Facebook Will Bite You In the Ass


Facebook will bite you in the ass. Why? Because people love, love, love to brag on Facebook.

“Look what my honey got me for my birthday?” (insert picture of new car)

“Construction almost complete!” (insert picture of mini mansion)

“20 pounds down, 5 more to go!” (insert selfie of someone standing in front of a mirror, wearing workout clothes)

Fuck you Facebook. Fuck you. Let me tell you why Facebook will bite you in the ass. It’s because we are all guilty of bragging at some point on Facebook. Then, life goes to shit (job loss, weight gain, etc.) and you are left with these ass hole reminders of what life was like 4 years ago, when things were awesome.

It’s almost like Facebook knows when things were REALLY good and grabs those posts to show you. I’m here to tell you today that these “memories” are the first fucking thing in my feed….always. Almost like, “look Hot Mess. Look how skinny you were 4 years ago, making 10k more than you are now.”

“But Hot Mess, why don’t you just select the I WANT TO SEE LESS MEMORIES?”

I’ve tried. I’ve selected that f’ing button almost every time I get one of these “awesome” reminders. FACEBOOK DOESN’T LISTEN. I repeat, FACEBOOK DOESN’T LISTEN! Look, I know we all have ups and downs in life. My up is taking longer than I would like and I’m praying the “downs” were all for the good of the book I wrote. Until then, I don’t need f’ing Facebook to remind me of the past.

So to all the 24-year-old Facebook employees who have yet to experience anything relatively difficult (childbirth, job loss, divorce, death of a parent), stop dicking with things and take that stupid memory function out! I don’t care if you have to burn it, stomp it into the ground, or bury it! Just stop putting it in my stupid feed!


Hot Mess

P.S. After finishing this post, I decided to dig deep into the Facebook settings and for the first time, I found exactly where I need to select that I want ZERO Facebook memories. Now if I receive a memory after this, I will know that Facebook is just being an ass hole.


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