I would like to meet the “father of cubicles”, and slap the shit out of him. What were they thinking?
“You can collaborate more”……
“It gives the office a larger feel”…..
“Cubicles reduce cost”……..
Apparently, the original creator of cubicles and all successors, thought the entire, industrialized world is runned by deaf mutes. If I were to guess, the folks that continue to have a cubicle set up in their company have never actually sat in a cubicle for more than a day, encountering all sorts of personalities in the other cubes. Perhaps they forget what it’s like and figure it’s a rite of passage?
My New Cube Before I Made It Cute
We moved into our new offices this week and they are beautiful. We knew we would be sitting in cubes and I was vying for the most private cubicle my pay grade allowed. My nice boss gave me the option of either a cube that only had walls around 3/4th of the area but was large or a much tinier cube, but completely private. Considering I have the concentration of a squirrel, I chose the tiny, private cube. Here are a few pictures.
My Own Personal Closet
Over my years of corporate life, I’ve spent all but a few of them in cubes so I feel more than qualified to present the list of the worst cube mates. I’m not saying I work with any of these personalities now and I talked with several people to get their ideas. There was a general theme!
The Music Lover
Listen up Bob, that’s great that you lived during the music revolution of the 60’s and can’t listen to In The Air Tonight, without air-drumming but keep that shit to yourself. You are not in a padded room. You are 8′ away from me and everyone else.
The Social Media Expert
How do you still have a job? You are on the internet ALL-DAY-LONG, quoting all sorts of shit.
“Life Hack #53, put a warm spoon on a bug bite to remove the itch!”
Thanks Lori. If I wanted another useless piece of advice, I would have gone on Pinterest. Just because something caught your whim, doesn’t mean I care.
The Phone Talker
I’m talking about 2 types here. The first one is planning their social calendar, all day, every day for the next 20 years. The second one loves to berate vendors on the phone and does so loud enough to show dominance. The only thing you’re dominating Archie Bunker is that lonely lazy boy you’ll go home to tonight, with a 6-pack and a bag of chips. Feet up son, C-Span just started.
The Slob
This person normally has 3-4 water bottles on their desk and complete random shit like a jewelry box or a throw pillow. If you are in a corral set up, their junk slowly creeps into your space and you begin to become bitter towards them. I have personal experience with this as you can see….
Nail Salon
Why do co-workers cut their nails at work? I hear someone clipping their nails on a bi-weekly basis and I’m scared one will become airborne and land in my cube. This is ABSOLUTELY disgusting and you should know better.
The Stinky Food
Why do people bring in their tuna, Brussel sprout, cauliflower pasta and warm it up in the microwave? Or they have their hot wings from BW3’s, warm them up and leave the office smelling like Hooters. Put down the 5 day old tilapia and make a sandwich for God’s sake!
The Obnoxious Decorator
When I reached out to people for what they find as a nightmare cube mate, there was a similar theme but slightly different. My friend NC, announced she hated the Pinterest decorator where they wall papered their cube. That is pretty ridiculous. The other person talked about the dog shrine a co-worker had. Like the wall was covered, hoarder style, with their sacred pet.
The Chomper
I hesitated on this one. Why? Because occasionally I think I might do this but the truth hurts and I don’t want to ask. I have these bagel chips and they are really loud. I had someone similar to this at my last job but she was so far away and there was really no reason she chomped as loud as she did.
Eavesdropper
I had forgotten I have been a victim of this one. Many years ago, I would hang up the phone and after each conversation, my cube mate would turn around and either comment or question it. It was enough to make me batty.
The Yeller
This person is oblivious to if you are on the phone, answering an email or in deep concentration. For example, Judy will simply yell over the cube a question about the email she just sent 5 seconds ago. You are left confused, looking like the dumb ass because you have no idea what she’s talking about. Dial it down a notch, Judy!
What did I forget? You guys have to have something I forgot!
I am just so glad I don’t live cubicle life. I do have staffroom living though and can get the smelly food thing. Ew. Do people really cut their nails at work? ???
Yup, because my co-worker does it now and I can hear that distinct “clip” every time he does it. So gross!
My comment is, “no comment.” Because dang it, I love my teammates and I hope they love me, too. But wow, close quarters do bring out some interesting little habits and things that could annoy the skin off an armadillo. And I’m including myself in this mix. As an avid self-talker, I’ve had more than one teammate turn around and say, “what?” when really the only person I’m talking to is me, myself, and i.
Crap! I should have added that. People who talk to themselves loudly then you don’t know if they are talking to you or them. I talk to myself too. Look at it this way, I’ve read that people that talk to themselves are smarter. No seriously…it’s a thing.
I’m glad I don’t have to go through this!! I do have teenagers yell/laughing at 11:30 at night when I am trying to sleep because some people have to get up at 7:30 the next day and make THEM lunch and be nice to THEM when they wake up at noon…..*deep calming breaths*
Yeah, that is super rude. I wish there was a report out there that counted how many oblivious people there are in the world, just to make me feel better to know I’m not the only one to encounter them. And when I say oblivious, I’m talking about people who aren’t considerate of others.
Yeah for def! I just had a text exchange with my boss because I have had food go missing *again* – 3rd time in three weeks! First it was just little things from the fridge/freezer and I didn’t really have my stuff labelled. So I put up signs on my shelves and stuff. But this time, it was from my cupboard from UNDER the island. Like you have to two two huge bar chairs out of the way just to open the doors which hardly anyone realizes are under there. GUH some people!!
At this point I would add notes to your food that you licked it to make it yours or 1 of the ____(fill in with the number of food items that are yours) harbors a dead bug. Or lastly, can you have like a locked locker to store food? That sucks people are being rude. i always label my coke at work so if it goes missing, I know to look for a can with my name.
We all have our own space for food. In the fridge we have baskets (my name wasnt really visible) and the freezer is mostly a free for all except for two shelves. But the cupboards are all divded up. The only thing is that it could be the students, the kids I nanny, the other adults living here, my boss’s husband who has his clinic downstairs. Its super annoying
I bet!
My boss will bring it up tonight..they all have a family dinner on Sundays so it will reach all of them. *hopes my things stop disappearing*
I once worked with two ladies who would call each other on the phone and their cubicles were smack-dab against each other (one ‘1/2 wall) separating them! BAH!!! *LOL* Cher xo
Wait…what?? What was the point of that? That’s ridiculous and a waste of time!
It drove me crazy! I always felt like saying, “You two do realize how insane this is, don’t you?” Ah, the cube days……………. Cher xo
Great post! Made me smile.
How is your head BTW?
I sat adjacent to an older woman at my previous job. I would hear horror stories of how she didn’t get along with previous people in my position, but I ended up loving her! The only thing that I don’t miss about working next to her was the fact that she was basically computer illiterate and would ask me questions about simple computer usage every. single. day. Things like how to find a program on the start bar (she only used preset shortcuts on her desktop screen) and how to wrap text in an excel worksheet. It drove me bonkers!
Wow…that would drive me bonkers too! Frustrates the hell out of me when there are free classes out there to learn stuff like that (free Lynda.com classes via the library) but one does not take the initiative. Gurh!!!
Please tell me The Slob photos are not actually real!! WOW. I’m lucky that at my current job – my first out of college – I have my own office so I don’t have to deal with these behaviors in a cubicle. Most of the time I can shut my door when my coworker across the hall plays rock music through her computer speakers, or when the coworker who starts yell-talking from the other side of the building makes herself known. And seriously, leave the fish at home Susan!!! (Susan is the default name I use for annoying coworkers)
A few comments….yes, that was my cube mate for 365 days! It was horrible. I’d never seen anything like it. You are soooo lucky you have an office. I had one once and it was magical! You touched on something that I was disappointed I forgot to add in- playing music too loud. I mean what the hell! There is nothing more annoying when someone has an office, WITH a door, then blasts music and leaves the door open. Listen Susan…..I don’t want to listen to Kenny Rogers! And lastly, why does Susan have a fish? Have you thought about allowing Nemo to meet it’s maker? I’m just sayin’.
Ugh, I cannot believe someone could work / exist in a space like that! I often lament over the fact that my office doesn’t have any windows, because it shares a wall with our warehouse and inner offices, but I am so so thankful I have a door I can block everyone out with. OH MY GOD your fish comment made me remember another thing about the guy in the office next to mine – the one with the alarms. He brings his cat in sometimes (not out of necessity), which I’d be fine with if he didn’t lead it around on a leash and casually walk into people’s offices without knocking / saying hello first. Wow, I really needed this exchange. Thank you! 🙂 😛
Ok….I paused watching Last Man On Earth to focus all my attention on what you are saying. Holy shit balls, where do you work? The circus? My eccentric neighbor walks his cat on a leash and named it after a French painter that mainly painted red-headed prostitutes (Toulouse Laurtrec, spelling???) but I thought he was the only weirdo. Tell me more!!!
I love that show!! And it feels like it sometimes. I can’t remember the name of my coworker’s cat, but I will never forget that red leash. It’s a pretty adorable black kitty, and when my coworker walks her(?) around it looks so distressing! I don’t know of any research surrounding cat leashes, but come. on. 1. Cats/pets should not be in an office environment unless it needs to be monitored after an injury or something I guess…and 2. Get your cat out of the leash! Stop walking it in and out of people’s offices! This coworker is up there with Susan in terms of lack of self awareness, so I guess I’m not surprised, just extremely annoyed.
Ok, you need to get pictures and write about this! Hell, if you’re worried about your co-workers finding your post, guest blog on my site and I’ll post the story. I’ve never in my life heard of this and it seems to be blog gold with regards to content! Think about it! OMG!!
I actually have a picture of the cat – because one day he brought it in it was “Bring Your Pet to Work Day” (coincidence) and my boss thought it would be fun to put it on Facebook (I manage the social media sites). LOL
That’s awesome!
And I just read this to my husband and he is just shaking his head right now….