As mentioned in a previous post, I was invited to a girls weekend half past deliverance and just before the Ohio River. My experience of the wilderness includes one miserable night at girl scout camp, combined with staying at a Best Western or a Hampton Inn in Northern Kentucky for a soccer tournament.
At 2PM, I peaced out from work to make the 2 hour journey to my home for the next 2 nights. As I promised my friend, all locations and identities have been changed because as I was taught over the weekend, and like fight club, no one talks about girls weekend.
Friday
The drive proved uneventful and I found the cabin with ease. Upon pulling in, everything remained quiet. I secretly wanted all of them to come running out and make a TON of noise as to scare away any snake in a 3 mile radius. This did not happen. I stalled…and waited…and stalled and waited, hoping someone would come out. I banged the trunk really loud….twice….and still nobody. Once I realized I’d be walking up the stone walk by myself, I booked it.
Do I knock? Do I go in?
I did both. As I walked in, my friend and 1 other cooked while 2 others remained seated, already with adult beverages in hand. I was given the grand tour and told I’d be sleeping in the loft with 3 other women. Because I’m an ass hole but polite, I offered to take the top bunk, praying internally I would remember the next morning I was on the top bunk and not face plant. I did that once when camping as a child. It hurt like a mother fucker.
If the evening had a theme, it would be called BREATHALYZER as we found amusement in drinking ungodly amounts of alcohol then testing our intake with our hostess’s home breathalyzer test. Like a girl who just got into college, posing with her acceptance letter, here I am, posing with a .24. 3 times over the legal limit. I wasn’t fit enough to even ride a wheelchair at that point.
Saturday Morning
I slept like a baby in my bunk bed. I’m not gonna lie. The bed was rather loose and swayed back and forth as I would ascend and descend the ladder. I had visions of it just crumbling down on my bunk mate in the middle of the night.
I can’t remember what I had for lunch but I did make myself a delicious latte with my espresso maker I hauled to the cabin. I don’t regret this for a moment. It was well worth the chuckles it warranted.
After a heavy storm, the girls decided it was pond time. This was a deal breaker for me as I had warned them I am a wimp and have a massive phobia of snakes.
“Well to get you over this phobia, looks like we just need you to pet a snake,” one of the gals said.
“I would rather have a colonoscopy every day for the rest of my life than pet a snake,” I protested. I began to worry that one of them would find a snake and bring it to me to pet or something.
Part 2 will be about all of Saturday, the snakes I didn’t see and how I was convinced our hostess has 11 children. I’m still pondering that one.
Oh dear God what are you like Lol!!!!
My blog is called Hot Mess for a reason! LOL!!! I’m going to post the video if I get it from my friend.
? I look forward to it!
Lol! All I have to say is I’m glad I shaved!
Ooer missus!!! ?
Ooo awesome!! But who has a home breathalyzer? lol that’s insanity right there! Or genius…I’m not exactly sure.
oh my gawsh! I’m so freakin’ jealous!
I’d love to be on a girls’ weekend…sigh
Oh, and I literally have nightmares about falling out of beds!
Ha!! The drinking and socializing was a lot of fun! Well we will have to invite you on the next girls weekend! Hopefully you live near Ohio. LOL!
Colorado here.
Love you Colorado! I was in CO in January of 16′ when I worked for that nightmare company as a boot buyer. You had more Cowboys that I thought you had in Denver.
Hahaha! Not as many cowboys here as we used to have…sadly. We’re becoming inundated with people form coastline states.
Probably the pot. LOL!
yes…there is THAT…lol
…and speaking of cowboys, I would mind finding me one of those for fun.
Ye haw! Rid’em cowboy!!!
😉
That sounds awesome so far! Love the pic too lol!
I also have a hu-mung-gus phobia of ‘those things we don’t speak of’ … completely unwarranted, as there are none in this country (believe me, I’ve checked with every zoo and nature habitat place here! I was planning on relocating of there was!) … but I just can’t, never will, never can, go any where near them … so you have my utmost sympathies on that one!!
Looking forward to Part 2 🙂
Thank you! Wait, what country do you live in?
I’m in New Zealand … way way over the other side of the ocean 🙂 Plenty of room here if you want to get away from ‘those’ things lol.
OMG!! Awesome! Some day Im going to visit there! Is it beautiful?
Yeah it is … you better make it quick before the politicians destroy whats left of our clean green image and sell off the rest lol. Seriously though, it is pretty spectacular 🙂
Wait…what? What’s this about politicians? Think long and hard before inviting a 40
yr old with her 12 yr old and 8 yr old sons. LOL! Especially a hot mess!!
Hahaha … you’ll be fine 😉 Compared to some of our ‘hot messes’ here, you’ll look a right fairy princess lol!
Our illustrious polys have been slowly mining, polluting and trashing our beautiful green country for quite a few years now. We used to have a sublime reputation for a clean green country … now, you’d be lucky to find one river which is clean enough to swim in. And the oceans are getting pretty bad too.
However … compared to some other countries, We are still looking pretty good 😉
So how are you and Australia connected? For example, we are connected to Canada but we literally have nothing to do with each other. Though we should, given their hottie mchotie prime minister. Are you kidding me?
Australia is the closest country to us, and we are usually compared as ‘similar’ in our accents and way of life, and a tonne of NZers go to Australia ‘for a better life’ … but thats about it. And their Prime Minister is not a hottie, but neither ours lol.
And No, No kidding lol.
LOL. A colonoscopy for the rest of your life? Eww!
Ok, maybe that was a tad dramatic…..
LMAO.