are the shoes she would wear. If the 80’s, Summer white and a spiked dog collar had a baby, it would be these shoes. You had me at Christian Louboutin, you lost me when I saw they are nobby. Fail.
Because every baby needs a turban. Clearly the person that made these turbans have never dressed a baby. One might say this person hasn’t even been around a baby. Let’s get the baby to keep their socks, shoes and mittens on, then we talk baby turban.
Massager or Vibrator?
When I first saw this I couldn’t believe someone was selling a vibrator on the Facebook Selling Wall. I wavered between massager or vibrator. It said multi-speed massager but then the brand was called HOTT LOVE. I’ve determined it’s a vibrator based on these reasons:
- The brand is HOTT LOVE not SPA LOVE.
- It’s sold by Spencers (one of the trashiest chain stores known for naughty gifts)
- The first sentence of the cleaning directions state: For best results, use antibacterial toy cleaner or soap or water.
Why would you sell a vibrator on Facebook? Come on man. If you didn’t save the receipt to return it, chalk it up as a loss and part ways. Or at the very least, turn it into Goodwill so a poor horny woman can enjoy it.
Women’s Clothing for Sale
This merchant truly went over and beyond the call of duty to entice buyers. Why take the effort of taking pictures when you can jot it all down in purple ink on notebook paper? Roll the dice, that’s what I always say and keep’em guessin’ on what they’re really buying. Are you kidding me? For a combined total of $56, you’re gonna write it all out and have to take pictures anyway if someone’s even interested. Please note the quarter sleeve section where it says $2 however 2/3 of the items are worth more as they are asterisk as $5. Apparently, Jennifer Lopez doesn’t bring the value anymore. But why stop at page 1? She ran out of room and continued a second page here:
His & Her Mood Changing King & Queen Rings
Why do these exist? Not only do they say king and queen but they’re mood rings! How would you feel if someone got you one of these? Unloved? Me too.
Tools for Sale
Oh Lord, we’ve got another list writer! Is this a thing now? Too lazy to add pictures so someone just writes the stuff down? I have horrible handwriting but this is barely legible. Come on peoples. Some shit doesn’t even have prices and for the stuff that does, it looks like the seller could barely make a decision on what to charge. This is ridiculous!
I saved the best for last. I’ve seen people ask for cars before and just shake my head. Especially when the person can’t string together a cohesive sentence. How lazy and stupid do you have to be to ask for a car? What I can’t figure out is if she’s a grandmother or if she stays home with her grandma? I thought she said she was a stay at home, single mom but then she said she would lose her job if she didn’t go to work? She couldn’t take the time to write out the full words (cpl instead of couple, ur instead of your, b4 instead of before)?
“Yeah, I’m asking you to give me a free car but I won’t take the time to actually proof check my post or use punctuation, because that’s the type of person I am.”
So I want to hear from you! Do you like reading these? Do they make you laugh to see what people are selling on the Facebook selling wall or marketplace? And the sad thing? Everything above is within about 20 miles of me!