Christmas Newsletters

Dear God (head down, pinching skin between my eyes, shaking it back and forth) if I get 1 more God damn Christmas newsletter, I am going to loose my shit.

I have never been able to understand Christmas newsletters, especially in the age of Facebook where when people aren’t posting vague things like “I just don’t care anymore….”, praying you’ll take the bait and ask “what’s wrong”, they are posting braggy things like “My husband is the best! After we made love and cried through it because it was so beautiful, he didn’t allow me to feed myself….for the whole weekend! LOL! Love you babe!”

I’m sure I’m naive but I wonder this sincerely: are these people narcissist? I mean, do they really think we are really anticipating this letter? It takes a special kind of oblivious to not “get it”. Here’s my thing: if you are sending it to people you think care about your exciting life, then you would have communicated all of this already at various points throughout the year or bragged about it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., etc,.

This topic only came up because I finally got the mail out of the mailbox before it would be hauled away to the post office, leaving just a note stating that I could pick it up since nothing else would fit. Everyone that sent holiday greetings did so with a card with the exception of 2 women. Hell, one of my best friends even delighted me in sending a National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation card. The 2 suspects? They chose newsletters….both sides….because that is how interesting their lives are not.

And so, I have decided to create my own holiday newsletter-all lies of coarse. Indulge me folks.


Dear Family, Friends & Feline Club Members,

I’m sure you’ve been looking forward to my annual Christmas newsletter and I’ll be honest, I couldn’t wait to send it! 2016 has been an amazing year for me. I have so much to tell you, you’ll think your reading a jet setting, 30-something’s journal! LOL!

In January I brought home my 5th cat-Snicker Doodles IV, to join his brothers and sisters: Wolf Blitzer, Mr. Chunkie Pants, Megyn Kelly and Telemundo. Guess who likes the news & guess who has potty issues?! LOL! They’ve grown up so fast. Though I don’t have favorites, here is a picture of my first 3:

operation prank my sons for April Fools

In the spring, I went on what I thought was a dating site for cat lovers: to find someone to share my feline love with. It didn’t work out. It’s a good thing this happened as it made me realize all my love needs to go to my cat family. I don’t have time for a man and I’m ok with that.

With regards to New Years Resolutions, I am pleased to say I kept the following 3 in 2016:

  • Change my Brita water filter every month.
  • Knitted each cat a sweater…with their names on the back.
  • Increase my followers to 48!

As some of you know, I was battling a rodent situation last year in my apartment, but my cats luved it! I’m pleased to say it’s been downgraded from mice to just spiders and ladybugs. Ladybugs are good luck right! I’m sure 2017 will show that!

And lastly, I had the opportunity to fly to Detroit via Southwest. It was like borderline decadent when I was moved to the B group to fly. Sure, I had to sit in a middle seat but at least I got to talk to the newlyweds on each side of me.

So I leave this wish with you, may your 2017 be as fur-tastic as my 2016 has been! Cheers!


Birtha Miller


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