Nothing is Working and I Want to Suck My Thumb

Not Working

Nothing is working and I had a meltdown in the Mc Donald’s parking lot today. There, I said it. It started when my son got up at 5 a.m. to work on homework. At 7 a.m. I come down to find him under a blanket, watching ESPN.

“What in the world are you doing?” I barked. “You are supposed to be doing homework!”

“The internet isn’t working.”

“Then why didn’t you wake me up?”

And miraculously, someone didn’t have an answer for me.


I attempted to order Subway online and not only did my card get declined but my husbands. I called them.

“Our internet is down.”

Que eye roll.

I drive over to Subway and see the following sign on the door: WE CAN ONLY ACCEPT CASH.

‘What is this?’ I thought, ‘1972?’


Filmora is a program to edit videos and I’m lovin’ it, but I’m an impatience person. I want to edit my video with little to no education on how to edit my video. I did break down and read a little and watched a few videos today. My son and I watched a music video he likes called Stir Fry. My goal is to create a PIP (picture in picture) where the video runs while I comment. After several hours, I’m not any closer. That’s when I was like, “screw it” and came over here to do what I’m good at. I’ll go back to Filmora again tomorrow but it ain’t happin’ tonight.


In addition to my car being 16-years-old, needing new tires and wind shield wiper blades and having over 267,000 miles on it, it leaks coolant….often. After our 6:30 soccer game 24 miles away, all I wanted to do was get home but basically my engine was overheating as I had 0 coolant. I had to pull into a UDF, buy coolant and pour it in.


C had just lost his soccer game so I told him I would buy him a vanilla milkshake. You know, the healthy thing to do when depressed, cover it up with food.

McDonald’s was my absolute breaking point. You know how they have 2 drive-thru lanes to get more of our fat asses their junk food? Well this lady was just sitting at the menu, not quiet pulled up so I decided to beat her to the 2nd empty lane and put my order in first. I pull up and nothing happens. 30 seconds later, the other lady pulls up and they take her order immediately.

Ok fine. I won’t be first, I’ll be second.

“Hello!” I say into the speaker. Nothing.

Pissed, I back up and just as I’m about to pull into the one working drive-thru, 2 cars immediately pull up in front of me. My first place in line has now dropped 4th place. But it gets better.

As I’m waiting behind now 2 cars I see 2 other cars drive up to the non-working drive-thru. Just as I’m getting out of my car to tell them it doesn’t work, I hear, “Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?” blare out of their drive-thru speaker. I’m now 5th in line.

When it’s my turn finally, I’m enraged. I quickly debate if I should complain at the speaker or in person. I decide in person as they won’t have time to spit in my food by then.

“Yeah, may I please have a small vanilla milkshake?”

This is when the little ass hole informed me the milkshake machine was down. “Conveniently”, their milkshake machines always seem to go down around 7. Usually I’m speechless, instead I spew the following to the lady in the drive-thru,

“This is ridiculous. I can’t even deal with you people,” and I sped off.

I go off into an absolute tirade but one that I felt was PG enough for a 9-year-old to hear. Eloquently, I believe I used every white trash stereo-type there is.

“Freakin’ McDonald’s. Milkshake machine is down. It’s always down! Whatever Crystal. Drink another Mt. Dew or Dr. Pepper. Why don’t you just go home to your stupid trailer and your stupid pit-bulls. In fact, don’t cha’ have some meth to cook or something?”

Not my finest moment but I was hangry, tired, pissed…..everything. I decided to drive to the next Mc Donalds and treat myself to a caramel machiato given this bull shit.

McDonald’s Part Deux

I lock C in the car to go in as I wanted to see their milkshake machine for myself. I was greeted by the “manager”. I’ve seen her before. She is about 6′ tall and weighs 85 lbs. Smoking a pack a day has left her voice raspy and she has the mannerisms of a man. I could totally see her as a truck driver, or an inmate.

“May I please have a small caramel machiato?”

“Our machine is down.”

triggered tantrum GIF


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