Rants · Ridiculousness

Put My Age in the Register….I Dare You!

When I go through the self-checkout with wine, I love to see the date they enter for my birthday. As a baseline, I was born on 12.28.76, making me 42-years-old. I’d say over the past 5 years, I’ve only been asked for my ID maybe 5% of the time. I once read they have to ask for your ID even up to them thinking you look 40. So you can imagine my disappointment to NEVER be asked for it anymore. Who knows, maybe they know me.

Then it dawned on me that there are a few specific people who enter in my birthday and/or check for my ID. I’m sure you’ve come across them before, let’s see if you recognize any of them……

The 20 to 30 Something Range

I can never gauge if they’re putting in their own birthday or that they think I look that young. They type it in so fast that it allows barely enough time to register in my brain.

The male cashier enters in 04.15.89.

‘1989….that would make me 29. Wait, is this guy 29 or he thinks I look 29? Should I ask him his birthday or maybe the process for entering the date?’

And despite the anxiety flooded questions over the few seconds of this exchange, I keep to myself and are left wondering.

The Militant

cocoonThis ass hole asks for an ID no matter if you are rolled in via wheelchair, with an oxygen tank, looking like an alien from Cocoon.

Some even go as far as to look at your ID, look up at you then back down again, just to ensure you aren’t using a fake id….at the age of 42.

This is usually a non-issue until you forget your ID and they refuse to sell you alcohol and you are on your way to a party, which you said you would bring the alcohol.

I want to be like, “look at me ass hole! I have 2 kids in tow and I’m attempting to buy a $20 bottle of Cabernet. You think anyone under the age of 22 is going to not only buy a bold red but one that cost $20? I don’t think so buddy!”

The Patronizer

Now on the other end of the spectrum and this hasn’t happened yet, because God help the person that does do it, is the patronizer. The patronizer knows that someone is clearly pushing 60+ but wants to come across as what? Charming I guess? They insist on seeing their ID. Then to add insult to injury, if the man or woman has a child with them, the patronizer declares,

“I thought this was your sister…..”

This in any way, shape or form wouldn’t flatter me. I want to slap the patronizer for the little old lady. I probably would if it wouldn’t make the little old lady upset.

The Uncategorized

This happened to me last month and I really don’t have a name for this person yet so I’m going to tell you the story. As usual I was doing self-checkout with my Red Box Wine. Because everything goes on lockdown when you scan alcohol, I had to wait for the employee to come over.

She was definitely aging. I put her at 70+. Her white hair was poodle permed. She wore mom jeans and white Reeboks to match her white socks and white turtleneck. Over the turtleneck was her red vest with various milestone pins. I’d never seen this woman before but you always tend to have new faces.

She walked over and I grinned at her, hoping she would go easy on the age entering.

‘She’s a woman, she understands how this affects us mentally, leaving us for several minutes later pondering why they chose that date,’ I thought.

She looked me up and down, scanned her key card and do you know the date that bitch put into the system?


Clearly she wasn’t 51. Did she think I was 51? Immediately after typing it in she looked at me like,

“Yeah, I did that bitch and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.”

She limped away and I just gazed at her, dumbfounded. There was nothing I could do but be left wondering why she had chosen the date.

I swear to God, one day I’m going to ask these people why these choose the date they choose!



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7 thoughts on “Put My Age in the Register….I Dare You!

  1. I used to have to do an ID for cigarettes when I worked at a grocery store (we only JUST started selling alcohol in regular stores a few years ago here) and we had a sticker with the year we needed to see if a person was over 19 or not. And if we knew they were, we would just make up a date for the computer lol

    I didn’t get carded (since I don’t buy anything that I need to be) but I was getting my brother’s Christmas gift and the lady was asking for my birthday and she looks at me and goes “hmmm I’d say 19….95?” And I’m 87 lol it was cute and I felt good for the rest of the day haha

    1. Yeah, when they under guess and it’s not too off, that’s when your like, “damn! I feel good!”. It’s when they say something absurd like 19, and your like, c’mon, now your just pullin’ my leg!

  2. lol When I use to smoke, and they started carding for tobacco products you had to be 18, I was actually carded once by a 20 something male cashier. I laughed and handed him my ID. I was 28 with two kids age 7 and 18 months( said kids were not with me at the convenient store). And 1967 is not such a bad year, but I might get a bit out of sorts if I get carded for alcohol and some one puts me down as 1957. 😛

  3. I was at an airport bar and the bartender carded everyone. There was a man around 75 who she asked for ID. He was so confused. Once carded, she then asked him if he wanted a $1 shot of tequila with his beer. He was even more baffled. I think about all of this often.

    1. I just want to tell people like this to use common sense. I can assure that bartender the 75-year-old man was not a 14-year-old in disguise. So odd she offered a shot of tequila? “Congratulations on being old! Let me honor you with a $1 shot of tequila!”

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